


swept up by your wave

by kkuma



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternative Universe - Zoo, Background Relationships, Drama & Romance, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Penguins, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2019-10-02 10:37:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 44,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17262719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kkuma/pseuds/kkuma
Summary: Ordinary days at Haruichi Zoo are shaken up for penguin keeper Kuroo Testurou after the addition of their newest member: a calm, well-meaning man by the name of Sawamura Daichi.





	1. brown eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is was inspired by a piece of fanart that I saw on Pinterest, by a fanfiction I read recently that made me cry (happy tears!) and the desire to push past my writer's block. Thank you for even clicking on this in the first place and I really hope you enjoy this first chapter, even in the slightest way.

Kuroo Tetsurou had always considered himself to be a pretty perceptive guy.

 

He had a temperament that allowed him to easily pick up on things: shifts in the atmosphere (be it from tension or the weather), people’s expressions: were they hiding or faking something? He could tell. Call it a sixth sense if you will, but when something was up he knew about it. So when he walked into work on a Monday in early spring, he could immediately feel that there was a buzz in the air. The aquatic faction of Haruichi Zoo felt more alive than usual, and as a few female colleagues passed Kuroo giggling, almost ignoring his morning greeting to them, he realized there were a lot more people on hand than usual. Which was odd as many of them weren’t even aquatic staff. Quirking an eyebrow, he made his way over to the sea lion section where his junior was stationed. The silver haired man was throwing krill and other types of fish into the waiting mouths of hungry sea lions, cooing as he did so, a smile on his lips.

 

“Lev! What’s going on? Why are we so busy this morning?”

 

As Lev turned, the smile on his lips pulled wide and his face lifted as he greeted his senior with enthusiasm. His bubbly disposition made it hard for Kuroo not to return it with his own lazy, cat like grin.

 

“Good morning Kuroo-senpai!” Lev sang, “Everyone is here to welcome the new marine mammal trainer! He’s really friendly! And he is kind too, he gave me some of his cereal bar and he even made Kenma-senpai smile! Not a real smile but one of those tiny, small, barely visible smi-”

 

“New trainer?” Kuroo interrupted, scratching his chin while trying to recall news of a new trainer being added to their roster. “Since when did we need a new one?”

 

Lev huffed, lightly exasperated by his senpai’s forgetfulness and the fact that he was interrupted.

 

“Since Nimura-san got engaged and moved to Canada!”

 

“Ah right~”

 

Kuroo hummed at the thought of maple syrup and pancakes. He looked around at staff coming and going from the dolphin pool, mostly women chatting amongst themselves and sighing with dreamlike delight. Patting Lev on the shoulder, he made his way towards the area, curiosity pulling him to the epicentre of the buzz. He walked around the small crowd of staff, to get a direct look at the large dolphin display. His eyes roamed around and fell upon two men he knew: Sugawara from the safari section as well as Azumane from the main reception. Their eyes were filled with warmth as they smiled down at the expanse of water before them. Kuroo followed their eyes and-

 

He heard him before he saw him.

 

A deep baritone laugh that resonated across the water, filled with mirth, strength and a gentleness that almost didn’t suit him. Short black hair framed his face, his eyes crinkled as his laughter left him, a dimple taut on his right cheek. He stood waist deep in the pool, his body accentuated by the black and orange wetsuit he wore. In his hands he cradled the face of a small dolphin, barely a year old. The creature chirped in his hands, eager to play with the man who seemed just as ardent and entirely willing to fulfill its request. Kuroo watched transfixed as the man began to coax the dolphin deeper into the water, slowly as to not alarm its mother that sat watching them. The child followed calmly and as a reward: the man presented a small morsel of food, carefully tossing it in the dolphin’s mouth. Receiving gentle applause from the crowd before him, the man looked up and his eyes caught Kuroo’s for the briefest moment. Honey brown eyes that sent a ripple of heat coursing through his veins, heat that dispersed through his entire being. The man’s eyes crinkled once again, his nose scrunched as a brilliant smile spread across his face, highlighting the beautiful contours of his face, his strong jaw and pink lips.

  
For that single moment, the man was all that Kuroo could see.

 

"Bro!"

 

The cheerful shout from his best friend brought Kuroo out of his daze, and he turned away from soft brown eyes to lock with wide, excited golden ones. Bokuto Koutarou looked as exuberant as he always did, but within the gold sat a hint of something owlish, something almost devious and before Kuroo could question it, he made his musings verbal.

 

"I beat you! I just clocked in and you haven't yet so I win, now pay up!"

 

Before the confusion could fully set in, Kuroo groaned internally in realisation. His constant jibes at Bokuto's lateness had resulted in the pair making a petty bet that he couldn't be in earlier than Kuroo for a week, and up until today he hadn't been. Never one to give up though, Kuroo let a sly grin cross his features before he replied his friend.

 

"I don't know Bo, you may have clocked in first but that doesn't mean you got here first."

 

"Huh?"

 

"I mean, I've been here for a while now, ya know? Talking to Lev and that, just haven't gotten around to clocking in yet"

 

Grey brows screwed together in contemplation and an indignant scowl fell across his friend's face as he looked at him. Seeing the expression on Bokuto's face made Kuroo snort, as he made his way past him to get to his own station and start the day.

 

"No no no no no no!" Bokuto began, as he followed him "That wasn't the bet! It was who clocked in first!"

 

"Are you sure about that?"

 

"Stop screwing with me, ya damn cat! Pay up!"

 

The banter between them continued as they reached the penguin section, walking towards the changing rooms to get into uniform. Pulling his red waterproof dungarees over his white t-shirt, Kuroo's thoughts drifted back to the man in the water, the warm aura he had given off, the heat that had rushed through his body as he watched him. As he put on his rubber boots, he thought of brown eyes, how they crinkled when the man had smiled and then the smile itself. The smile that had spread across his face with the same softness that waves do against sand.

 

"Kuroo! Hurry up, I want to see my babies!"

 

Bokuto stood in front of him already changed, eager to get to the penguins, his manic smile contrasting the gentleness of the one that had been occupying his thoughts. Standing up to meet his friend, he flicked his forehead playfully, stamping his foot firmly to set it properly into his boot.

 

"Don't you mean our babies?"

 

"Haha yeah! Our babies! Come on, let's go!"

 

As they made their way to their flock of Emperor Penguins chicks, thoughts of honey brown left him and were replaced by bright chirps and gurgles, Bokuto's cackling and cooing and the joy of caring for little creatures that were trying their best not to trip over their own webbed feet.

 

Kuroo Tetsurou was usually a pretty perceptive guy. He could tell when one of the chicks was hungry or catch one just before it was about to trip, he could tell when Bokuto was about to swoon over them or when a shy visitor to the zoo needed directions. He could tell when it was about to rain, and had an uncanny ability of knowing the exact temperature the hottest of summer days were, but on that particular day he failed to pick up on something. Something that would cause a shift in his days at Haruichi Zoo, something that would set him on a journey he hadn't meant to embark on. Something simple, something soft.

 

He had fallen in love.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! Honestly, I am so grateful. Can I be cheeky and ask for a little bit more of your time? Could you leave me a comment? Tell me how you found it, was my writing clear? Interesting? Do you want to read more? If not, that's completely fine but it would mean so much to me! If this story has grasped you at all and you wish to join me for the journey ahead, thank you so much and I'll see you in the next chapter. Happy New Year! <3


	2. good times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming back for chapter 2! I apologize that it took so long to update, it's been a rough new year for me thus far, but I'm doing better now and aiming to realize a chapter a week! Without further ado, here's the next chapter, please enjoy <3

Dark brown eyes blink upwards as they take in messy black hair, gentle gold eyes, and a slight smile that pulled higher on one cheek than the other. Laughter, eyes glittering with affection and an abundance of patience. Brown eyes try to get closer, try to see more of the creature standing before them. Shuffling forward, brown eyes almost reach their destination before the sight is ripped away by gravity and brown eyes find themselves rushing towards soft white. But before the fall comes, the rush stops completely and brown eyes take in the outstretched arms of the creature, it's wide smile; it's fond eyes.

 

"What am I going to do with you, Hana?"

 

Kuroo looks into the eyes of the baby penguin he just caught. Her fluffy, grey feathers are soft against the palm of his hands, tucked under her armpits, he raises them till the small penguin is upright and places her carefully back on the faux ice of the exhibit. She chirps up at him, as if she is replying his remark. Chuckling at the cute gesture, he rubs gently on the top of her beak, careful to not agitate her. She shakes her head and shuffles closer, rubbing her cheek against his knee, happy with their contact. He pats her head once more before standing and looking over to Bokuto, who is sat on the cold floor, several penguins flopping on and around him. He looks ecstatic as the birds chirp around him, rubbing their warm bodies against him, pecking at him softly.

 

"Bo, we gotta feed them, not use them as portable heaters!"

 

"I know, I know, but Kuroo, I just love 'em so much!"

 

He giggles as he struggles to detach himself for the penguin pile, caressing them each as he stands. When he's done, he beams at Kuroo and runs over to him to get their breakfast ready. But as he does so, the chicks that are stood upright waddle behind him like he's Mother Duck. Seeing the display, he swoons again, ready to envelop them in kisses and hugs before a hand pulls his collar.

 

"Bo, come on."

 

"Their cuteness is too powerful, man! I am so weak."

 

"They won't be so cute when those soft pecks turn into hungry ones."

 

"They could eat me if they wanted too man, they're so cute I'd let them, I'd die happy."

 

Kuroo lets out a guffaw; straight from his stomach, his head thrown forward as he grips his sides. The mental image of a happy Bokuto being devoured by hungry penguin chicks proves to be funnier than he had expected. Wiping stray tears from his eyes, he swings his arm around his friend as they make their way to the animal food centre.

 

"Nah, I'd never let them hurt you Bo." he says with mock seriousness, "Not my best friend."

 

"Aww, thanks man! We'd die together instead."

 

"Wait, why?"

 

"Well, because if they are eating me you can't hurt them, you gotta just join me and let them do their business."

 

"I can't just fight them off?"

 

"Kuroo Tetsurou, if you lay a finger on one of my babies, _I_ will kill _you_."

 

A chuckle is heard from behind them but when they turn, they see junior assistant Fukunaga (there to watch the chicks as they leave) with his features schooled to complete impassivity. He gives them a slight nod as they continue on their way. Reaching the food centre, they make their way to one of the many stations to pick up their order. A short blonde man sits tapping at his phone, absorbed in the device, he doesn't notice the people approaching him until it's too late.

 

"Oi Kenma! Slacking so early?" Kuroo shouts.

 

The blonde man jumps, dropping his phone on the counter, scowling as he looks up to see the smirk on his childhood friend's fiendish face. He turns away from him to look solely at his beaming companion.

 

"Good morning, Bokuto-san," he says quietly "Here for their breakfast?"

 

"Aww, Kenma~ I'm sorry, please don't ignore me."

 

Kenma turns without sparing him a glance, reaching into the large refrigerator behind him to get the penguin's breakfast materials. Bokuto chuckles as Kuroo pouts dumbly; turning to Kenma with puppy dog eyes. But before he can say anything, Kenma's phone vibrates on the counter and Kuroo twists his neck to read the message on the screen. He catches a string of emojis before the phone is ripped away from his prying eyes. He looks up to see Kenma glowering at him, a slight pink tinge to his cheeks.

 

"Kenma~" he begins, ready to tease his friend for his reaction, raising his brow and tone of voice as he does so.

 

"If you say a single thing I will let everyone know about The Incident."

 

Kuroo's teasing dies in his throat as he abruptly shuts his mouth. Bokuto perks up, his eyebrow raised absurdly high on his face.

 

"Incident? What incident? Tell me, Kenma! Tell me, tell me, tell me! Please!"

 

Kuroo groans, cursing his habit of provoking people. Bokuto is tugging on his sleeve, owl eyes wide and demanding as he tries to get an answer from him. Kenma smirks as he continues preparing the chick's breakfast; blending herring, krill and vitamins into a smoothie for them. He divides the mixture into three feeding bottles just enough to feed their nine chicks. Eventually managing to extract Bokuto from his arm, Kuroo rounds the corner of the station to get deeper into the food center, mumbling about traitorous best friends under his breath as he goes. He reaches a storage room filled with wheelbarrows, finds the one marked 'penguins' and begins to roll it back to Kenma's station.

 

He stops when he sees him.

 

Broad back muscles shake as the man lets out a hearty laugh and thick thighs flex as he moves closer to Kenma's station. He's talking to Kenma and Kuroo is struck dumb at just how comfortable the atmosphere between them is. Their voices are soft, as if they have been friends for years. Kenma looks, no _is,_ relaxed by the man's presence and in the corner of his mind, Kuroo thinks back to his earlier conversation with Lev.

 

_He even made Kenma-senpai smile!_

 

"There he is now."

 

Kenma's voice snaps him out his stupor, but before he can respond, the man turns to him and for the second time that day, he finds himself captivated by honey brown. The man gives him a small smile as Kuroo approaches the counter. He lifts his hand, reaching it out to Kuroo, who takes it without a second thought.

 

"Sawamura Daichi, it's nice to finally meet you."

 

Feeling the man's firm grip, Kuroo raises an eyebrow as he looks between him and Kenma who suspiciously still has a small smile on his usual bored face.

 

"Yeah..uh...likewise, Kuroo Tetsurou," he says after clearing his throat and returning the handshake with an equally firm squeeze, "Finally?"

 

"Ah, I've heard quite a bit about you." Sawamura replies.

 

"All good, I hope."

 

Sawamura chuckles, releasing Kuroo's hand, leaving it tingling at the loss of warmth.

 

"For the most part."

 

"And for the rest?"

 

Kenma snorts earning a glare from his friend.

 

"Rest assured, Kuroo-san." he says his smile widening to the point where his dimple became visible "I've just been warned about the zoo's resident troublemaker."

 

Kuroo fake gasps, slapping a hand to his chest and slow blinking dramatically.

 

"Me? Troublemaker? There must be some sort of mistake."

 

"Oh really? So you didn't have anything to do with a- what did you call it again Kozume-san?"

 

"Penguin stampede."

 

"Ah good times~" Kuroo sighs with mirth.

 

"Yes, not a troublemaker at all" Sawamura says sarcastically. Kuroo takes in the man before him slowly, his calm face and relaxed body, his eyes gentle but reprimanding, his tone light but holding an intensity that made him seem fatherly. Like he was used to regarding people in the way he was Kuroo. Looking at him, Kuroo felt off, like something was bubbling beneath the surface, like he was on the tip of some great discovery. It was warm and comforting yet suffocating and confusing. It was an unsettling but not bad feeling, it was foreign ; it was new.

 

"Not at all, penguins need their exercise too after all." He replies with a grin, "And if I remember clearly, visitors loved it. Visitation to the penguin exhibit increased by 3%."

 

Sighing, Kenma hands Sawamura a large bag of food, which he promptly heaves over his shoulder. Thanking him with a smile, he turns to regards Kuroo one last time before leaving the centre.

 

"I don't know if I should look forward to or dread your next _'good time' ._ "

 

"I'll surprise you."

 

With another chuckle, Sawamura bids them goodbye. As he watches him leave, Kuroo is swept up by a feeling of loss, like he had just missed something happen, like he had turned away before a huge spectacle was to take place. He catches something in the corner of his eye, and turns his head to lock with Kenma's analytical eyes.

 

"What?"

 

"Something is off with you."

 

"You feel it too, huh?"

 

He runs his hand through his bird's nest head of hair, exhaling deeply.

 

"Maybe I'm coming down with something."

 

"I thought idiots didn’t get colds."

 

"They don't, why do you think Lev is always so healthy?"

 

The pair share a laugh between them. Another much louder, much more superficial one is heard from a few stations away, and they turn to look at Bokuto: red-faced and sweating profusely. A slender black-haired man stands before him, the perfect picture of nonchalance, watching him with gunmetal blue eyes.

 

"Looks like he's bombing in front of Akaashi-san again."

 

When Kuroo doesn't move, only raising a hand to his mouth to stifle his laughter, Kenma sighs again, prodding him in his side.

 

"Go save him and go feed your chicks."

 

“You never let me have any fun.”

 

Swaggering over to Akaashi’s station, wheelbarrow in tow, now stocked with various fish for their older penguins, Kuroo calls out to Bokuto, who snaps his head towards him, eyes almost wet with embarrassment.

 

“Morning, Akaashi! Mind if I borrow this guy? We’ve got some chicks that need feeding.”

 

“Good morning, Kuroo-san and of course not, please do, the penguins must be of your utmost priority.”

 

Bokuto deflates at the _please do_ , giving Akaashi a small, pained smile and a nod before all but running out of the centre, the penguin feed bottles held tightly to his chest.

 

“Did I do something wrong?” Akaashi looks to Kuroo, his eyes questioning, just the slightest bit perturbed.

 

“Ah,” Kuroo begins, scratching the back of his neck “Bokuto is just a bit sensitive in the mornings, don’t worry about it, feeding the chicks will snap him out of it.”

 

“Sensitive in the mornings, duly noted.” Akaashi replies, with a sincerity that is somewhat endearing.

 

“Have a good shift, Akaashi.”

 

“And you, Kuroo-san.” the smaller man says with a small bow.

 

Wheeling the barrow out of the centre, Kuroo only has  to walk a few paces before he sees Bokuto, squatting down, pulling at his silver hair, a grimace marring his usually cheerful face.

 

Approaching his friend, he lays a tender hand on the spot between his shoulder blades. When Bokuto looks up at him, he’s met with watery eyes and an adorable pout.

 

“Bro..”

 

“It’s okay man, you were nervous.”

 

“You don’t get it, you didn’t hear the worst part, I-I sounded so stupid!”

 

“It can’t be that bad, Bo.” Kuroo replies softly.

 

“I said I was there to pick up my breakfast and jokingly sipped the chick’s breakfast smoothie, it was so gross.”

 

Kuroo draws his lips as deep as he can into his mouth,  a tight line drawing across his face, trying his very best not to laugh. Bokuto sighs, face relaxing in sad acceptance.

 

“It’s okay you can laugh, I wish he had, but no he just looked at me like the big, dumb, idiot I am.”

 

“Hey! No one talks about my best friend like that.”

 

Bokuto smiled up at him ruefully, sighing once more before standing to his full height, mussing his hair absentmindedly.

 

“You are in no way an idiot, you were shy in front of your crush, that’s natural.”

 

“Yeah, but-”

 

“No buts, next time you’ll make him swoon, the sexiest guy in the whole zoo interested in him? Swoon I say, swoon!”     

 

Blushing, Bokuto perks up, his usual toothy smile pulling across his face. He giggles as he nudges Kuroo lightly.

 

“Nah bro, that’s you.”

 

“What? Sexier than gold eyes, silver hair, busting biceps _and_ a killer smile? Nope, not possible.”

 

Face back to its usual vitality, smile broad and shoulders raised, Bokuto lets out a boisterous laugh, his blush still spread across his cheeks, a deep pink.

 

“ I guess I’m the best, huh!”

 

“Like no one ever was, now come on, we are cutting it close with the chicks’ breakfast.”

* * *

 

Sitting down cross legged, Kuroo carefully feeds Hana the bottle of fish blended breakfast. She nips at the bottle eagerly, her arms flapping as she does so. She breaks off, shaking her head and ruffling out her feathers before going back for more. She’s soon full and pulls back from the bottle completely, waddling off to join the other fed penguins.

 

Kuroo watches as she chirps with the others: they waddle, trip, fall, stand back up, peck at each other and do it all over again. Just a few weeks ago, these chicks hatched from eggs: their bodies feeble, unable to open their eyes or hold up their heads. Now they stood, growing bigger by the day, playing rough with each other, careless and free, in the spring of their youth, at home among fake snow and overzealous keepers.

 

Maybe it was the morning chill, but Kuroo was feeling slightly emotional. Thinking back on the last few years of his life, he never thought he would be here, working at a zoo, caring for small creatures that looked at him he was the world, friends by his side, living in central Tokyo away from the politics of his family.

 

Here he was free, here he was happy and after enough grief and doubt: he was finally content.

 

_I wish things could stay like this._

 

But the moment you express such thoughts to the universe, it does the opposite. It takes your words and twists them; contorting them into spheres and cylinders, pulling them apart and crushing them back together. It brings about turbulence, sweeping you up before it brings you hurtling down like a building caught in tempest.

 

And a tempest was indeed coming for one Kuroo Tetsurou.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Incident? Politics of his family? Why was Kenma blushing? Will Bokuto ever ask out Akaashi? Find out next time on 'swept up by your wave'! In all seriousness, thank you for reading this chapter, I'd really appreciate it if you left me a comment to tell me what you thought. I feel like this and the first chapter were a bit of preamble, I promise the story will pick up soon. I have decided that this will be a long fic, at very least 15 chapters, at the very most 18. I will also be adjusting the tags as I go along, but will not change the rating nothing too major happens, so don't worry! Anyway, thank you so much for reading and I hope to see you soon, in the next chapter <3
> 
>  


	3. she's a fighter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been almost 2 weeks since the last update and for that I apologise! I hope this extra long chapter makes up for it! btw [this](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/28/4d/a5/284da506995a7adacba6e84ad757c8de.jpg) was the piece of fanart that inspired this whole fic! As always thank you so much for reading <3

The first gusts of winds came a few days after he met Sawamura Daichi.

 

Kuroo had been cleaning the penguin's living quarters with Fukunaga and Onaga while Bokuto and Inuoka had been supervising the penguins, most especially the chicks. Haruichi Zoo boasted a large variety of animal life which included 31 penguins in total: 13 Emperor Penguins (including the 9 chicks), 10 African Penguins, 3 Rockhopper penguins, 4 Adélie Penguins and 1 very old King Penguin. All 31 of them lived in the penguin exhibit with the chicks living in a special padded section a bit away from the other penguins as they were still fragile and not strong enough to be fully integrated with them. The penguins, on average, ate 1/5th of their body weight everyday which (unfortunately for keepers) resulted in a lot of feces, so cleaning was always a hassle and without a doubt the worst part of being a penguin keeper. Especially because penguins are incredibly territorial. It took the strength of all 5 of the penguin staff members to herd all of the angry penguins away from their usual habitat to the makeshift one they stayed in while it was being cleaned. Usually they didn't need to remove the older penguins, but with the recent arrival of the chicks, the area had to be sanitized weekly to lessen the risk of them getting any infections or diseases. So with arms covered in industrial rubber gloves and faces with heavy duty respirators, Kuroo and his team had begun cleaning up. Their work was arduous (penguin poop is notoriously sticky stuff to scrub away) and while the respirators saved their nostrils, the stench still permeated through the air, sticking to their clothes and making their eyes water.

 

Though Bokuto and Inuoka weren't having the best time either, especially with the Adélie penguins who were the very definition of the phrase 'small but mighty'. While the ratio of 31 penguins to only 2 members of staff wasn't the best, the reality was that as many hands as possible were needed to clean the habitat quickly and effectively. Moreover, Bokuto and Inuoka were the best call for the task of supervising the penguins. Both had abnormally high levels of energy and enthusiasm, treating the task like a competition between them. Who could get more penguins to follow after them? Who could carry the most chicks in their arms? Who could give the most headpats? For those two, the challenge of pacifying 31 penguins turned into a game; a friendly rivalry between senpai and kouhai. Though it could get out of hand sometimes, especially after the addition of the chicks: they had all flocked to Inuoka the first time they met him; eyes curious and beaks cautious. Their sole attention on him had caused one of Bokuto's depressed modes: heartbroken that his babies didn't love him anymore. Today, however, the turbulence came from Adélie penguins who were most unamused by their makeshift living quarters, perhaps the rocks weren't right or maybe it was the fact that the inflatable pool that had been set up for them was downright insulting in comparison to their usual 'mini lake' (as Kuroo liked to put it). The Adélies had Bokuto and Inuoka surrounded, letting out angry squawks and chirps, flapping their arms in indignation. Bokuto had one of the chicks in his arms, another two playing between his legs, while Inuoka was patting the head of their King penguin who was meek in his old age. Upon seeing the Adélie army surround them, Inuoka let out a good natured laugh and squatted down to greet them.

 

Which in hindsight wasn’t the smartest idea.

 

The duo had been standing in front of the gated entrance to the temporary home, so when the penguins had surrounded them they were boxed in between them and the only way out. Now penguins are clever creatures, sure they have two left feet but on the occasion they get those feet to work right: they can wreak havoc. Which is exactly what they decided on when Inuoka made the fatal mistake of getting down to their level.

 

In a flash, all 4 Adélies charged, small bodies puffed to make themselves appear larger, they sprang on Inuoka who fell back with their combined weight. He bumped into one of the chicks in between Bokuto’s legs, who in turn knocked into Bokuto who in turn tripped forward. With a yelp, Bokuto twisted his body while he fell, as to not harm the chick in his arms, slamming his back on the floor.

 

In an attempt to get back on his feet Inuoka grasped onto the gate to steady himself, unwittingly unhooking the latch that kept it closed. One of the Adélies, a bright, mischievous girl by the name of Momo caught the act and bundled through the opening, just managing to slip out of Inuoka’s fingers as he made a grab for her. Distracted by her attempt, he also missed out on the two others who made for the exit, only just catching the last Adélie before she too made a run for it.

 

Groaning, Bokuto let the chick in his arms get down before slowly picking himself off the floor. Luckily, the remaining penguins were unbothered, the African and Rockhopper’s minding their business, swimming good naturedly in their pool, the older Emperor penguins napping on the rocks, the old King waddling off to play with the other Emperor chicks (he was very gentle with them, affectionately referred to as Grandpa Penguin by visitors). Standing upright, a sharp shot up Bokuto’s back, groaning again he looked to Inuoka who looked back at him with wide, apologetic eyes.

 

“I’m so sorry Bokuto-senpai! I-I didn’t see them coming! It was so fast like bwam!”

 

“Don’t worry about it Inuoka! Those Adélies are too cunning for their own good.”

 

“Are you okay? Your back, you fell on it with a blamph! Is it broken? Should I go call the medical staff?”

 

“Nah, I’m fine!” He winces as he says so, the pain in his lower back beginning to throb.

 

“You’re not fine! You’re in pain!! I’ll call someone!”

 

Grabbing his walkie talkie from his overalls, Inuoka presses various buttons till the static plays out and a fractured voice comes through.

 

“What’s up Inuoka?”

 

“Kuroo-senpai! Bokuto-senpai is hurt, it was my fault, they just rushed me all at once and then he fell an-”

 

“Woah, woah, woah. Take a breath, is Bokuto breathing? Who rushed you?”

 

Placing a hand on Inuoka’s shoulders, Bokuto stumbles over to him, gently prying the walkie talkie from his trembling hands. Giving his junior a calming, toothy grin he responds to Kuroo’s questions.

 

“Kuroo! I’m good don’t worry! My back kills but I’m good, the problem is the Adélies, they got out.”

 

“Got out?”

 

“I’m sorry Kuroo-senpai!” Inuoka calls from beside Bokuto looking down at the walkie talkie with exasperation, “They tackled me and I crashed into Bokuto-senpai and they got out of the gate.”

 

“Okay, okay” Kuroo sighs through the device, “Did they all get out?”

 

“Just 3! Momo started it.”

 

“Of course it was Momo. Alright, Inuoka calm down, I’ll send medics down to Bokuto and Fukunaga to help you with the rest of the penguins.”

 

“Kuroo, I’m fine I swea-”

 

“No, you’re not. Your voice is strained and slower than usual.”

 

Bokuto sighs with a soft smile, Kuroo always notices the slightest things.

 

“What about our runaways?”

 

“We’ve just finished up cleaning so I’ll find them myself.”

 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? You probably stink right now Kuroo-senpai.”

 

“Geez thanks, what a great thing to say to your saviour.”

 

Bokuto laughs but it comes out pained. Kuroo sighs again from the radio.

 

“Bokuto, if you’re standing up, lie down and get the pressure off your back. Inuoka, take a deep breath, it’s alright these things happen. Well done for not letting more of them get free, you did well.”

 

His words have their usual pacifying effect, relaxing Inuoka who nods eagerly at the walkie talkie as if  he can see Kuroo right in front of him. Bokuto follows his instructions and eases himself back to the ground, giggling as some of the chicks waddle over to him and make him their new playground. Mumbling is heard over the walkie talkie before Kuroo’s voice comes back.

 

“Fukunaga will be with you soon, once he’s finished his shower. What direction did the Adélies run off ?”

 

“Umm they went left so towards the aquarium? Or maybe they turned and went for the dolphin exhibit?”

 

“Okay, I’ll get on it. Take it easy, Inuoka. Kuroo over and out~.”

 

Looking down at Bokuto, Inuoka lets out the breath he had been holding in since the penguins charged him. He hadn’t been with Haruichi Zoo very long and had been afraid that something like this would happen, worried that he’d mess up and get fired over it. But Kuroo’s reassurance had eased the fear that had bubbled up within him. He felt a gentle prod in his left hand and looked down to see a chick looking up at him with playful eyes. He bent down and gave the chick a soft pat on the head, which it responded to with an eager chirrup and flutter of its flippers. Smiling again, he ruffled the bird’s soft feathering, calming down completely and resolving to trust in his senior.

* * *

 

After disconnecting the call, Kuroo makes his way away from the showers, taking off his respirator and gloves. Washing his hands quickly and squirting disinfectant on them, then pulls out his walkie talkie once more to alert the zoo's medical staff of Bokuto's situation. He rushes through the employee communal area, towards the exit and bumps directly into someone.

 

“Woah, what’s the rush? Is there another penguin stampede?”

 

The soft-spoken humour in the voice catches Kuroo immediately as he looks down to see Sawamura looking back at him with a slight grin on his face.

 

“Yeah, something like that.”

 

“Really? What happened this time?”

 

“Some of the penguins managed to escape while we were cleaning their exhibit.”

 

“Escape? Do you need any help?”

 

The concern in his voice takes Kuroo by surprise, sure any animal escaping was a big deal but Sawamura seems especially alarmed, his humour from mere seconds ago gone, eyes now sharp and focused.

 

“Only 3 little penguins Sawamura, not a bear, no need to send in the cavalry.”

 

“Even worse. A ‘little penguin’ could be in all sorts of danger: could be terrorising guests, could have wandered into a predators exhibit, could have been trampled on or kidnapped.”

 

His words make Kuroo fully realise the severity of the situation. He blinks back at Sawamura dumbly, taking in his stern jaw and the disapproving quirk in his brow.

 

“Yeah, bu-”

 

“And you said 3 penguins? Which means all of those scenarios could be happening right now, so I suggest we get a move on.”

 

Without further discussion, he turns and pulls Kuroo’s arm as they exit the employee area. Kuroo follows like a berated child. All he can do is stare at the man who has his back to him, his shoulders sturdy, neck relaxed, head straightforward and determined; a man on a mission.

 

“Where were they last seen?”

 

“Huh? Oh um, the dolphin exhibit or aquarium.”

 

He stops and turns back to look at Kuroo.

 

“Which one?”

 

“Inuoka isn’t sure, they headed towards the dolphin exhibit but could have veered off towards the aquarium.”

 

Sawamura scrunches his eyebrows in thought, in the blink of an eye they smoothen out and he regards Kuroo with authority in his voice.

 

“I just came from the dolphin exhibit and didn’t see anything so our best bet is the aquarium. But to be safe, you go to the dolphin exhibit and I’ll head to the aquarium.”

 

“We’ll need fish to lure them back to their enclosure though.”

 

“So pick some up. The food centre is closer to the dolphin exhibit right? Get enough for both of us and meet me at the shark exhibit if you don’t find them there.”

 

He turns and heads towards the shark exhibit without a second glance, leaving Kuroo standing there stunned. Shaking his head as a low laugh leaves his lips, Kuroo straightens up and heads for his own destination.

* * *

 

With a bucket of fish in tow, Kuroo makes his way between visitors and workers, searching high and low for the runaway Adélies. He considers asking guests if they have seen anything but decides against it, Sawamura's words of someone attempting to steal them away clear in his mind. It's a tight spot to be in: alerting visitors and other staff could make it easier to find the penguins, while on the other hand alerting them would make the situation much bigger than it needed to be. How would the zoo director react? Sure they were just penguins but protocol dictated a full zoo shutdown in case of an animal escape, meaning guests would be ushered to safety near the entrance of the zoo which would mean complaints about their day being ruined over 3 small penguins. Today wasn't the busiest of days but it was still relatively full which could result in a lot of complaints. It's a complete gamble but Kuroo decides that it's best to keep it to himself and Sawamura, that way the situation didn't need to blow out of proportion. With renewed vigour, Kuroo continues scanning the area, give a low blow on the whistle around his neck hoping to alert the troublemakers he was trying to find.

 

After almost 5 minutes of searching, Kuroo was getting worried. It wasn't going as quick as he thought it would but it was far more troubling that no one seemed to see the Adélies anywhere. There were no whispers from confused visitors or no children pulling excitedly at parents saying they had just seen a penguin. Could they really have been kidnapped? Did he need to alert head security and have them close down the entrance? But enough time had passed for the offender to have left the property already, which meant he could just be wasting time calling head security and instead should alert the police. But what if there was no offender at all and he was overthinking things? _No, stop. Stay calm_. Panicking wouldn't help the situation at all. He marches towards the aquarium hoping that Sawamura has had better luck than he has. Upon entering it, he rounds corners, looking past glass window displays of beautiful fish: oranges, reds and pinks, all the while looking for the penguins with a small flashlight. He eventually spots Sawamura who, going by his facial expression hasn't had much luck either.

 

"You haven't found them either, huh?"

 

Sawamura looks up at the sound of his voice and for a moment a bashful smile crosses his face.

 

"Not exactly, I found two but when I gave chase they outran me."

 

Kuroo can't help the snort that comes out of him, nor can he help the next words that leave his mouth.

 

"I wouldn't have thought that'd be a problem for you, seeing as how your legs aren't that different from theirs."

 

A scowl comes across Sawamura's face so quickly, Kuroo can't help but mourn the loss of his previous expression.

 

"Are you seriously teasing me right now?"

 

"Shit, I'm sorry." He says schooling his features back to focus, "Where did you last see them?"

 

Sawamura turns to point to pathway behind him. A literal fork in the road stands before them, one leading towards the guest canteen and the other leading to the jellyfish exhibit.

 

"Let's split up: you go to the canteen and I'll go to the jellyfish exhibit."

 

"Breaking up with me already, Sawamura? After everything we've been through?" _Jesus, Tetsurou what the fuck?_

 

Sawamura looks at him completely flabbergasted, and maybe it's the dim aquarium lights but it looks like the slightest touch of pink colours his cheeks.

 

"Would you please take this _seriously_?!"

 

"Fuck, you're right. I'm sorry, I'm just worried, I guess? Anything could have happened to them and that terrifies me."

 

Honesty must have been the right thing to go with because Sawamura sighs, then regards him again with determination in his eyes.  

 

"Look, give me my portion of the fish and I'll go search my area and you do yours. At least two of them are in here, we will find them and get them back to their home, but we need to be quick."

 

Kuroo nods and grabs a handful of fish before stuffing them in the front pocket of his overalls. He hands Sawamura the rest in the bucket and turns to leave, but pauses and removes the whistle around his neck. He throws it without warning, but Sawamura catches it effortlessly.

 

"Use it if you find them, the sound is calming for them."

 

Sawamura nods and goes off down his own corridor, a light jog, back sturdy, completely focused. Kuroo makes his way to the canteen, looking around at the people gathered there. Not many, but enough to make the room buzz with voices, there are a group of schoolgirls giggling together, a family sitting at one table, a couple eating at another. He walks around the large room slowly trying to take in as much as he can. An overwhelming rush of relief floods his body when he spots a little girl sat on a table by herself, with two eager guests crowding around her. Approaching with caution, he gives a low whistle that mimic the one previously around his neck and brings out two small pieces of fish. The girl looks up startled, her eyes wide with fear. The two penguins at her feet turn and chirrup at Kuroo, bundling towards him at the sight of more fish.

 

"I-I'm sorry! I know I'm not supposed to feed them but they said they were hungry!"

 

Crouching down to pat the heads of the two Adélies while they eat their fish, Kuroo looks at the little girl with a warm smile on his face. She looks about 7 years old, is wearing a school uniform and has brown hair in a bun with a heart clip. She stands up, her bento box in her hands, where there's the remains of mackerel in the box as well as rice, vegetables and karaage.  

 

"No, thank you. If you weren't kind enough to feed them, I would have never found these two rascals."

 

The girl smiles, her fear melting away; replaced with a sunny disposition. Kuroo wraps his arm around the penguins, tucking them both under one arm with ease and stands up to his full height, they squawk in protest but are silenced when he chucks two more pieces of fish their way.

 

"I'm Megumi Kobayashi," the little girl says with pride, "I am in my 2nd year of elementary school!"

 

"It's nice to meet you Megumi-chan~ I'm Kuroo Tetsurou and I'm a penguin keeper."

 

"Really? How do you do it Kuroo-san? Are they like your children? Do you take them home with you? Or do you sleep at the Zoo? Do you live at the zoo?"

 

"Yes, lots of training, kinda, no, no and no."

 

"Wow."

 

Her impressed face is so cute, Kuroo can't help but chuckle at it, the penguins under his arm squirm; demanding more fish. But he realises something and looks at the little girl again with more concern.

 

"Megumi-chan, why are you by yourself?"

 

Her smile drops and she puts her bento down on the table. She looks down and begins picking at her fingers, her small shoulders tense and her voice comes out with none of its previous zest.

 

"I'm on a school trip. I had a group that my teachers put me in but they went off without me."

 

She raises her head again, her eyes teary but fiery at the same time.

 

"I don't care though! I'm having fun all on my own! And I've made new friends like you, Kuroo-san!"

 

His chest tightens at her words, at her strength and defiance. But her sadness is too apparent, too vivid, and all too familiar. Against his better judgement to swiftly return her to her group, he smiles at her before making a proposition.

 

"Megumi-chan, would you like to help me with a special task?"

 

* * *

 

Making their way out of the aquarium, hand in hand, Kuroo and Megumi go towards the makeshift penguin habitat. When they reach it, they see Bokuto lying on his stomach, a medic administering ointment to his back and an ice pack. Inuoka's face lights up when he see Kuroo and he rushes over to take the two penguins, who had been snoozing under his arm; sedated with delicious fish.

 

"Thank you so much Kuroo-senpai!"

 

"Don't thank me yet, their ringleader is still at large."

 

"Hey hey Kuroo! You took longer than I thought you would." Bokuto calls, thanking the medic and slowly getting up off the ground. His gold eyes hone in on Megumi, who looks back at him with a small smile.

 

"Oya? And who is this?"

 

"This is Megumi! Our honorary penguin keeper for the day."

 

"Oh? Is she now? Hmm, I don't know if she's got the stuff!" Bokuto says playfully.

 

"What? You dare question my judgement?"

 

"Momo is a tough one, Kuroo. Do you really think she can handle it?"

 

"I can!" Megumi pipes up, her eyes firing up with determination.

 

"Hmm, show me your best war face Mecchan!"

 

Megumi lets go off Kuroo's hand and faces Bokuto directly, she clenches her fists and scrunches her face; letting out a small battle cry. Bokuto hoots and slaps a hand on his chest, eyes wild and impressed.

 

"Oya! You're right, she's a real fighter!"

 

Megumi beams and looks up at Kuroo with the kind of joy that can only be expressed by a child, it's an expression that's worlds away from the sad one she wore back in the aquarium, an expression that deserves to be on her face. Looking back at the habitat, he sees only the African penguins and the old King. As if sensing his confusion, Inuoka speaks up.

 

"Since you finished cleaning, Fukunaga-senpai and Onaga started getting the penguins back to their home, in small batches."

 

"Ah alright~. Okay, Megumi-chan and I are gonna go hunt down Momo. Bokuto, take it easy and don't do anything to put pressure on your back. Inuoka, join in with getting the penguins back to their main habitat when the others get back and keep an eye on Bokuto. We'll see you soon."

 

Mock saluting Kuroo, Inuoka bounds off to gather the remaining penguins, while Bokuto gives Megumi a toothy grin and a thumbs up. Looking down at her, Kuroo smiles before squeezing her hand lightly.

 

"Ready to catch a runaway?"

 

"I'm ready!"

 

* * *

 

Upon entering the aquarium, they head towards the jellyfish exhibit but don't make it very far before they hear a commotion. Staff members have sectioned off the entrance to the exhibit and are directing guests away from the scene. Kuroo and Megumi walk up to where stanchions have been used to close off the exhibit but are stopped by a member of staff. Kuroo has seen her before but hasn't really met her. She stands directly in front of them, her brow slightly quirked in confusion as she looks at Megumi, the dim lights reflecting off her glasses.

 

"I'm afraid this area has been closed off due to certain circumstances."

 

"I know, I'm here to get the penguin back to her habitat."

 

Kiyoko Shimizu takes her eyes of Megumi and looks up at Kuroo, recognition sparking through her eyes. She takes in his uniform and demeanour before looking back at the little girl.

 

"And the child?"

 

"She's with me."

 

"I'm an honorary penguin keeper for the day!" Megumi beams and her face is enough to make a soft laugh pass between Kiyoko's lips.

 

"Are you sure about this...Kuroo-san, was it?"

 

"Uh, yeah! The one and only!" He wasn't sure how she knew his name but now wasn't the time to ask questions, "And don't worry, we know what we are doing, right Megumi?"

 

"Right!"

 

"So is Sawamura still in there?"

 

"Yes, Daichi has the penguin more or less cornered but she's very slippery."

 

"That's Momo for you, clever girl that one. Is he the only one trying to catch her?"

 

"Yes, we were going to get more staff to assist him but he said that would only distress her and make her more likely to become aggressive."

 

"He's not wrong, especially as she's an Adélie, too much pressure and she's bound to get violent."

 

He thinks for a moment, weighing all the various possibilities and outcomes of the plans that flash through his mind. With a firm nod of his head, he crouches down to Megumi's level and gives her a cheeky grin.

 

"So, here's the plan."

* * *

 

Megumi walks through the exhibit quietly, looking up at the glass displays of various jellyfish. Blues and pinks, they swim like clouds, gently floating through the water. But now is not the time for pretty things! She's on a mission and she needs to be attentive. She sees a man wearing a tight orange and black shirt and walks towards him.

 

"Sawamura-san?"

 

The man startles at the sound of his name and turns to look down at her in surprise.

 

"I'm sorry but the exhibit is closed right now, you se-"

 

"I know! I'm on a mission with Kuroo-san to catch Momo!"

 

"Kuroo sent you?"

 

"Yes! And we have a plan!"

 

After she relays the plan to Sawamura, he blinks a couple of times before a constipated look comes across his face.

 

"It isn't the most creative of plans but it might work, I take it Kuroo came up with it himself?"

 

"Yep, he said it was foolproof!"

 

"A fool would say that."

 

"Huh?"

 

"Nevermind, let's get to it then!"

 

"Yeah!"

 

Sawamura points to a corner of the room near a wide bench, where a small penguin sits guzzling down fish from a small pail. He pulls the finger he used to point to his lips and Megumi creeps towards the penguin as quietly as they can. Once a safe enough distance, Sawamura nods at Megumi who let's out her battlecry immediately alerting Momo to her presence.

 

"Come here, Momo!"

 

The penguin jumps up and bolts, running away from her towards the entrance of the exhibit only to face to face with the other creature that had been chasing her earlier. She doubles back sliding on her stomach, and makes her way down the corridor that leads to an emergency exit. Megumi gives chase, giggling as she races to catch up with the rogue penguin. Behind her, Sawamura snatches up the pail and follows them. Momo reaches exit and being the clever girl she is, jumps and grabs on to the bar with her beak. The door swings open from the impact and she lets go of the bar, aiming to continue fleeing but finds herself instead caught in a rubber bucket. She looks with dark eyes to see a familiar creature with bright eyes grinning down at her.

 

"Gotcha!"

 

Kuroo's exclamation draws light cheers and applause from the small crowd that had gathered by the exit. He looks up and grins at his audience and then turns his eyes back down to the rubber bucket in his arms, at the Adélie looking up at him like she was sulking.

 

"Let's get you back home, Momo."

 

"You did it! You caught her!"

 

He looks back at the emergency exit to see Megumi, her eyes wide with joy and Sawamura, arms crossed but a slight smile on his face. He looks back at him with his own cocky grin.

 

"Like I said, foolproof ~."

 

"Yeah, alright let's get her back to her exhibit."

 

Making their way through the small crowd, they head back to the penguins proper habitat. Sawamura waits by the exhibit with Megumi, as Kuroo enters through the back to place Momo back with her family. Inuoka's jumps up at his entrance and Bokuto lets out a joyful cheer, while the other members smile on in relief.. Momo joins her fellow penguins without a fight, seemingly happy to be home; they crowd her chirping as she no doubt regales them with her adventure. From across the exhibit, Kuroo spots Sawamura and Megumi who wave as they notice him.

 

When makes his way back to them, he crouches down and raises his hand towards Megumi for a high five which she eagerly accepts.

 

"Well done, Megumi-chan! You did amazing!"

 

"Thank you! Sawamura-san did a lot too!"

 

Her smile is so bright, so elated, the way it's supposed to be. It's almost painful to see, because he can't guarantee that her face will stay that way, he can't stop whatever she is going through at school, the best he could do for the little girl in front of him was make sure that her day was one that she'd remember for the right reasons. It's harder to remember painful times when you have joyful ones, it's better to try and replace that sadness with something lighter, something wholesome.

 

Maybe Kuroo's conflicted feelings show on his face because Sawamura looks at him strangely. His expression is somewhere between bewildered and doleful, and he opens his mouth to say something. But is cut off by the speaker system that rings through the zoo:

 

_"Could Megumi Kobayashi of Himejigawa Elementary School, please make her way to the head reception? That's Megumi Kobayashi of Himejigawa Elementary School."_

 

"That's me!"

 

Putting his hand on her shoulder, Sawamura smiles down at Megumi.

 

"Let's get you back to your school."

 

* * *

 

When they reach the reception, Megumi runs towards her schoolmates and teachers. One comes up to Kuroo and Sawamura and begins thanking and apologising to them profusely. After they calm her down and explain the situation, she makes one last very low bow before walking back to her students. She says something to Megumi who nods and runs back to them with one of bright smiles. She motions for Kuroo to crouch down and when he does hugs him with all her might. Taken aback, it takes him a few seconds before he places his own hands on her small back. When she pulls away she beams at him once again.

 

"Thank you for taking care of me and for such a wonderful day!" She finishes her thanks with a small curtsy, pulling at the hems of her skirt like a princess.

 

"No thank you, Megumi-chan. You were the best honourary penguin keeper ever, I have no doubt that you'll make an excellent keeper one day." She beams at him, her smile wide and happy.

 

"Thank you as well Sawamura-san, we make a good team!"

 

He lets out a hearty laugh and nods at her.

 

"We really do. Be good now, Megumi."

 

She makes her way back to her school group, waving at them as her school leaves the zoo. The pair wave back at her, watching until they see them begin to file into their school bus. They turn to each other and start to walk back to the aquatic faction.

 

"Good work today, I honestly didn't think that plan would work."

 

"You doubt me, Sawamura?"

 

"Very much so."

 

Kuroo clutches a hand to his chest, feigning pain which rouses a chuckle from the other man.

 

"Can you blame me? You weren't exactly the paragon of focus when we first started looking."

 

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I really don't know what that was."

 

"Don't worry about it."

 

Sawamura's voice is relaxed and carefree. Kuroo looks over to him as they walk, taking in his face and shoulders. Calm, steady, boyish. Sawamura looks incredibly youthful when he smiles, like one of the many teens Kuroo would see walking home from school after his early shifts. He had a sort of charm that was warming, comforting. He was dependable and driven, it was clear as day from the way he took charge the moment he heard about the penguin station, from the way he had pulled Kuroo along. Fully concentrated on the job at hand. It was refreshing and strangely humbling.

 

"-like that, huh?"

 

"I'm sorry, what? I zoned out for a second there."

 

"I asked if you had any children, you got along really well with Megumi."

 

"Kids!? Jesus, Sawamura I'm only 25."

 

"I'll take that as a no then?"

 

"I don't have kids or anything like that. She was just alone when I found her and…"

 

His voices falters as he lets out a breath, pushing down memories that have no right to flash in his mind.

 

"No kid should have to be alone like that."

 

He looks to Sawamura whose eyes soften when they met his. It makes him feel warm and safe, like he's been wrapped up in a blanket.

 

"She'll remember this day, what you did for her, she'll remember."

 

"Stop Sawamura, you'll make me cry." He wipes pretend tears from his eyes dramatically.

 

Before the shorter man can reply, a rumble comes from his stomach. The sound makes Kuroo guffaw, Sawamura's cheeks stain pink.

 

"Hey, that whole ordeal was during my lunch break!"

 

Calming down his cackles, Kuroo wipes actual tears from his eyes.

 

"God, I'm sorry, that sound was just too good."

 

They stop as they reach the aquatic fraction, standing near the sea lion exhibit. Sawamura looks at Kuroo again, his lips pulled in a small pout. It's kinda cute.

 

"You owe me now."

 

"Yeah sure, Sawamura. Let's get something to eat."

 

"I can't right now, my break ended 11 minutes ago. Besides," He looks at Kuroo with a sly grin pulling across his features, "You smell like shit."

 

"Oi!" Kuroo pulls on his shirt and gives a quick sniff. "Ugh, I can't argue with that. Rain check?"

 

"Yeah sure," Sawamura calls already walking off towards his exhibit, "I like ramen!"

 

Kuroo watches him go and gives a mock salute as he disappears among wandering visitors and busy staff. He stills feels warm, still feels safe. It's a comforting feeling, and as Kuroo walks towards the communal employee area, he hopes it doesn't leave him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you just love Kuroo whyamiflirtingwiththishotguy Tetsurou? Because I do, so, so much. I have this headcanon that Kuroo is just really good with kids, he's patient and knows all the right things to say to them. I love writing dialogue between him and Daichi, honestly it writes itself, their chemistry is so fun to play with. Please as always let me know what you thought about this chapter, I adore, adore, adore comments! They make me so happy and smiley. Thank you and I'll see you in the next chapter.
> 
>  


	4. an easy target

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 5am and I need to be up for uni in an hour, I haven't slept and I haven't prepared for my first class later this morning. Why do I do this to myself, you ask? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Aaanyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter ♡

A child sits in the centre of the washitsu, kneeling patiently; his hands trembling as they rest on his thighs. Head bent down, he’s staring at a slight wrinkle in the tatami mat, a crease that breaks the perfect harmony of the rest of the design.

 

He and the crease are very much alike.

 

The shōji doors slide open and light footsteps make their way into the room. From the child’s bowed position, a pair of pristine tabi socks come into view as well as the hem of a kimono: monolithic black; sharply regal. The child does not lift his head out of defiance; does not want to give in to the tightening in his chest. He tries to will his hands to stop trembling but they do not listen; his body no longer belongs to him. It belongs to fear, and fear pulls him like a marionette; strings pulling his head up to take in the woman that stands before him.

 

“Your hand.”

 

A string pulls his right hand out; lifting it into the air. The tension in the room is heavy; suffocating as the child watches the woman watch his hand. Waiting for it to be perfectly still.

 

Stilling his hand, the child waits for the tension to finally break.

 

The lash of the cane is so quick, that the pain pauses before it runs through his body like a fire engulfing a forest. He cries out, stupidity overriding his fear; making noise only adds to his lashings. He knows this but the first stroke is always the most painful; it awakens wounds that had only just finished healing. 

 

She stands waiting for him to compose himself, eyes sharp and despotic. She’s doing this to make him a man, and a man must be hardened by pain, must be shaped to fit the mould of his destiny no matter the cost.

 

When the child is ready, his hand is raised still in the air once again and the rest of his lashings are doled out. With each stroke, his body shakes but he’s smart enough to not make a sound. When his right hand is thoroughly dealt with she moves to on to his left. All the while, tears stream down the child’s face, wet, dreary things that look like rain streaks on glass. A bubble of snot is blown up on his left nostril and the sight disgusts her, enough for her add another stroke. 

 

She exhales deeply, willing her body to relax. She watches the child, watches as he silently places both of his palms back on his thighs. His form is improving, his shaking not as severe.

 

“This is what you deserve, you know that don’t you.”

 

The child nods.

 

“You must correct your behaviour in order for this to stop.”

 

The child nods.

 

“You will remain here while you reflect on what you have done. Not a sound from this room.”

 

The child nods.

 

"Do I make myself clear, Tetsurou?"

 

“Yes, mother.”

 

His voice doesn’t shake as he speaks, she smiles; finally he’s getting stronger. She turns and exits the room, oblivious to the damage she caused, oblivious to the trauma she’s inflicted, oblivious to the silent open mouthed cries the boy heaves after she slides shut the shōji doors. 

 

Oblivious to it all.

 

Or perhaps, she simply doesn’t care.

* * *

 

Yawning, Kuroo watches Hana waddle after Mikan, a chick with a distinct white patch on her otherwise black head. They’re playing their own version of ‘follow the leader’, one that includes a lot more tripping and playful slapping than Kuroo remembers. Not that he played the game much in his younger years.

 

A low whistle stops him from falling down the rabbit hole of his mind, and he looks up from his crouched position to his left and sees Sawamura giving him a small wave. Kuroo stands up and saunters over to him, a lazy grin already fitting itself on his face.

 

“Can’t stay away huh, Sawamura?”

 

Rolling his eyes, the man in question joggles the whistle in his hands before chucking it to him.

 

“I just forgot to give this back yesterday.”

 

“Oh thanks, I didn’t even remember.”

 

“So your memory is as scrambled as your hair, huh?”

 

Blinking in surprise at his teasing, Kuroo leans on the railing between them.

 

“That was uncalled for Sawamura, underhanded even.”

 

“What can I say? You’re an easy target.”

 

“Is that so? You shouldn’t play with fire, Sawamura, you’ll get burnt~”

 

Sawamura laughs as he stretches and turns to head back to his exhibit.

 

“I’ll keep that in mind. Oh, we’re still good for lunch right?”

 

“Huh? Yeah, of course. I’m a man of my word.”

 

Waving again as he walks away, Sawamura calls out once more. 

 

“Good to know.”

 

Kuroo watches him go, watches his relaxed back and sturdy, upright head, something that feels familiar though it hasn’t yet been a week since they met.

 

“Kuroo! Time for weigh in!”

 

Bokuto strolls over to him with two penguins in tow, the old King and one of the chicks, who is having fun nipping at Bokuto’s fingers.

 

“Yeah, yeah, the chicks first?”

 

“Yup!”

 

They weight the chicks, giving each a small fish filled with a vitamin as they stand on the scales. Each chick averages up to 2 lbs, all except Hana who is only 1 lbs. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but definitely an outlier.

 

“That’s odd. She’s eating just as much as the rest of them, isn’t she?” Kuroo asks as he places her back down on the ground. 

 

“Hmm, I’m pretty sure she is! But maybe she’s just burning it off quicker than the rest? She runs after you like you’re krill.” Bokuto responds from the portable chair he’s been begrudgingly assigned to, to take the pressure off his back. 

 

"I don't know. She shouldn't be half the weight of all the other chicks. Could you go see Kenma and ask him to make something special for her to bulk up with? I want to start monitoring her meals more closely." Kuroo replies.

 

"Sur-..umm actually my back is really acting up..so uh..w-why don't you do it?"

 

Kuroo looks at Bokuto with a raised brow, who won't meet him eye. Smirking, he pats his friend's shoulder with a sly grin. 

 

"Of course. I'm sure your back hurting has nothing to do with the fact that Akaashi's on shift."

 

At the mention of his crush's name, Bokuto goes pink and he grumbles under his breath before looking up at Kuroo's smirk with an indignant scowl.

 

"Okay fine, it is! I just don't want to see him yet, I-I don't know what to say."

 

"Bo, you've been avoiding him since Monday. If you don't snap out of it, it's gonna be a whole week since you've spoken to him and then he's definitely going to know something is up with you, if he hasn't already guessed."

 

Bokuto sighs and rubs his hands over his face. He pouts and crosses his arms like a petulant child.

 

"I know, I know but Kuroo~," he whines, pouting with comically wide eyes, "Please, please just this once! I'll talk to him before the end of the day I swear, just not right now."

 

"Alright fine, I'll go. But the longer you wait the harder it'll be in the end." 

 

With a dramatic flourish of his right hand to his chest Kuroo raises his head to the sky.

 

“You’re lucky I’m always this nice.”

 

"Aww shut it, you annoying cat."

 

Kuroo sticks his tongue out with a wink as he exits the exhibit, almost skipping his way to the food centre.

* * *

  
  


When he enters the centre, Kuroo notices that Kenma isn't at his station. He walks over to Akaashi's instead, taking in the smell of raw meat and freshly cut fruit.

 

“How’s it going Akaashi.”

 

Blue eyes meet Kuroo’s for a moment before flicking to his side as if searching for something or perhaps  _ someone. _ Grinning like a maniac, Kuroo stops right in front of his station.

 

“Unfortunately, Bokuto isn’t with me right now.”

 

His voice is teasing, eyes glittering as he searches Akaashi’s face for the slightest chink in his stoic facial armour. He finds it, the slightest twitch of his lip that lasts just as long as it took Kuroo to find it.

 

“Of course, Bokuto-san’s back is healing, there’s no need for him to busy himself with a trip here.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“What’s the matter?”

 

“I’m surprised you know about Bokuto’s back.”

 

Akaashi lets out a noise that sounds midway between a gasp and a tsk, before clearing his throat softly. 

 

“Kozume-san let me know.”

 

“Ah, so you and Kenma talk about Bokuto when he’s not around, huh? I wonder why.” Kuroo’s grin is spread so wide across his face it almost looks sinister but Akaashi isn’t intimidated merely irritated.

 

Akaashi takes a breath and gives Kuroo a small smile.

 

“Of course not Kuroo-san, I was merely concerned about the health of a fellow colleague. I make no attempt to learn more than is necessary for the continued healthy function of the zoo.”

 

Kuroo sighs, his game of provocation lost to Akaashi who refuses to call his bluff. 

 

“You’re a tough one to crack, Akaashi.”

 

“I haven’t a clue what you mean, Kuroo-san. If you’re looking for Kozume-san, he’s in the kitchens replenishing the stock.”

 

“Mmhmm, of course you don’t and thanks.” Kuroo says with a mock salute as he wanders further into the centre, passing by other food prep stations where workers are cutting up fruit and veg, meat and even bugs all for their designated animals. Each worker takes their time in preparing food, measuring, dividing some even tasting to make sure it's right. The love for their animals is evident in every member of Haruichi Zoo from the security guards who worked the night shift to the custodians who swept up after visiting hours ended. 

 

Rounding a corner, Kuroo opens a door that leads to the large main kitchen that stores majority of the animal food. He doesn’t make it far into the room before he spots the familiar bleach blonde hair of his closest friend. With his back to him, Kenma’s on his phone; his voice soft and surprisingly affectionate.

 

“I can’t wait to see you either, Shoyou, but I’m at work right now.”

 

Whoever Shoyou is, they must be a fairy from the way their reply makes Kenma chuckle lowly.

 

“Me too, I’ll call you soon, okay? Bye, Shoyou.”

 

The phone call ends with a click and Kenma turns to face the wide, feline sneer marring Kuroo’s usually handsome face. Kenma groans, a grimace firmly setting itself on his face. 

 

“Who’s Sho-”

 

“Don’t.”

 

“Kenmaaaaaa, it’s just the two of us here! I swear I won’t tell a soul.”

 

“Kuro, it’s not important and I’m on shift do you need something or what?”

 

“Not important? Whoever this Shoyou is they just made you giggle like a high school girl.”

 

Kenma’s scowl deepens but his cheeks go pink.

 

“I didn’t.”

 

“Did.”

 

“Didn’t.”

 

There’s a moment of silence, which Kenma takes as a sign to get back to work; picking up a bucket of frozen fish and lifting it to the central counter of the kitchen.

 

“Did.”

 

“Didn’t.”

 

Kuroo sighs and leans on the counter watching his friend, who is ignoring him with practised ease. He watches his hand work as his divides the fish between two containers, his eyes go to Kenma’s face; to his focused eyes and his straight lips. But there’s something hiding beneath his quiet demeanour. Warmth, energy that usually only comes out when he’s playing a challenging video game. His face is calm but also lively, his eyes gleaming. 

 

“Kenma,” Kuroo’s voice is gentle like he’s trying to coax a frightened kitten, “I only want to know who’s responsible for making you so happy, so I can thank them for it.”

 

The faux blonde’s hands still for a moment before they continue their ministrations. He doesn’t look at Kuroo but speaks nonetheless.

 

“Shoyou’s just a friend but…I like him.”

 

“Then go for it, Kenma.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

His tone may be nonchalant, but Kuroo can tell his friend is happy with his reply. He doesn’t reveal much but Kenma always has unspoken questions that Kuroo always seems to know the answers to. Kuroo’s words are always heartfelt, as he always has the best intentions for his friends because above all the teasing and provocation, he loves them dearly.

 

“Oh yeah! Can you make me something to fatten up one of the chicks.”

 

Finally looking at him, Kenma raises a brow at Kuroo’s exclamation.

 

“Why?”

 

“Hana is half the weight of the rest of the chicks and I’m worried about her.”

 

“Hmm, how’s her stool?”

 

“A bit watery I guess? But isn’t that normal?”

 

“It should be more solid now, they’re about a month and a half old now, right?”

 

“A month and a week.”

 

“Okay, I’ll make her something separate from the other chicks. I’ll add some vitamins that promote weight gain.”

 

“Thanks Kenma~”

 

Kuroo turns to leave but senses that Kenma isn’t done. He looks serious, which isn’t unlike him but he also looks tentative. 

 

“Kuro.”

 

His voice is quiet, unsure, mouselike.

 

“What do I say? I’m meeting him tonight.”

 

Kuroo's face softens, taking in Kenma's quietly shy mien. 

 

“You tell him the truth, be direct. You enjoy his company, he makes you laugh and if he’s okay with it: you want to go further in your relationship.”

 

“But what if he doesn’t want to.”

 

“Then he doesn’t want to, if you like him then he’s probably a good person and that won’t ruin your relationship.”

 

“Yeah...you’re right.”

 

“You really like him, huh?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Kuroo walks over to him and places a hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

 

“Hey, it’ll work out okay and if it doesn’t he’s not the one.”

 

“Yeah, okay. Get back to your penguins, I’ll have Hana’s food done by their next meal time.”

 

Kuroo pulls him in a hug which makes Kenma let out an irritated huff but he otherwise doesn’t fight it.

 

Kuroo pulls back, gasping dramatically.

 

“Y-you let me hug you!?”

 

“Get out of here before I regret it.”

 

Kuroo runs to the door, blowing a kiss over his shoulder as he exits.

 

Kenma rolls his eyes.

* * *

 

Lunch comes around sooner than later and Kuroo finds himself walking towards the dolphin exhibit with a jump in his step. He's excited, much more so than he should be, it's only lunch, it's only with Sawamura but, but something feels different. Kuroo feels light, his chest incredibly warm and his body relaxed. He spots Sawamura by the large pool area and watches him lift himself out of the water. Droplets roll down his back and his shoulders tense, his biceps flexing as they pull him out onto dry land. He stands and shakes his head, wiping his face as Kuroo watches more droplets roll down his body. A certain large droplet rolls down his chin, down his pectorals, rolling over toned muscle made visible through the tight fitting material of his watersuit.

 

Kuroo eyes rake over Sawamura's body and he absentmindedly runs his tongue across his bottom lip, which is awfully dry for some reason. A hand clasps his shoulder and he jolts out of whatever just took ahold of him.

 

"Kuroo, right?"

 

He turns to face Sugawara, who is leering at him with a mischievous glint in his eye. They knew of each other but as they worked different areas of the zoo, had only really seen each other during official full staff meetings.

 

"Yeah, Sugawara?"

 

"Daichi said you'd be treating us to lunch!"

 

"Uhh,  _ treating _ you?"

 

A large man with a meek face appears by Sugawara's side, and tries to give Kuroo a placating look.

 

"No, no, no, Daichi just said the two of you were getting lunch! Um, would you mind if we tagged along?"   
  


Before Kuroo can respond to Azumane, a man who works at the main reception, the taller man is punched in the gut by his springly silver haired companion.

 

"Asahi! What did you say that for? I was working my magic on him, I was gonna get us free food!"

 

Chuckling comes from behind them and they all turn to see Sawamura walking up to them with a towel, rubbing his hair and face.

 

"Work your magic? What, were you going to blackmail him into feeding you?"

 

Suga puffs out his cheeks with a pout and punches Sawamura on the shoulder causing him to let out a grunt.

 

"You always think the worst of me."   
  


"You don't have the best track record, Suga."

 

Azumane lets out a light chuckle, which makes Suga direct his violent tendencies back towards him. Kuroo can't help but fall silent as he watches them, all of comfortable in each other's presence.  Like a single unit, they flow together, laugh together like it's been like this for years. It's endearing to watch but also alienating, like Kuroo is an outsider looking in, like he can't share in on the festivities. Cold seeps into his chest, cold that holds onto him like an anchor.

 

"Kuroo?"

 

"Huh, sorry what?"

 

He looks to Sawamura who is staring directly at him.

 

"I said are you ready to go? I'm starving."

 

Sugawara giggles, "It doesn't take much, Daichi."

 

"Shut up."

 

"Yeah, I'm ready. Let's go eat."

 

The four of them leave the zoo led by Sawamura and Sugawara who chat together animatedly, the latter dominating the conversation. Kuroo and Azumane follow behind, Azumane making quiet remarks to add to the lively chatter while Kuroo remains silent, watching on oblivious to the curious glances Sawamura sends his way.

* * *

 

They decide to go to a local ramen restaurant. Upon entering, Suga makes his way to the counter eager to order his lunch. Azumane follows after him warily, trying to get him to calm down so he doesn't disturb the other patrons. Sawamura taps Kuroo on his shoulder, shaking him out of thoughts.

 

"Are you doing okay? You seem out of it."

 

"I'm fine, just tired. Didn't sleep well last night."

 

"I guess yesterday took more out of you than you realised." 

 

"Yep, well, ya know, being a hero takes a lot."

 

"Hero?"

 

"I mean I did find and rescue all 3 escaped penguins."

 

"Uh huh, and who helped with that?"

 

"Oh shit, you're right, I would have never found them if not for Megumi."

 

"No- well- yes, but I mean-"

 

Kuroo cackles as Sawamura stumbles over his words, a small pout playing at his lips.

 

"I'm just fucking with you, Sawamura."

 

"Ass."

 

"I've got a great one, thanks." 

 

Sighing, Sawamura shakes his head in exasperation.

 

"Kozume said you were a handful."   
  


"Speaking of which, how do you know Kenma?"

 

"Oh, he's friends with kouhai of mine. I met him a while back when he came to visit Miyagi."

 

"You're from Miyagi?"   
  


"Born and bred."

 

"I hope Tokyo's not to much for a country bumpkin like you."   
  


Sawamura glares at him and pokes a finger to his chest, his face stern yet strangely alluring.

 

"I'll have you know that I-"

 

"Daichi! Shoyu ramen, right?"

 

Hearing his name called, his expression warms immediately and he turns to his friends with a smile, walking over to them to make his order and pay. The cold from earlier comes back as Kuroo watches the trio jest, watches them poke and tease each other, watches Sugawara pull on Sawamura's arm like his fingers belong there. The cold numbs his thoughts as he orders his own meal, even as he carries his warm bowl to his seat on the table across from Sawamura.

 

"So, Kuroo, how long have you been working at Haruichi Zoo?"

 

He looks up from his bowl to Sugawara, who is shaking a worrying amount of chilli flakes onto his ramen. 

 

"Uh,  coming up on 4 years now."

 

"Wow, 4 years picking up penguin crap, that's dedication."

 

Kuroo laughs, his body relaxing, the cold melting away.

 

"Yeah, I guess it is. It's flown by if I'm being honest, when I first joined I didn't intend to stay that long."

 

"Really, what made you stay?" Azumane asks, after swallowing a mouthful of his ramen.

 

"I got the job part-time thanks to the owner Nekomata-san. I've known him since I was a kid so when he asked me to work here, I couldn't really say no. Anyway, I got really attached to the penguins and couldn't leave, especially not after the first penguin I took care of got pregnant."

 

"Aww, that's so cute. I feel you though, my lions are my babies!" Sugawara swoons, clutching his chopsticks to his chest. "But you probably feel it more than the two of us, huh Daichi?"

 

They both turn to face Sawamura, who has his face stuffed with ramen. His cheeks are bulging with food and sauce drips down the side of his lip. Kuroo can't help the loud snort that leaves him at the sight, he chokes on his noodles and Azumane has to slam his hand on his back to help him breathe. Sugawara isn't much better, chortling at Sawamura, slamming his own hand down on the table to accent his amusement, sending condiments wobbling over. Azumane scrambles about trying to pick them all up while apologising fervently to the staff and other customers for the disruption, Kuroo and Suga shaking with laughter. Sawamura goes pink, quickly chewing and swallowing his food in order to reprimand them.

 

"Shut up, both of you!"

 

"O-oh god, D-daichi, I'm sorry you just looked like-"

 

"A chipmunk! Sawamura, that was too good, I'm actually in tears."

 

"I said shut up! Asahi, calm down! No one cares anymore."

 

Azumane sits down abruptly, glancing around the restaurant shyly before facing his food again. Kuroo and Suga get their laughter under control while Sawamura clears his throat.

 

"Oh god," Sugawara says wiping away tears, "What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Daichi probably loves his dolphins more than anyone else, huh?"

 

"Why's that?"

 

"He went abroad to get special training with some of the best trainers in the industry, all the way to America."

 

"Would you stop making it sound so dramatic?" Daichi says rolling his eyes and facing Kuroo, "I got an internship after I graduated and went over to the US for a few years, which is why I only just joined Haruichi Zoo."

 

"I'm impressed Sawamura, Miyagi to America must have been a big jump for you." Kuroo teases, with a grin.

 

"Why, because I'm a 'country bumpkin'?"

 

"Oh, so you admit it?"

 

"What are you, 12 years old?"

 

"Eleven, actually."

 

Azumane and Sugawara laugh over their petty squabble and soon all four of them are chuckling over it. They fall into easy conversation, ranging from Sawamura's time in the US to the birth story of the chicks, the air between them comfortable and relaxed. Kuroo learns that the three of them went to high school and later university together, that Sugawara loves spicy food and that Azumane is a gentle giant. Before they realise it, their break is over and as they walk back to the zoo, Kuroo feels as light as he did when he first made his way over to the dolphin exhibit.

 

"Kuroo! You should come join us tonight!"

 

Sugawara puts his hand on Kuroo's shoulder and beams at him like an excited puppy.

 

"Join you?"

 

"Yeah, we are meeting up with some friends tonight to welcome Daichi to Tokyo!"

 

"It's just a couple of us at a bar, nothing too wild," Sawamura says casually. "It's not really my thing but I can't stop this one when he gets an idea in his head." He playfully makes to elbow Sugawara, who dodges and elbows Azumane in his side.

 

"Why me!?"

 

"You're an easy target." Sawamura and Sugawara say at the same time.

 

"And you two are sadists," Kuroo says shaking his head. He smiles at the trio, a genuine smile, one that Sawamura's eyes hang on to just a bit longer than necessary.

 

"But sure, I'd love to grace your evening with my presence, mind if I bring a plus one?"

 

"That's fine, but let me guess, Bokuto?" Sawamura replies with a smile of his own.

 

"What can I say? We're practically attached at the hip."

 

Sugawara gives him the details for their get together as well as the dress code: smart casual, which Sawamura rolls his eyes at and tells him to ignore. They all part ways, returning to their own stations of work with waves and Sugawara promising a night to remember. As he walks back to the penguin exhibit and sees Bokuto and Inuoka playing with some of the chicks, Kuroo tries to shake the nagging in his chest; the thought that he should have rejected the offer to go out tonight. Because as much as he enjoyed lunch with them, he couldn't shake the feeling that got to him every time Sugawara had touched Sawamura, every time they exchanged fond looks, every time they shared a quiet laugh between them. They' re close, it's clear to see, closer than they seemed to be to Azumane at least.

 

It bothers Kuroo, eating away at him as his curiosity regarding their relationship grows. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruh, take a shot every time I use the word 'watch' ~~please don't actually do this because you will, without a fucking doubt, die~~ I really need to expand my vocabulary. I'm so mean to Kuroo, I love him I swear but life is one big whirlwind and he's getting swept up! I'm also a little worried about my pacing to be honest, these first couple of chapters all take place in the same week, so I think starting from the next chapter, I'll speed things up a bit. Oh and kenhina is canon, don't @ me ~~please don't I'm sensitive and will cry over it for days~~ , all my silliness aside please let me know what you thought about this chapter with a comment and I'll see you in the next one ♡


	5. undefeated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so so SO much fun to write, like you wouldn't believe. My only wish is that you enjoy this half as much as I did, and just thank you again for returning for another chapter! By the way, [this](https://www.google.com/search?q=kuroo+terushima+daichi&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi-n87Z7LTgAhUZSRUIHf_NAFgQ_AUIDigB&biw=1366&bih=626#imgrc=iZGtLtOsqLleqM:) is what Kuroo is wearing and [this](https://media.timeout.com/images/103485365/1024/576/image.jpg) is kinda what the bar looks like, anyway I really hope you enjoy this chapter ʕ ๑•ᴥ•๑ʔ ♡

The worst part about going out is, without a doubt, choosing something to wear. Kuroo stands in his bedroom with his closet door open, clothing sprawled out on every possible surface: his bed, his desk, his floor.

 

“What does smart casual even mean?”

 

“I thought you said Sawamura said to ignore that?”

 

Bokuto’s muffled voice comes from the bed, he’s somewhere under the pile of shirts, jackets, trousers and other articles of clothing. After some shuffling, his head pops out from beneath a pair of shorts.

 

“Just pick whatever, it’s just a bar right?”

 

“Yeah but, I should dress to impress right? We’re meeting a bunch of his friends and I want to leave a good impression.”

 

Bokuto sits up, making more clothes pool to the floor. He’s giving Kuroo a quizzical look, his eyes sharp and calculating like he’s trying to piece something together. His eyes suddenly widen comically, which makes Kuroo chuckle at how dumb he looks.

 

“ _Oh._ ”

 

“What?”

 

“Oh _wow.”_

 

“Bo, what is it?”

 

Bokuto starts laughing, throwing himself back in the bed making the poor thing shake, he cackles happily ignoring Kuroo’s confused and irritated stare.

 

“Dude, what the fuck?”

 

“I c-can’t believe it, y-you don’t even-”

 

He breaks off into more barking laughter, and Kuroo’s bed is creaking dangerously. No longer curious, just irritated Kuroo cuts across his room to reach his bed and cuff his friend on the head, it doesn’t do a thing though, Bokuto won’t stop wheezing.

 

“WHAT IS IT?”

 

“Nope!” Bokuto sighs coming down from his laughter high.

 

“I’m not saying a word," He says looking up at Kuroo with a mischievous grin “I'll let the great, almighty Kuroo figure it out.”

 

“Bokuto, if you don’t tell me what’s so funny, I swear I’ll tell Akaashi everything.”

 

Bokuto gasps, looking at him with shock in his eyes.

 

“You wouldn’t!”

 

“Everything. Like how you followed him to that coffee shop and bought lavender cologne because you heard him tell Kenma it was his favourite scent.”

 

“Kuroo, that’s low. Even for you, that’s low.”

 

“Tell me why you were just giggling like an idiot.”

 

“No.”

 

“I’ll call Akaashi right now.”

 

“You don’t have his number.”

 

“No, but Kenma does.”

 

Bokuto pouts at him, his eyes going doe-eyed and wide.

 

"Would you really do that to me, Kuroo?" He asks, his voice soft and quiet.

 

Kuroo's glare falters and then he scowls punching Bokuto in his shoulder lightly, he could never do that to Bokuto and they both know it.

 

"You're so annoying when you do that puppy dog thing."

 

Bokuto giggles, "Nah, it's more of an owl thing. I watched a documentary on them, it's like a safety precaution thing they do when approached by humans."

 

Kuroo scoffs, "A documentary? You?"

 

"Okay, it was a YouTube video but still."

 

Bokuto wiggles his way off the bed and stands up, ruffling his hair as he does. He claps his hands together and gives them a quick rub.

 

"Okay, let's get you something nice to wear!"

He hops over to Kuroo's closet and begins pulling out more clothes. Sighing, Kuroo sits on his bed and puts his head in his hands. He doesn't know why he cares so much, doesn't understand why he is so caught up in looking good for a small bar get together. But thinking back to Sugawara's exhilaration and Sawamura's own demure excitement, Kuroo can't help but anticipate what could happen that night. It feels like something big is coming, like a pothole in the road he can't drive around.

 

"Here try this!"

 

Bokuto throws him a checkered long sleeved t-shirt and black trousers. It's surprisingly well-coordinated and looks both smart and casual. Bokuto runs over to the bed and also pulls out a grey woolen trench coat from the pile and chucks it at him too.

 

"Go try it on."

 

Kuroo does as told and when he comes out of his bathroom to look in his full length mirror, he gives himself a once-over with a whistle.

 

"I look really good." He says surprised. Bokuto puffs out his chest with pride, nodding as he takes in Kuroo's appearance.

 

"Yup! I am the best after all!"

 

"If you could have done this all the while, why have we been at this for almost 2 hours?" Kuroo asks, looking away from his reflection and at his best friend.

 

"Being under all your clothes is really comfortable, perfect for napping." Bokuto replies with a shrug, "Also wear your black brogue shoes, the suede ones your dad bought you."

 

"Okay sure, what should I do with my hair?"

 

Bokuto pauses before letting out another round of howling laughter, bowling over on the bed and making it creak once again. Kuroo chucks a hat at him with another scowl.

 

"Shut up! I just thought I'd ask."

* * *

When they reach the bar, it's a more luxurious than Kuroo thought it'd be. It's located in a back alley in central Tokyo, and when they enter it's much bigger than it looks from the outside. The decor is western styled, with a large countertop bar near the back with rows of alcohol and fine glasses on display. At the edge of the countertop is a bonsai wisteria tree with white petals that gives a layer of innocence to the otherwise sensual atmosphere. The wood of the bar is mahogany and the walls are grey with portraits of abstract art spotted all over. The chairs are wine red, sleek and modern adding to the classy, upscale ambience of the rest of the decor. There are round booths in the same style around the bar which probably serve to give patrons a more intimate way of enjoying their drinks. The bar is lit by an overhead Victorian chandelier that enhances the sensuality just a bit more, with candles of the same style dotted around the room. When they walk a little further into the bar, Sugawara swings around in a barstool to greet them, he's wearing a flowy white dress shirt and skinny jeans as he skips to them with a smile.

 

"You made it! And wow, you both clean up good." He says giving them both a once-over, Bokuto is wearing dark blue jeans and a grey short sleeved t-shirt which both do nothing to hide his sculpted body, especially his biceps which almost look to be bursting at the seams.

 

"Why, thank you Suga-chan, you're not so bad yourself." Kuroo replies with a wink. "Yeah, you look great!" Bokuto says with an equally ecstatic grin.

 

"Oh, you flirts." Suga says, waving his hand in front of his face with faux modesty. He grabs their arms and pulls them further into the bar, where Sawamura and Azumane sit at a large booth with an assortment of people. A oranged haired young man who seems to be vibrating with energy, a shy looking brunette with freckles, a short man with spiky hair and a blonde highlight in his bangs who is having some sort of shouting match with another man with a shaved head, and a tall blonde with glasses who looks unimpressed who is sat next to-

 

"Akaashi." Bokuto says almost as a whisper, he blinks a few times before grabbing Kuroo by the arm."What is he doing here?"

 

"Huh? Oh, he's is a close friend of Tsukishima's," Sugawara says plainly, "One of his few if I'm being honest." He says with a giggle. Bokuto looks at Kuroo with wide, nervous eyes.

 

"Dude, I don't know if I can-"

 

"Yes, you can and you will. You said you'd speak to him before the end of the day right?"

 

"I meant at the zoo, not here right now, when he's over there looking like a fashion model."

 

Kuroo looks back to Akaashi and has to give a slight nod because Bokuto is right, he does look good. He's also wearing a dress shirt, navy blue but the top buttons of it are undone, showing off his milky collarbone. A detail that doesn't go unmissed by Bokuto whose eyes keep flashing back to it.

 

"Oh, what's this? I am sensing a little crush?" Suga says, his grin getting devious.

 

Bokuto stiffens and looks away from them both, his eye on the row of alcohol lining the shelves of the bar. Taking a breath, he turns back to Kuroo with fire in his eyes.

 

"If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna need some liquid courage." He says with determination, he marches over to the bar counter, hops on a stool and heralds the bartender with thick eyebrows and messy black hair.

 

Kuroo smiles shaking his head before he joins Suga at the large booth.

 

"Sawamura, I thought you said small get together." He calls as he approaches their party.

 

The man looks up and smiles, he's wearing a black polo shirt that hugs his body nicely.

 

"That's what I thought too but that demon beside you tricked me." He chuckles and it's deep and rich with mirth "I have to say I'm surprised, I didn't think you had it in you to look so good."

 

Electricity runs up Kuroo's spine at the compliment and he feels himself relax a little, letting go of the apprehension he felt as he got ready.

 

"Easy, Sawamura, you're making me blush."

 

Sawamura rolls his eyes and stands up to introduce him to his friends, Hinata, Yamaguchi, Nishinoya, Tanaka and Tsukishima. They all respond to varying degrees, Hinata excited and friendly, Yamaguchi unsurprisingly shy, Nishinoya and Tanaka with enough enthusiasm that Kuroo has to stand back a little bit and Tsukishima polite but entirely unbothered. He greets them all with a smile and even gets a couple of laughs out of a few of them as he explains how he and Sawamura met. Afterwards he takes a seat beside Akaashi who doesn't notice him immediately; his eyes on Bokuto at the bar counter talking animatedly with the bartender who is laughing at something he's said.

 

"See something you like, Akaashi?" He teases and Akaashi jolts at the sound of his voice. He snaps his head away from Bokuto and takes a short sip of the drink in his glass.

 

"Good evening, Kuroo-san. I didn't know you were coming to this gathering."

 

"You, as in plural? As in Bokuto and I? Or just Bokuto." He leans on the table, his chin on his palm.

 

"Kuroo-san." Akaashi's voice is warning but Kuroo can't help but still want to tease him.

 

"Oh? That's the Bokuto I've heard so much about?" Tsukishima says with a grin, after a sip of his own drink. His glasses catch the light of the chandelier and for a moment he almost looks malicious.

 

"Kei." Akaashi's voice is sharp with irritation, but he's trapped between two provocation devils with no escape.

 

Kuroo fakes a gasp and shuffles a little closer to Akaashi. " What? You talk about Bokuto outside of work? How scandalous."

 

"Hmm, what was it you said last, Keiji? Something about a body sculpted by the gods, I think it was." Tsukishima leers, Akaashi's face colouring a rosy pink and it's the most emotive Kuroo's ever seen him.

 

Kuroo cackles at Akaashi's sour expression before taking a breath and leveling with him. "Why don't you just go talk to him?"

 

Akaashi looks at him skeptical and unsure, "For what reason?" He replies petulantly, staring down into his glass. Kuroo rolls his eyes and sighs.

 

"Akaashi, the two of you have been dancing around each other ever since you started working at the zoo."

 

Before Akaashi can reply, Sugawara slides shot in front of him out of nowhere, with a giggle. "Drink up and go get 'em tiger!"

 

Looking up from his drink, Akaashi takes in the faces of the men surrounding him and sighs. He takes a deep breath and downs the shot in one go, Sugawara whooping as he stands. Kuroo moves out the way to let Akaashi make his to the bar counter, he stops after he gets out of the booth and stills but Sugawara gives him a push and he stumbles towards Bokuto, throwing a glare behind him before turning to face the silver haired penguin keeper.

 

Snickering, Kuroo turns his eyes away to give them some privacy and focuses instead on the bundle of energy that is Hinata. He looks nervous and keeps looking in the direction of the bar's entrance, like he's waiting for someone.

 

"You okay there?" He asks, as Azumane hands him a beer with a timid nod and smile. Hinata looks away from the door and up at Kuroo with a blush as if he's been caught in the act.

 

"Oh! I'm fine, I'm good. Just waiting for a friend." He replies, scratching the back of his head and nose at the same time. _A nervous tic?_ Kuroo grins, giving the energetic battery of a man his full attention.

 

"Really, you seem a little excited for just a _friend_."

 

Hinata's blush spreads a little further across his skin and he takes a hurried gulp of his cocktail.

 

"No, no, no! We're just friends, I mean he probably doesn't feel that way about me, not that I would mind if he did! I mean I would be happy if he did, BUT I'm not friends with him just because I like him- I mean, he's, I actual-"

 

"You're rambling." Tsukishima snickers and Hinata lets out an embarrassed huff and angrily berates him. They all look up however, as more people enter the bar with fanfare. A tall man with curly brown hair and a cheeky smile who is the loudest of them all, a shorter angry looking black haired man who seems irritated with the other's exuberance and another black haired man with blue eyes and a cold face. They are followed by a pair of woman, one with short blonde hair and a bubbly face and Shimizu from the aquarium. Hinata looks at the group expectedly but his eyes droop as the person he seems to be waiting for isn't among them.

 

"Welcome to Tokyo, Daichi!" The brunette man calls out loudly, "I hope my lovely bar is to your liking! As a special treat to our favourite captain, everything tonight is one the house!"

 

The proclamation stirs up a round of jubilant cheers as everyone stands to get more drinks; a second bartender with pink hair appears beside the other one and begins taking orders with bored dexterity and casual grace. Kuroo downs his beer in favour of getting something a little stronger and unwittingly sits down beside the lively Nishinoya who has mischief in his eyes.

 

"Kuroo, was it! Would you care for a game of beer pong?" He says with his face manic.

 

"Beer pong?" Sawamura says, materializing beside Kuroo. "College days are over, Noya."

 

"Come on, Daichi-san! It's the weekend, let's have some fun!"

 

"What's wrong, Sawamura? Scared you won't be able to keep up with the youngins?" Kuroo says, with a grin.

 

Sawamura fixes him a look of challenge, "Do you even know who you're talking to?" His eyes are fiery and his grin is borderline demented.

 

"Oh? Do enlighten me." Kuroo purrs, he feels his competitive nature firing up.

 

"Daichi's undefeated, Kuroo! I know I wouldn't." Sugawara calls from across the countertop, he's arm in arm with the brunette who owns the bar; a flowery cocktail in his unocuppied hand.

 

"Undefeated, huh? Well, there's a first time for everything."

 

"Ohohoho! I like him, Daichi-san!" The man with the shaved head and studded leather jacket yells, as he seemingly pulls red cups out of thin air.

 

"Are you sure you want to do this, Kuroo?" Sawamura says, leaning on the counter and patting him on the shoulder condescendingly. "I wouldn't want to be the reason you had to have your stomach pumped at Saiseikai Central Hospital."

 

"Sawamura, I told you about playing with fire." Kuroo replies, shrugging off his trench coat and rolling up his sleeves. "You're gonna get burnt."

 

Sawamura lets out a deep bellow of a laugh as one of the bartender's, Matsukawa hands him a pair of ping pong balls. "Time to put your money, where your mouth is."

 

Nishinoya whoops and cheers, " Gather round, gather round people! Everybody take your bets!"

 

People look up from their drinks and conversations as Tanaka begins lining up the red cups along side opposite ends of a booth's table. The volume of the bar raises to an uproar as bets are made and taunts are called from the already rowdy patrons.

 

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Kuro?" comes a voice from behind him, and Kuroo turns to see his blonde childhood friend dressed suprisingly well.

 

"Kenma!" He and Hinata exclaim at the same time; both then turn to look at the other in surprise.

 

"Hey, Shouyou." He says calmly, "You look good." Hinata beams, scratching his head and nose again at the same time. He looks at Kenma's attire: A red turtleneck, an oversized trench coat and beige slacks.

 

"You look really good too." He says with his blush from earlier coming back at full force.

 

"Wait, wait, wait. This is Shouyou? And this is who you've been waiting for?" Kuroo asks, eyes flickering between the two of them as they nervously give each other smiles.

 

They look up and at him, Hinata panicking as he remembers their conversation from earlier. He waves his hands in front of Kuroo before he has a chance to say anything and stutters overs his words.

 

"W-w-why don't we go get a drink, Kenma!" Hinata spurts out, trying in all earnest to ignore Kuroo's snickers.

 

"Yeah sure, lead the way Shouyou." Kenma says giving him a small smile, the man in question nods and makes his way towards the countertop. Just before he follows him, Kenma gives Kuroo a questioning glare.

 

"What did you do?" He asks suspiciously.

 

"Nothing. Just go for it Kenma, I'm pretty sure he's just as in to you."  Kuroo says giving his friend a cheeky grin and pat on his back, turning away from him and towards the beer pong table before he's able to see the irritated flush run up Kenma's cheeks.

 

Sauntering up to the table, Kuroo lets out exaggerated noises as he stretches and cricks his shoulders. Sawamura looks at him with a grin, arms crossed and body ready for a tussle. Other people stand around the table, the brunette and the angry man who seems more relaxed now, Shimizu with her arm around the short blonde woman's waist as well as Sugawara, Asahi, Tanaka, and Nishinoya.

 

"Last chance, Kuroo. You can walk away now while you're still able to." Sawamura says, uncrossing his arms.

 

"Oh, Sawamura, how considerate of you. I was going to say the same thing. No hard feelings if you wanna chicken out." Kuroo replies as he makes his way opposite his opponent. People move out his way, some cheering him on (namely Tanaka and Nishinoya who already seem hammered) and others grinning at him. One of the bartenders, Hanamaki stands vertical to the table to act as judge for their game. Sawamura lets out another laugh, as he steadies himself. Sugawara is behind him massaging his shoulders like he's a boxer about to enter the ring. The sight makes something ache in Kuroo but he ignores it to focus solely on Sawamura, his intense eyes that seem to be blazing and his sturdy jaw that is set and ready for action.

 

"Bo! I'm gonna need my own Doc Louis to win this!" He calls over his shoulder, ignoring Akaashi's sullen pout as Bokuto jumps up and runs over to him, eager to encourage his friend.

 

"I've got you, bro!" He yells, massaging Kuroo's back with chopping motions. He's even louder than usual which means he's drunk and full prepared for any and all stupid antics.

 

"You finally ready?" Sawamura says, feigning disinterest by picking a finger in his ear.

 

"Born ready, Sawamura." Kuroo replies with a lethal grin.

* * *

It was a long and arduous battle, both sides taking blows and slights that would have fallen weaker men. They fought valiantly, both giving their all, giving everything they possibly could to come out on top. Stories would be told about their clash, stories painting one of them as the underdog and the other as the prophetic champion. It was a close call and on another day, the results of their apocalyptic fight may have been different, but on this day the champion remained undefeated.

Roars of joy and frustration sound through the bar as Sawamura sinks his ping pong ball into Kuroo's last cup securing his win. Kuroo grasps his head astounded, he was so close if he hadn't missed his shot on the 6th turn he might have won it. But even then maybe not. Sawamura had missed only one shot, and only because Tanaka has jostled the table in excitement. The cheers quieten down as he raises the red cup to down it for the last time, and he hold it up in the air dramatically to regard the spectators.

 

"I concede defeat, you truly are an undefeated champion." He says, looking directly at his victor with a warm, happy smile. "To Sawamura!" He yells, as he downs the cup in one go, another chorus of yells and applause filling the air as he does so. Sugawara, Tanaka, Nishinoya and the not so angry man known as Iwaizumi heave Sawamura into the air to begin parading him around the bar, much to his discontent. His angry words of displeasure fall on deaf ears and he shakes his head; letting himself fall in tune with the madness of his friends.

 

"I'm really impressed, Kuro-chan." The bar owner, Oikawa says handing him a bottle of water as he sits down on a bar stool. He smiles at the man, taking the bottle shakingly. Man, he was drunk. Drinking the water slowly, he sloshes it around in his mouth for a little bit before swallowing.

 

"Thanks, I'm more impressed with this bar, though. You seem too young to own a place like this."

 

Oikawa gives him a smug smile, flicking some of his hair with an air of frivolous superiority. "Why, thank you. It took a lot but it's finally mine, I had my eye on this place since I was 17 and saved up a bunch for it. It didn't cost that much but this decor? An arm and a leg."

 

Kuroo laughs looking around the bar and taking it all in once more, "Yeah, I can tell."

 

"So," Oikawa says, his voice dropping a couple of octaves looking at Kuroo with something dancing in his eyes. "How long have you known Daichi?"

 

"Not even up to a week," He replies with a laugh. "We met on Monday at work, and it's been happily ever after since."

 

"Interesting," Oikawa says, "And after only that he invites you to this get together?"

 

Kuroo shrugs, "I guess, he's just a friendly guy." Oikawa chuckles and give him a knowing smile.

 

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not it."

 

"What do you mean?" Kuroo asks, Oikawa's look say he's not telling him something and in his drunken state that irks him a bit.

 

"Never mind, I'm sure you'll find out eventually." He says with a flourish, as he skips away to latch on to Iwaizumi who groans but doesn't push him away. Shrugging, Kuroo downs the rest of his water.

A little while later, nature calls and Kuroo finds himself stumbling towards the toilets to empty his tank, he washes his hands and splashes his face with water when he's done to sober himself up. As he stares into the bathroom mirror, he can't help but smile. Tonight's been the most fun he's had out in a long time, with a group of strangers that feel so familiar after only a couple of hours. He shakes his head thinking back to his anxieties and the thoughts that told him something terrible would happen tonight. Wiping his face with some fancy tissues, he slaps his cheeks before exiting the toilets and comes across a sight that makes his heart sink.

 

"Daichi, put me down!"

 

Sugawara squeals, as Sawamura lifts him in the air, his arms wrapped around his waist. Sugawara is giggling like a child, his fists playfully hitting Sawamura's shoulders as he kicks his legs, struggling to get out of his arms. They are laughing together like a duet, seemingly in a world of their own. A couple of wolf whistles ring through the room as well as calls for them to get a room. The chill that runs through Kuroo's veins is enough to make him stand still as he watches them, the feelings he had tried to bottle down, rushing out of him unrestrained. His legs take on a mind of their own as he finds his way to a barstool, he sits on it heavily and takes a deep shaky breath. He orders something, honestly he doesn't know what and downs it in one go.

 

"Are you alright?" A soft voice comes from besides him and Kuroo turns to see Azumane giving him a small, tired smile.

 

"Yeah, I'm good. You?" Kuroo tries to say with ease, but it comes out falser than he had hoped. Azumane doesn't seem to notice as he looks across the bar at Sawamura and Sugawara who have let go of each other but are sat down close together, alone at a booth.

 

"Me?" Azumane asks, looking down and swirling the ice around in his glass. "I'm fine."

 

"Why does that sound like a lie?" Kuroo asks and it comes out a lot more serious than he meant it to.

 

"Because it is." Azumane says looking up at him, his eyes glum; his smile blue. "I'm just pathetic, I guess."

 

"No, you aren't." He doesn't know Azumane that well but the man is a gentle giant and seeing him so down on himself is kinda heartbreaking. "Hey, what's wrong?" Kuroo asks, placing a tender hand on his shoulder.

 

"It's nothing, just ignore me." Azumane mutters, "Just like _he_ does."

 

"Sugawara?"

 

Azumane startles before letting out a rueful laugh, "I'm that obvious, huh?"

 

"Nah, it was just a stab in the dark." Kuroo says with poorly faked nonchalance, taking his hand back.

 

"It's okay, he's probably the only one who hasn't noticed."

 

They sit in silence for a while both staring into the empty glasses, Kuroo watching a drop of condensation run down the glass's side; Azumane watching the ice in the glass melt.

 

"How long?" Kuroo asks quietly.

 

"Since high school, so about 9 years now."

 

"Fuck."

 

"I know." Azumane says in frustration. He sighs, letting the emotion wash away with his exhale. "I should be over him by now."

 

"Have you said anything to him?"

 

"No, but can you blame me?" He looks up from his glass back at Sugawara and Sawamura, the former has his head thrown back in laughter at something Sawamura said and when he comes back he rests his hand on Sawamura's chest, an action he seems unfazed by.

 

"They seem perfect together." Azumane says with another sigh, his eyes filling with stubborn tears that refuse to go away no matter how hard he tries to shake them.

 

"Are they a thing?" Kuroo asks, his throat uncomfortably dry as he too takes in their closeness

 

"I don't even know anymore, everybody thinks they hooked up in college but they both deny it. Ever since high school people thought they were an item." Azumane replies, his eyes back on his glass; his ice completely melted.

 

Kuroo rips his eyes away from them to look at Azumane, tears are running down his cheeks as he stares into his glass. He looks heartbroken, like his every little desire has been denied to him; the love of his life with another man.

 

"Go home," Kuroo says sounding surprisingly sober, "Being here, seeing this, it can't be good for you. Stop, stop doing this to yourself." He sounds desperate and he realises under the hazy chandelier light that he's talking to himself just as much as he is Azumane.

 

"Yeah, yeah you're right." Azumane says standing, rubbing away his tears. "I just need to sober myself up. Thanks Kuroo."

 

He smiles down at him as he makes his way to the toilets, his head down, his shoulders shaky. Kuroo rubs his face with his hands, the night's sudden 180 feels too much and he needs to leave and have a shower just as badly as Azumane does. He stands trying to find Bokuto, walking around Nishinoya and Tanaka who are still rowdy despite the current lull of the bar and Tsukishima who is arguing with the blued eyed man with a cold face whose name escapes Kuroo at that moment. He spots Bokuto and is about to call over to him before he takes a proper look and sees who he's with. He and Akaashi are sitting in a booth chatting quietly, looking content: Akaashi has one hand holding the side of his face while the other plays with Bokuto's hair, listening as Bokuto tells him some story. Bokuto has a hand on Akaashi's thigh, his thumb rubbing him tenderly. They look like a completed jigsaw puzzle, the kind an old couple would fill out together over morning tea on a cold winter's day. They fit so irrevocably well together that Kuroo can't bring himself to intrude.

 

He turns away and bumps directly into Sawamura, catching him by the waist to steady him.

 

"Shit, sorry about that Sawamura." He says, a little bit of playfulness bubbling up within him. "I didn't see you down there."

 

"Very funny, Kuroo." Sawamura sighs up at him with a scowl, but there's no true anger in his features. "Where are you in a hurry too anyway?"

 

"I'm looking for Kenma. He probably needs my help by now with that orange energy ball."

 

"I wouldn't be so sure." Sawamura chuckles as he points to a booth not too far from them. Kuroo follows his fingers and his eyes widen as he sees Kenma locked in a rather amorous embrace with Hinata. The slightly shorter man is sat in Kenma's lap with his hands in his hair. Kenma has his own arms snugly wrapped around his waist, one hand naughtily resting on the man's butt. They seem fully engrossed in each other and though they are some ways away Kuroo can hear the slight hum of their moans.

 

Sawamura lets out a loud snort that has Kuroo snap his eyes back to him.

 

"I'm sorry but oh my god, your face!" He cackles again, his whole face lifting as he smiles. The sight taking away some of Kuroo's blues. "You look like a deer caught in headlights."

 

"Kenma..he..wow." Kuroo says dumbly, giving his friend one last glance over before turning his attention back to Sawamura.

 

"Anyway," He says with a slight shake of his head, "I think I'm gonna head home."

 

Sawamura looks dejected at his words, looking up at him with confused eyes (and if he's being honest it makes Kuroo a little happy.)

 

"Are you not enjoying yourself?" He asks worriedly.

 

"Nah, I'm just getting old I guess, that game of beer pong took a lot out of me."

 

Sawamura smiles at again, a little bit of cockiness slipping in. "I told you, undefeated."

 

"Yeah, yeah, I've learnt my lesson. I've had a great night, Sawamura. Honestly, it was really special."

 

Sawamura's smile widens to a brilliant display of his teeth, his dimple and his eyes scrunched up in joy. "I'm really glad, we should do it again sometime."

 

"Definitely." Kuroo says, returning his smile with just as much joy.

 

He waves off Sawamura's suggestion of him saying bye to everyone saying he doesn't want to cause a big scene, especially when everyone was doing their own thing. He gives small waves to Bokuto and Akaashi, and Sugawara and Oikawa. Kenma and Hinata are still preoccupied so he slips away from the bar without saying goodbye to them. He smiles as he looks over the other party goers in groups of twos or more; all bonding together over alcohol and laughter.

 

As he's about to exit through the door, Kuroo looks back one last time to see Azumane's sad eyes on Sugawara and then turns to leave with the same coldness he felt before etching itself a little deeper into his heart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know another chapter where Kuroo ends up dejected and sad I'm sorry ʕ ﹷ ᴥ ﹷʔ , I love him I swear too you but life just piles on the crap sometimes (trust me, I know) and life seems to have it out for my wonderful cat boy. And poor Asahi huh? He's also a cinnamon roll who deserves the best, it was really hard to write his part because I felt really bad for him and mad at myself for the storyline but the show must go on! As always please, let me know what you think, what you liked or disliked and thank you so so much for reading and much love to all you lovely people ʕ ๑•ᴥ•๑ʔ ♡♡♡
> 
> p.s Do you think I should change the rating of this work? There are mentions of alcohol and child abuse but nothing to explicit and I don't really want to change the rating as it overall is just a soft story about falling in love and penguins but still idk? Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated ♡


	6. a change of pace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for coming back for the next chapter ♡♡ I've made you wait long enough, so no preamble: go go go!!! ･:*:･ﾟ’☆ʕ๑ᵔᴥᵔ๑ʔ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

"How was Hana over the weekend?"

 

Kuroo asks, looking up at Suzumeda Kaori, one of the part-timers who looks after the penguins during the weekends. She gives him a bright smile as she takes her eyes off one of the other chicks in her arms.

 

"She was good! She ate all of her food though she wasn't too fond of the new milkshake she's got. It took a bit before she warmed to it."

 

"Yeah, I suspected as much. But she needs it, so it can't be helped." Kuroo says as he stands, still giving Hana a stroke on the head. "You did well, Kaori. Go get some rest and I'll see you next week." She nods happily as she places her chick back down on the ground.

 

"Thank you, Kuroo-san! Bye-bye little ones!" She says before heading towards the employee communal area.

 

Kuroo watches her go and looks back over the rest of the penguins. He sees Fukunaga and Inuoka with the Adélies, Emperors and the old King and notices that Bokuto isn't at the exhibit. With a sigh, he motions to Fukunaga, letting him know he'll be back in a minute.

 

Entering the food centre, he doesn't even need to think as he walks towards Akaashi's station to find him with Bokuto. The two of them are talking, their fingers intertwined. It would be endearing if not for the fact that they were on shift. With an exaggerated cough from Kuroo, they break apart abruptly.

 

"As happy as I am for the two of you and trust me I truly am, I kinda need Bokuto to, ya know, work."

 

"Of course, Kuroo-san." Akaashi says, letting go of Bokuto's hand. The other man pouts at this which makes him let out a rare chuckle as he reaches to brush a hand against Bokuto's cheek. "I'll see you later, Bokuto-san."

 

"See you later, Akaashi." He says with a grin, it's light and affectionate. He hops over to Kuroo with a bashful look on his face, who in return rolls his eyes and lets out a soft retching noise. Akaashi chuckles again as he turns from them to arrange something on his shelving unit.

 

"Let's get a move on, loverboy." Kuroo says pushing him through the food centre.

 

As they walk towards the exit, Kuroo calls out to Kenma without even looking at him.

 

"You too, Casanova. Get back to work!" The sound of the something hitting one of  kitchen stations sounds as does an irritated hiss from Kenma. With a laugh, Kuroo leaves the food centre with a smitten Bokuto in tow.

 

They walk back towards the penguin exhibit with Bokuto chatting his ear off about Akaashi. It's barely been a weekend since they got together yet Bokuto already has anecdotes to tell: how they connected at the bar, how they went on a date the very next day, the fairytale romance of it all. Kuroo is happy for him, but a tiny part of him is already getting tired of it all. If lovesick Bokuto was bad, lovestruck Bokuto is a whole different kettle of fish, and these are only their starting days. Rounding a corner, Kuroo hears laughter and is instantly transported back to Friday night.

 

Back to sad eyes and close touches that left his chest tight.

 

Sawamura is standing waist deep in the water, playing with his dolphins. His eyes are crinkled as he looks at them, just like the first time Kuroo saw him. It makes his chest ache and he thinks of Azumane, thinks about how broken the man looked. Before he can think too much on it, Sawamura calls out to him.

 

"You alright, old man? How's your head after Friday?"

 

Kuroo snickers as he replies, "I've been out of the game for too long, Sawamura. That's the only reason I lost to you."

 

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Kuroo." He calls back with a grin. He waddles through the water till he gets as close to them as possible, his elbows resting on the pools edge.

 

"But seriously, you okay?"

 

"Aww Sawamura, I'm touched. But really, I'm good."

 

"You sure? You left pretty early, you and Asahi both."

 

"Yeah, it's uncanny." Kuroo replies with a fake laugh.

 

"It was a great night, Sawamura!" Bokuto pipes up, "I owe you one." He adds with a dreamy sigh. Sawamura laughs as he looks up at Bokuto's glowing face.

 

"I didn't do anything, it's Suga you should be thanking. He made the whole thing possible." He sighs to himself, resting his chin in his palm. "I don't know what I'd do without him."

 

His words makes Kuroo feel hollow and suddenly he can't be around him for much longer.

 

"Yeah, well, we gotta go. Have a good shift, Sawamura."

 

He gives the man a quick wave before walking off, not even bothering to hear his reply. It's not right and he knows it, he doesn't even know why he's treating Sawamura this way but he can't help it right now. He's been like this since Friday, he just feels off. When he got home that night, he just went to bed. Didn't even take off his clothes, just went straight to bed and slept till morning. Waking up with a hangover put him in a bad mood that he carried with him through the rest of the weekend. Only seeing Hana when he first got in this morning had soothed him slightly.

 

"Kuroo! What's wrong?" Bokuto says, placing a hand on his shoulder.  

 

"Nothing, Bo, I just want to get back to the chicks. I'm still worried about Hana." He says giving his friend a quick grin as he quickens his pace towards the penguin exhibit. But when Bokuto doesn't follow, he turns his head to see the man running back to Sawamura and bending down to say something to him.  Kuroo turns back and continues on to the exhibit, right now all he wants to do is throw himself into his work just to forget everything.

 

It's crazy how things change so suddenly.

 

Friday had been one of the best nights of his life up until it all came crashing down like a tidal wave. All he can think of when he thinks back to that night is Azumane's tears, Sawamura's laughter and Sugawara's touches. He thinks back to walking home that night feeling like a loser as he left a hub of merriment and joy to return to his cold and empty apartment. When he reaches the penguin exhibit, Kuroo focuses on his tasks:on cleaning and sanitation, feeding the penguins, inventory checks, helping visitors, the little show he and the penguins put on daily at 12pm etc. Before he can reach down to start feeding the chicks again, Fukunaga pats him on the shoulder to alert him of his lunch break. With a smile, he goes off quickly, not sparing a glance back to his colleagues, missing the worries looks that pass between them.

* * *

When he enters the employee lounge Kuroo sees Sawamura, Sugawara, Bokuto and Akaashi chatting animatedly and his stomach drops. The group look like they are some kind of double date, Bokuto and Akaashi have their fingers intertwined again, while Sugawara is pulling on Sawamura's arm like a bratty child. He says something with a pout that makes Sawamura laugh and Kuroo has seen enough. Without a second thought, he retracts his steps and finds his feet pulling him towards the zoo's main reception. Upon entering, he sees Azumane immediately and walks up to him.

 

"Hey." He says with an awkward wave as he reaches the tall man.

 

"Oh, hi Kuroo." The man replies with a timid smile. "How are you feeling after Friday?'

 

Kuroo chuckles with genuine mirth for the first time that day as he responds.

 

"I actually came here to ask you the same question." Kuroo says leaning on the counter, relaxing after his almost run to the reception.

 

"Oh! Well, I'm okay." Azumane says with a shrug. Kuroo raises an unconvinced brow.

 

"Yeah? Well, I feel like shit. Have so since I woke up on Saturday." He says drily, resting his chin in his palm.

 

Azumane lets out a deep sigh and an agreeing nod.

 

"God, me too. I'm sorry I lied, it's just that Suga tells me I'm too negative so I—" At the mention of Sugawara's name,  he sighs again and gives Kuroo another sad smile. "I'm pretty hopeless, huh?"

 

"Nah," Kuroo says softly, "You're not hopeless, you're just hurting." The smile Azumane gives him is a little stronger this time and Kuroo returns it as best he can.

 

"Hey, why don't we get lunch today, just the two of us?" He says hesitantly with a casual shrug. The idea pops out of his mouth before his brain has the chance to process it.

 

Azumane blinks and looks at Kuroo for a little bit before breaking out a warm smile and nodding enthusiastically.

 

"Yeah sure, let's do it! A change of pace can be good, right?" He says as his smile widens just a bit. "I get off on my break in an hour though, is that alright?"

 

"Yeah, of course. I'll just take my break an hour later."

 

"No, no I can't let you do that!" Azumane says with a worried shake of his head. "You need to eat on time!"

 

"Azumane, chill. I want to." Kuroo says with a grin. He pats the tall man on the shoulder as he stands up straight.

 

"I asked you, remember? A change of pace can be good right?" He smirks as he throws Azumane's words right back at him.

 

"I guess I fell into that one." Azumane says with a resigned sigh. He smiles though and gives Kuroo another nod.

 

"I'll see you in an hour, then."

 

Kuroo waves over his shoulder at Azumane as he makes his way out of the main reception. Walking back to the penguin exhibit, Kuroo whistles a tune, feeling the best he has the whole day. Azumane is enjoyable to be around, he's fun to tease but is also reliable and kind. He's a sensitive soul and that puts Kuroo at ease; quick to apologise and slow to anger. It's no wonder Sugawara gets away with hitting him all the time.

 

Speaking of the devil.

 

"Kuroo!" Sugawara calls out to him from across the zoo, running up to him with his bright smile and every moving head of grey hair. "There you are! We've been looking everywhere for you!"

 

"We?"

 

Sugawara points back to Sawamura, Bokuto and Akaashi who approach them with varying degrees of exhaustion. Bokuto looks fine, Sawamura a little less than fine while Akaashi looks put out.

 

"Suga, next time just tell us you see him, instead of making us all run.” Sawamura says with mild irritation.

 

“Gotta keep you fit, Daichi.”

 

“I’m perfectly fit.” Sawamura replies with a little more irritation.

 

“Aaaanyway,” Suga says, turning back to Kuroo. “Come on, let's get lunch!”

 

Kuroo looks at them before shaking his head softly, seeing them all together brings on a mixture of anguish, irritation and guilt.

 

“I’m gonna take my break a little later.” He says casually.

 

“Why?” They all ask at the same time, even Bokuto who had been fawning over Akaashi as he regained his breath.

 

“I just feel like taking it a little later, that’s all. And plus Azumane has his break around that time, right? I’ll get lunch with him.” Kuroo says with a shrug.

 

Bokuto scrunches his brows together, no doubt about to prod him for more information but Sugawara nods and claps him on the shoulder.

 

“Well, if you’re sure!” He says with a smile, before turning to pull on Sawamura’s arm. The action makes Kuroo’s jaw tighten but he doesn’t say anything, instead giving them a small wave as he walks off quickly. So fast that he misses Sawamura’s attempt to reach out to him.

* * *

 

When Kuroo and Azumane get off for their lunch break, they decide to walk a bit further than usual when exiting the zoo. They come across a ramen shop, tucked neatly away in one of Tokyo’s many alleyways.

 

It looks standard at first glance but after passing through the noren, it’s clear that it’s got a modern twist. It’s hard to describe the decor as anything other than playful. Splashes of colour and weird, exuberant paintings. There’s a multicoloured tuna head mounted on the wall behind the counter. The ramen stools are more like those of an American diner, it’s classy but still a stark contrast from your average ramen shop.

 

“Uh..maybe we should find somewhere else.” Azumane says, pulling on Kuroo’s sleeve weakly. He looks overwhelmed at the bizarre decor, especially the tuna head that his eyes keep flashing nervously back to. But before Kuroo can respond, they are greeted by a loud wolf whistle.

 

“Well, aren’t you a tall glass of water?” Says a young man with spiky blonde hair and a undercut. He’s got several piercings in his ears, and as he licks his bottom lip, another one is sat nicely on his tongue. His eyes are on Azumane who is still eyeing the fish head, completely unaware of his admirer. Kuroo raises a brow and smirks as he hangs an arm around Azumane’s shoulders.

 

“Now, now, this is a change of pace, right?” He says as he pulls them onto the diner stools. When they sit down, Azumane finally acknowledges the employee that has been eating him up since they entered; he gives him a warm albeit confused smile and bow of his head.

 

Before the blonde can open his mouth to let out what Kuroo has no doubt is a pick up line, he’s hit with a paper fan by a woman with brown hair and similar eyes. She gives the blonde the quick shove before she turns to them with a welcoming smile.

 

“Welcome to Jōzenji! Our ramen is guaranteed to put a smile on your face! Can I get your order?” She says with a practised customer smile.

 

“I’ll get a miso ramen.” Kuroo says cheerfully, enjoying the way the blonde pouts, rubbing his arm grumpily.

 

“I’ll have tonkatsu ramen, please.” Azumane says, returning her smile.

 

“ _Excellent_ choice!” The blonde says giving him a wink, Azumane blinks and nods at the man awkwardly. Kuroo coughs into his hand to try and mask his laughter. It’s surprisingly cute watching Azumane completely oblivious the attention he's receiving. The man and woman begin to make their orders while Kuroo sips on water that she placed before them. Azumane's eyes are back to the fish head; he's watching it cautiously like he's trying to make sure it doesn't go anywhere.

 

"I take it you don't like fish." Kuroo says amused at the man's uneasiness towards the eccentric ornament.

 

Azumane whips his head to his companion before throwing him a sheepish shrug.

 

"When I was 7, I went fishing with my grandfather on his boat and fell into the in-deck fish box." Azumane replies, his face going dark as he recalls the memories. "It was really big and I was trapped in there for awhile before anyone noticed."

 

"You didn't scream for help?" Kuroo asks bewildered.

 

"I didn't want to cause a scene." He replies with another shrug. Kuroo can't help but laugh, Azumane might really be too good for this earth.

 

"You're something else." Kuroo says with a wide grin.

 

"Yeah..hopeless." Azumane replies, with his own smile.

 

They both laugh and fall into conversation over their childhood and teenager years. Azumane tells Kuroo about how he almost got arrested in his first year at high school because a woman who had dropped her purse at the station thought that he was stalking her and how in the same year he was thought to be a local gang leader when he tried to stop a fight between two boys from another school. Kuroo laughs like a hyena throughout his stories, and even when their food is served they still keep going. Even the blonde employee rests his head in his hands to listen; until of course, his fellow employee scolds him and apologises to them. Kuroo isn't without his own tales, mostly involving Kenma, like how they met: Kenma being stuck in a tree after he rescued a cat and couldn't get down because he was scared and how Kuroo had to run to find his dad. Or the time he and Bokuto had tried to learn rollerblading for some competition which resulted in three trips to the A&E.

 

Before they know it their bowls are empty and their lunch hour is almost over.

 

"Okay, we are really cutting it close." Kuroo says after checking the time on his phone.

 

Azumane nods and gets up to leave, he gives a quick bow and thanks to the workers, as does Kuroo. The blonde pipes up before the woman can stop him.

 

"You'll come back right?" He says to both of them, though he's looking at Azumane. "Tomorrow?"

 

"Yuuji!" The woman says jabbing him in the side while she trying her best to maintain her customer service smile.

 

"Well, Azumane? Shall we come back tomorrow?" Kuroo asks with a smirk and a casual questioning shrug.

 

"Uhh..sure, we'll come back tomorrow." Azumane replies giving the blonde a small smile.

 

"Promise?" The blonde asks doe-eyed.

 

"I-I promise." Azumane replies, a little put out by his intensity.

 

"Great! I'll be waiting for you Azumane-san~." He replies with a wink, this time dodging the woman's jab. Kuroo chuckles while Azumane looks on confused. Kuroo gives him a light nudge and nods to the door, they _really_ need to get a move on.

 

They wave goodbye to the staff as they exit, falling into a brisk walk to get back to the zoo. Just before they part at the main reception, Azumane gives Kuroo a light squeeze on his shoulder and a smile.

 

"Thank you, Kuroo. I really enjoyed today. We should do this more often."

 

Kuroo waves him off with a smile of his own.

 

"I didn't do much but you're right, we should do this more often. A change of pace can be good."

 

They begin to go their separate ways before Kuroo remembers and spins on his heels.

 

"Hey, we still have tomorrow right?" He calls out with mirth in his voice. Azumane blinks and then sighs as he remembers his promise. He gives Kuroo a weak thumbs up as he goes back to his post, a thumbs up that makes Kuroo cackle like a hyena once more.

* * *

Tomorrow turns into the day after that, the week after than and even enters the month after that. Kuroo and Azumane form an unlikely friendship, one that consists of laughter, childhood stories and a funky ramen shop with excitable staff. After the somber talk at the bar that initially brought they together, they come to form a sort of kinship within each other. Kuroo is daring, mischievous but good natured. Azumane is patient and surprisingly hilarious, kind to an fault and wears his heart on his sleeve. The pair go to the ramen shop almost every day, either talking amongst themselves or with Terashima, Azumane's not-so-secret admirer and Misaki, the quick-handed woman who greets all the customers of Jōzenji. Even when the restaurant gets busy, Terashima finds his way to them for a quick chat and not-so-subtle compliment for Azumane, one he responds to highly embarrassed but thankful.

 

The routine becomes to natural, becomes such a needed breath of fresh air for Kuroo that he ignores the small voice in his head that nags at him. The voice that tells him he's neglecting other aspects of his life i.e Bokuto and by extension Akaashi, Sugawara and Sawamura who have by now formed a closed unit. It's isn't his intention to distance himself from them, at least it wasn't at first. Bokuto and Akaashi are a new couple that need space; need time to get to know each other better, so Kuroo tells himself his actions are for the best. _He_ needs a little space to sort out the irrational things he's feeling, so he throws himself deeper into his work, focusing more on the chicks especially Hana, avoiding the _lovebird_ group to the point where even though he works with Bokuto everyday it feels like he hasn't seen him in weeks. He picks up longer shifts, hangs on to Kenma like a cold; pestering him over his new boyfriend or onto Azumane like a conjoined twin whenever he gets the chance. He spends more time with the other members of his unit like Inuoka and Fukunaga, works more with the Adélies and the Rockhoppers, inching further and further away from his best friend. It's a dick move and he knows it, knows that it's probably affecting Bokuto a lot, but as the weeks go by his guilt builds up to the point that he's too ashamed to stop. It isn't until Bokuto corners him one day as their shift ends that he realises he can't run anymore.

 

"Kuroo! You wanna hang out tonight!" Bokuto asks cheerily, "Unless, you're busy."

 

Guilt makes it hard for Kuroo to speak, but he preserves.

 

"No, I'm free. Let's do it."

 

"Really!?" Bokuto says with wide surprised owl eyes, making the guilt set heavier in Kuroo's chest. He feels like shit, like he should. He closes his work locker and faces Bokuto properly, though he still feels too much shame to look him in the eye.

 

"Look, Bo—"

 

"We'll order pizza! And watch a movie! At your place!" Bokuto says, cutting him off with his usual joy. His wide smile is spreading even more so across his face.

 

_I really don't deserve this goofball, huh?_

 

Kuroo smiles back as they make to leave the zoo, Bokuto regaling him about the latest cute thing Akaashi has done, about their latest date and how they spent lunch today together. Bokuto breaks off as he spots his boyfriend and runs over to say goodbye. Their interactions are awfully sweet, Bokuto is touchy and bouncy while Akaashi is more reserved but just as affectionate. They seem to be even closer than they were a couple of weeks ago and guilt eats Kuroo once again at how much he's missed. As he waits for them to finish their goodbyes, he sees Sawamura exit the employee area with Azumane in tow, as they walk by Kuroo gives them a small wave, one that Azumane responds to jovially. But Sawamura? He sees the wave; sees Kuroo but cuts his eyes away without a care in the world, like Kuroo is made of cellophane. He walks past swiftly, so much so that Azumane, just as surprised Kuroo, has to quicken his pace to keep up. He gives Kuroo a quick parting glance as he catches up to Sawamura, on their way to the safari section no doubt to get Sugawara.

 

It _hurts_.

 

It hurts so much more than it should. Kuroo feels his chest tighten, feels his jaw tighten and he swallows hard. Sawamura's cold eyes take him back in time. Back to a childhood he tries to forget, back to cold eyes much like his own that stare back at him with quiet malice. He takes deep breaths to calm himself down, clenches and unclenches his fist, closes his eyes and shakes his head in an effort to remain calm. He doesn't need this, not right now, not ever.

 

"Kuroo?"

 

Bokuto's soft voice and hand on his shoulder brings him back and he opens his eyes to see his best friend by his side, like he always is.

 

"You ready to go?" He asks softly.

 

"Yeah." His voice is coarse with emotion, so he clears his throat before he starts walking again. Begging himself not to look back and try to seek out Sawamura.

 

Their train ride to Kuroo's apartment is relatively quick, Bokuto telling him about something cute one of the chicks did. Kuroo nods in response and gives the occasional one liner but they both know he's not as invested as he should be. When they reach his apartment, Bokuto chucks off his shoes quickly to run to the kitchen and pulls out the menu for a local pizzeria. He wastes no time in ordering a large pepperoni pizza with chicken wings and a large bottle of cola. Kuroo takes off his shoes slowly and arranges them and Bokuto's neatly by the genkan. He chuckles softly at how familiar Bokuto is in his home.

 

"Kuroo! Go shower while I choose the movie." Bokuto calls as he counts the notes and coins that Kuroo leaves in his fruit bowl.

 

"Shower?" Kuroo says as he steps away from the genkan and into his apartment.

 

"Yep, go shower!" Bokuto replies as he turns up the heating. "It will make you feel better!"

 

Kuroo wants to argue but thinks against it, instead heading for his bathroom without another word.When the hot water hits his skin, he sighs; letting the water run over him like he's standing in still in heavy rain. It's a solemn feeling, even though the water is hot; his chest is cold.

 

As cold as Sawamura's eyes were when he walked past him.

* * *

By the time he's done with his dreary shower, the pizza has arrived and Bokuto is sat on his couch flicking through Netflix for a movie. He beams at Kuroo when he sits on the couch next to him and gets him a plateful of pizza and chicken wings. Bokuto flicks throw the catalogue a little more before settling on a sports anime movie they've loved since high school.  It's a special movie, one that makes them both laugh and cheer as much as they did the very first time they watched it. They finish the pizza and the wings as they do the movie and then decide on an drama that was popular a couple of years back. It's interesting but after awhile it becomes background noise as Bokuto speaks up.

 

"So, what's going on, Kuroo?" He asks casually, sedated by all the food they've eaten.

 

He gives Kuroo a warm smile as he turns to him, sitting cross legged on the couch. It makes Kuroo think back to their high school days, to the nights he slept over at Bokuto's house, where his mother made sure Kuroo ate till he was stuffed like a turkey.

 

"I'm sorry, Bo." Kuroo says, feeling pathetic as he does so, like a child being reprimanded by a parent. "I don't—I can't— Fuck.."

 

Bokuto is patient as he runs a hand through his hair and takes a breath.

 

"I'm sorry that I've been avoiding you lately.  I've acted like an asshole and I'm sorry, Bo. I truly am sorry."

 

"Why though?" Bokuto asks, he doesn't sound mad just as though he wants to understand.

 

"At first, I told myself I was doing it for you. I wanted to give you and Akaashi some space, didn't want to be the clingy best friend, ya know? But then, I guess I just started avoiding you because it made things easier. I didn't have to deal with all these stupid feelings."

 

"You, as in plural?" Bokuto says and Kuroo looks up at him confused for a moment, but then he sighs and nods.

 

"Yeah, as in you, Akaashi, Sugawara and…"

 

"Sawamura."

 

"Yeah." Kuroo replies, his head dropping once again.

 

They sit in silence for a little while before Bokuto breaks it by punching Kuroo's shoulder gently.

 

"I was never mad at you, Kuroo. I was just hurt because we tell each other everything. So, seeing you distance yourself and get trapped in your head just made me feel blergh."

 

"I am so sorry." Kuroo says lifting his head to look at him directly, it's hard though, his vision is getting blurry.

 

"Hey, hey, hey! Don't you cry on me Kuroo! I'm not upset I swear. Plus ya know, there's nothing in the world you could do to make me not be your best friend!"

 

He chops Kuroo's sides playfully, his smile exuberant. Kuroo sighs, the weight on his chest eased.

 

"I don't deserve you, Bo."

 

"Hey! You deserve everything!" Bokuto says giving him a stronger chop. "You don't have to explain what's going on, not right away at least, but just don't keep me in the dark, okay?" He says, his tone soft and understanding.

 

"I really am sorry, Bo. I never should have treated you like this, not any of you but especially not _you_. Not my sowlmate."

 

Bokuto breaks out a happy guffaw as he pulls Kuroo into a playful headlock.

 

"Yep, that's me!" He says with glee, "Just don't you ever do it again, ya hear me!"  

 

"I won't, I promise Bo." Kuroo says once he's finally released from the headlock turned bone-crushing hug.

 

"Though, Akaashi is kinda my sowlmate now." Bokuto says with a sage like nod.

 

"I knew he was trying to replace me." Kuroo replies with an exaggerated sniff.

 

They both laugh and Kuroo feels his body get lighter, feels his worry dissipate.

 

"I mean it, man. Ya know you can tell me anything, right?" Bokuto says nudging him.

 

"Yeah, I know."

 

"Do you, though?" Bokuto persists, nudging him a little more. "What stupid feelings did you think you couldn't tell me about?"

 

Kuroo groans before letting his head rest on the arm of the couch.

 

"You know the party? I left early that night because I just felt off and I've been feeling off ever since."

 

"What made you feel that way?"

 

"God, it's so stupid." Kuroo says covering his eyes with his palms.

 

"Hey, hey, hey! You gotta tell me!" Bokuto says kicking him playfully.

 

Kuroo sighs before sitting up.

 

"When I got out of the bathroom, I saw Sawamura and Sugawara laughing and touching and— it just hurt. Then I sat with Azumane and we got to talking. Turns out he's been in love with Sugawara for 9 years and that just made me feel even worse. Bo, he just looked so broken, so down on his luck, that I just— I don't know, Bo. I just had to leave."

 

"9 years!?"

 

"I know. You should have seen his face, Bo. It was sadness like I've never seen before."

 

"That's a lot to take in," Bokuto says nodding his head in thought. "Sawamura and Suga plus Maneazu's sadness, it all affected you more than you expected, huh?"

 

"Pretty much, it's dumb right?" Kuroo says rolling his head towards him.

 

"Nah, I don't think so. It just sounds...complicated."

 

"You have no idea. Before we left today, I saw Sawamura and waved. But he ignored me and—" Kuroo scoffs ruefully, "I almost started crying."

 

"Do you think maybe...he's..the reason?"

 

"The reason for what?" Kuroo asks, sitting up a little straighter, looking at him.

 

Bokuto crosses his arms and scrunches up his face like he's trying hard to find the right words to say.

 

"I mean like, maybe there's a reason...it's.. _Sawamura_ that seems to be hurting you." He says gesturing with his hands; his eyes bulging like he's hinting at something. But Kuroo hasn't the faintest clue what.

 

"Nah, he's not hurting me. _I'm_ hurting me by being an idiot. I deserved him ignoring me today, I mean I've given him almost a month of the same treatment."

 

"No," Bokuto says with a quick shake of his head, "I mean— Like there's a deeper reason you felt bad when _he_ ignored you today."

 

"There actually is." Kuroo says quietly.

 

Bokuto nods enthusiastically, his hands motioning eagerly for Kuroo to continue. "Yeah!?"

 

"His eyes reminded me of my mother." Kuroo says even quieter.

 

Bokuto deflates, his hands dropping; his whole demeanour changing.

 

"Oh fuck, Kuroo...shit, I didn't think— Wait, has she contacted you recently?" He asks, his hands on Kuroo's shoulder, squeezing him with worry.

 

"No, but I've been having dreams," Kuroo sighs, "More like memories that I see when I sleep."

 

"And Sawamura reminded you of her?"

 

"It's fucking stupid, I know. Sawamura has nothing to do with any of that, yet I'm pushing all my bullshit onto him."

 

"Why do you think this is happening?" Bokuto asks curiously.

 

"I don't know, man. I guess ever since I've met him, Sawamura's just been...he's—it's like—" Kuroo sighs for the umpteenth time today, "I'm not making any sense, am I?" He asks, holding his face in his hands.

 

Bokuto chuckles before squeezing his shoulders again.

 

"Nah, you're making perfect sense, man. You just need to give yourself time." Bokuto says knowingly, "But for now you need to apologise to him. And Suga. Oh and Akaashi!"

 

"You're right. I'll apologise to everyone tomorrow. I promise." Kuroo replies, running his hands through his hair again.

 

"Good! But for now, let's watch the sequel to the greatest movie ever made!" Bokuto roars, much louder than is necessary.

 

He grabs the remote and presses play on the sequel, hooting as the opening credits and theme song plays. Kuroo laughs and joins in with his best friend, his chest completely light for the first time in weeks. He looks over to the silver haired man with a larger than life personality and heart greater than gold and can't help but think that he really doesn't deserve him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's been over a month, I'm sorry but as I'm sure you know, life really has so many twists and turns. ~~I guess you could say I got swept up by a wave asdfghjkjkhgfgh~~ I never planned to be gone for so long, I kinda hit a wall and had to rethink some things, so really this chapter was as much a change of pace for Kuroo as it was for me and this whole piece of writing! I know this chapter might not have been what you were expecting and may be a bit hard to follow, but trust me people!! I swear I have a plan that I am working towards, everything will work out in the end, in this fic and in all our lives♡. Thank you so much for reading and I hope to see you in the next chapter ʕ๑ᵔᴥᵔ๑ʔ ~~☆
> 
> p.s if you are still mad at me just look at [this](https://www.top5.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/cute-babt-animals-penguin-.jpg%22)! No? What about [this](https://indulgy.com/post/GGTyZ3mmH2), [this](https://thumbs-prod.si-cdn.com/Wgyl3t0hMSHxFus8N6kdS2RB8w8=/fit-in/1072x0/https://public-media.si-cdn.com/filer/c4/0c/c40cfc25-e74e-4ea3-bf45-79cf2b73c3c5/42-78288653.jpg) or maybe [this?](https://assets.geo.de/div/image/54272/15_pinguin_popup.jpg)  
> ♡ (⇀ 3 ↼)
> 
> p.p.s I received a handful of lovely comments over this fic from wonderful people (you know who you are ʕ♡ᵔᴥᵔ♡ʔ ) so I am definitely going to see this it to fruition, it's very important to me ♡ I am sure I'll come back to this years from now with fond memories.
> 
> p.p.p.s I am actually in love with Bokuto Koutarou, like I am full on **in love** , the last manga arc involving Fukurodani made me heart actually burst with love ♡(｡- ω -). Wow, Furudate Haruichi really has me in love with and ready to die for this fictional boy ｡･ﾟﾟ*(>д<)*ﾟﾟ･｡


	7. a good guy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been exactly two months...(＞﹏＜) Honestly I don't blame you if you've forgotten everything up until this point, because I'll be real with you I had to reread this fic to remember where the fuck I'm going with this piece BUT all is well!! I'm back on track! So please, feel at ease and read this chapter, thank you so much for coming back for more and I hope you enjoy it ♡

Taking a deep breath, Kuroo walks through the entrance of Haruichi Zoo, his thoughts racing as he tries to keep himself calm. All he needs to do is apologise, which is easy enough, he’s not a super prideful guy so he has no problem in saying he’s sorry. To Akaashi and Sugawara that is, but Sawamura? The thought of facing him makes the lump in Kuroo’s throat tighten till it’s painful.

 

“Come on, bro! Our babies are waiting!” Bokuto says jovially, smacking Kuroo’s back as he walks by him. The owlish man slept over the previous night after they had binged on pizza and their favourite movie series. With his warm smile, Kuroo feels lighter and walks forward to join his friend. 

 

As they walk towards the penguin exhibit, out of the corner of his eye, Kuroo sees the sign that welcomes guests to the Safari exhibit, where Sugawara is. He swallows, sighs and pats Bokuto on the shoulder.

 

“I’ll..uh..catch up to you in a bit, Bo.”

 

Bokuto looks at him for a moment then nods with a grin, he clamps his hands down on Kuroo’s shoulders and squeezes.

 

“You can do it, bro! Just stay calm and explain yourself like you did to me! Suga’s great, he’ll understand for sure!”

 

“Thanks, Bo.” Kuroo says with a smile, Bokuto’s positivity is infectious. They part with a wave, Bokuto skipping ahead towards the penguins while Kuroo finds his way past a few big cat exhibits till he finds himself at the lions that Sugawara is in charge of. And of course, fate isn’t on his side because the moment he sees Sugawara, he sees Sawamura too, the two of them chatting without a care in the world. The uncomfortable feeling in his chest is back and it takes everything for him not to turn on his heels and flee with his tail between his legs.

 

That and the fact that Sugawara notices him and motions to Sawamura, who turns to look at him with the same cold in his eye. Forcing himself to move past it, Kuroo walks towards the pair who exchange looks before Sawamura turns back to Sugawara says something and then walks past Kuroo as if he isn’t even there. 

 

_ It hurts _ .

 

It hurts so much more than it should, it feels like icicles are cutting through his skin. But he persists and walks till he stands before Sugawara who gives him a small smile.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hi, Kuroo.” Sugawara replies unsure and a little..guilty?

 

“I won’t bullshit. I’ve treated you terribly and I am so sorry for it. It’s inexcusable, I know that but I’m just hoping you can forgive me.” Kuroo says before his thoughts or emotions get the better of him. 

 

Sugawara looks dumbfounded and then just shakes his head a little as his smile becomes more relaxed and warm.

 

“You’re actually a really good guy you know that, Kuroo?”

 

“Huh?”

 

Sugawara chuckles to himself and pats Kuroo on his back with a cheeky twinkle in his eye.

 

“You’re forgiven, Kuroo! And to make amends for the past month, let’s go drinking this weekend!”

 

Kuroo is taken aback, Sugawara is far too accepting of his apology, it’s almost as if he’s overcompensating.

 

“Are you serious? You forgive me so easily? With no, no punishment?”

 

Sugawara gives him a look, “Punishment? Kuroo, you  just avoided us for a month. You didn’t kill anyone. Besides, don’t you think you’ve punished  _ yourself  _ enough?”

 

His words make Kuroo back track. He thinks over the past month, how he pushed himself further and further away from good people all because of stupid feelings he couldn’t shake. It certainly felt like a punishment.

 

“I guess you’re right,” he says as he runs a hand through his hair. “Thank you, Suga.”

 

“No need to thank me! Just take care, okay?”

 

Kuroo smiles as the chill eases itself away from his heart, he nods and is about to go off before Sugawara grabs his shoulder.

 

“Oh and Daichi may be stubborn but he’s the most forgiving person I know. He’ll come around I know it.”

 

His words are a comfort and Kuroo nods and gives him a wave before he makes his way to the penguin exhibit, already feeling better than he has the past month.

* * *

 

After their very important morning cooing session to the penguins, Kuroo and Bokuto gather themselves and head to the food centre to pick up their breakfast. When they enter, Bokuto puts a hand on Kuroo’s chest just as he makes to move towards Kenma’s station. 

 

“I’ve got the chicks breakfast, you got an apology to make!” Bokuto says with a grin. Kuroo looks over to Akaashi and nods. As he walks over to his station, he hears Bokuto making boisterous small talk with Kenma who sounds exasperated already. He walks up to Akaashi’s station as the man in question has his back to him, rearranging food cans. 

 

Kuroo stands and waits for him to turn around.

 

He waits.

 

And waits.

 

And waits some more, before it dawns on him that Akaashi has very much acknowledged his presence but does not wish to turn around and welcome him, which in all fairness he does deserve, so taking a breath, Kuroo speaks his heart.

 

“I’m sorry I dragged you into my mess, Akaashi. By avoiding you, all I did was make you think you were part of the problem. You’re my best friend’s boyfriend and I never meant to make you feel that you didn’t deserve to be.”

 

Akaashi doesn’t respond for a few moments before turning around and looking at Kuroo in silence for a pause. He then begins to inspect himself as if he’s looking for a stain.

 

“How peculiar, I am no longer under the magical spell that made me invisible to your eye.”

 

Kuroo grins at his cheek, shaking his head as he relaxes in front of his junior.

 

“What a shame. I liked the idea of having a superpower.”

 

Akaashi looks back at Kuroo after he finishes inspecting himself and gives him a small smile. Kuroo grins back at him, his eyes crinkling as he feels fondness flood his system.

 

“It’s fine, Kuroo-san. I’m not mad at you,” Akaashi says with his smile widening just a bit. “At least not for the reason you think.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Bokuto talks about you to great lengths, I often feel jealous.”

 

Kuroo lets out a ridiculous laugh, his head swings back in mirth at Akaashi’s directness and Bokuto’s antics.

 

“Now you know how I feel, before you two got together he’d always find a way to stir the conversation back to you.” 

 

Akaashi’s cheeks pinken as he lays out fruit and begins chopping.

 

“So all’s forgiven?” Kuroo asks as he shuffles on his feet, stuffing his hands into his pockets. He sticks out his bottom lip at an attempt at an endearing look.

 

Akaashi looks back at him and rolls his eyes but in good nature.

 

“Yes, all is forgiven now please leave, Kuroo-san. Your chicks are hungry.”

 

“Mmhmm, that and your boyfriend is coming over and you want me to leave so you two can be gross.”

 

“Yes, that too.”

 

Kuroo laughs again and as he walks up to Bokuto, who wasn’t far behind him, they exchange a double high five. As well as the food cart which Kuroo wheels out of the food centre while Bokuto bounds up to his sweetheart. 

* * *

 

“So, I've managed to do two outta three already. Which is good progress! Suga and Akaashi were cool, so Sawamura will be too. Right?”

 

“...”

 

“Or maybe the fact that it went so smoothly with the first two is just foreshadowing for how terribly it’s going to go with Sawamura.”

 

“...”

 

“Maybe I should give him a few more days of space. What do you think?”

 

Brown eyes stare up at the creature making noises at her, Hana ruffles her feathers before chirping in agreement. 

 

“I think you should stop trying to talk to a penguin.”

 

Kuroo looks up from his hunched over position to see Asahi giving him a warm look, he’s chuckling to himself as he looks down at the little spectacle.

 

“I’ll have you know that Hana is incredibly receptive and a great source of advice for me.” 

 

Azumane chuckles a bit louder and Kuroo joins him, the anxiety built up in him from his ‘conversation’ with Hana dissipating.

 

“Is it lunch already?” He asks as he stands up and dusts himself up. Looking over the penguin exhibit, he sees Fukunaga with the old King, Inuoka playing with the Adélies and of course, Bokuto cooing over the chicks. He looks up to the central clock on the tower than stands in the middle of the pavilion. It’s only 10:45am.

 

“No, but I was hoping we could catch it early, so we could..uh..talk.”

 

“Oh sure! You alright?” 

 

“I’m fine!” Azumane says too quickly, and after a month of spending almost every lunchtime with the man, Kuroo knows his mannerisms enough to know that something is off. 

 

“Let me just let my unit members know and we can go okay?” He places a hand on Asahi’s shoulder who in return gives him a nod and timid smile.

 

After letting Fukunaga know, washing his hands and grabbing his wallet, Kuroo walks with Asahi through the zoo till they exit and head towards the streets with eateries and other shops. But before they can make a left for Jōzenji, Azumanestops and grabs Kuroo by the shoulder.

 

“Could we..uh..go somewhere else to eat?” He says quietly, he looks at his feet like a shy child and Kuroo can’t help but feel affection at the action.

 

“Sure! Let's get donburi today.” Kuroo says as he pats Azumane’s shoulder. They take their time and find a donburi stall where they promptly order and make small talk before their meals arrive. When they do they eat in relative silence till their bowls are about half empty. 

 

“So I’m guessing this is about Terashima since you didn’t want to go to Jōzenji.”

 

“Yeah…” Azumane replies as he stares into his bowl, he sighs before taking a sip of his drink.

 

“Is his flirting making you uncomfortable?”

 

Asahi sputters on his water a little as his cheeks pinken. “S-so, he was flirting w-with me?”

 

“Are you serious!?” Kuroo says, dropping a mackerel piece back into his bowl

 

“I wasn’t sure if he was just being friendly or not!” Azumane replies defensively.

 

“ _ Asahi _ , he literally says ‘hey sexy’ whenever he sees you.”

 

“I know, I know. But I just thought he was being really nice." Azumane shrugs as his cheeks pinken a bit more. "Anyway, we exchanged numbers recently and he's fun to talk to." The smile on his face is a soft one, it speaks of fond memories and a good time.

 

"So what's the problem?" Kuroo asks, picking up the piece of mackerel once more.

 

"Well, he..uh..asked me out...on a date."

 

"Oh! That's great!" Kuroo says patting him on the shoulder before he pauses and takes in Azumane's troubled expression."Or it isn't?"

 

Azumane sighs before running his chopsticks around the rim of his bowl. "I don't know, I mean I'm flattered! And even though he's very forward he's not a bad person and I'm not against dating him but-

 

"Suga." Kuroo says quietly.

 

"Yeah."

 

They sit quietly for a moment, as people bustle around them, orders are made, people are talking and making merry, bellies are being filled. Even as they sit suspended in their thoughts the world around them goes on and that thought resonates with Kuroo. He looks over his shoulder away from the bar and out of the small stall on to the street where people walk by, each busy with their own lives, their own sorrows, their own joys.

 

"Life goes on, man. I say go for it. Because really what do you have to lose?"

 

"Nothing." Azumane says quietly, his hand stilling on the tabletop. "I just..I wish I never had these stupid feelings to begin with, I'm sick of feeling this way."

 

"Then go on the date. I'm not saying it's going to stop all those feelings but you owe it to yourself to let go and have a good time with someone. It's not like you have to marry him or anything, just go have some fun and if it's a horrible date we'll never go to Jōzenji again."

 

Azumane looks up at him and smiles, but he still looks uncertain. Kuroo places a hand on his shoulder and squeezes. "Don't you think you've punished yourself enough?" 

 

Azumane's eyes widen and he looks away again. He bows his head as tears fall on to his hand; his shoulders shaking slightly. Kuroo rubs his back as the world around them continues to go by; lives go by, time goes by. After awhile, Azumane raises his head and wipes his face. 

 

"Thanks Kuroo, you're a really good guy." He says as he looks at his friend.

 

Kuroo gives him a wide smile in return, before he pauses. "Why is everyone saying that? I've always been a nice guy."

 

"Too bad you look like a fox." Azumane says with a grin.

 

"Oi!" 

 

They both laugh and fall back into lighthearted conversation, they finish their food and get some dango as a treat. They talk about work, about the tv show Kuroo is eager for Azumane to watch even though it's gory. Anything and everything, till they realize they've gone over their early break and need to head back asap.

 

"Shit, we gotta go!" Kuroo says as he stands abruptly, "Time to work off that dango, my friend." 

 

They begin to race back to the zoo, with Kuroo leading the way. The run is strenuous but feels good; the faster he gets the lighter Kuroo feels. The wind against his skin feels good, feels like a tender touch. As he weaves past people and their dogs, shopping and prams, Kuroo runs with arms swinging by his side. The air feels good in his lungs and the burn in his thighs reminds him of his vitality; reminds him that as quickly as he can feel down he get back up again. Before he can help it, laughter escapes his mouth; from the moment Bokuto spoke to him last night he felt his spirits lift; he felt something changing. And as he runs through the streets of Tokyo, the world around him looks brighter. He calls back to Azumane to pick up the pace who in turn groans about his full stomach.

 

Kuroo's rambunctious laughter lifts through the Tokyo streets as they run against the wind like a pair of tardy schoolboys. 

* * *

 

When they reach the employee entrance of Haruichi Zoo,  _ out of breath _ doesn't do them justice. Kuroo has his hands on his knees as he pants out laughter. Azumane is on the floor, clutching his stomach.

 

"I think I'm gonna puke." 

 

Kuroo laughs so more but doing so hurts and his voice is hoarse. "I don't think I've run like that since high school."

 

"I don't think I've run like that ever."

 

With another chuckle, Kuroo stands up fully, his hands on his sides as he stretches back. He closes his eyes and lets his breathing slow before standing up correctly and opening them again. Azumane is sitting up on the floor, his arms on his knees as he takes a few deep breaths. Kuroo reaches out a hand which he takes with a smile, and he stands to his feet.

 

"Thanks."

 

"What can I say? I'm a good guy after all." Kuroo says with a cheeky grin. 

 

Azumane laughs and Kuroo joins him; but he suddenly feels the urge to look behind him. And when he does, he sees Sawamura startle at being caught staring. For a second they just hold each other's gaze; both unsure of how to proceed. As Kuroo makes to lift his hand for a wave, Sawamura turns away and walks back into the zoo.

 

Kuroo sighs as he lets his hand drop. Sawamura still won't give him the time of day, and even if he deserves it, he's tired of it. So with a rush of determination, he bids Azumane a quick goodbye and races after Sawamura.

 

Which is harder to do than he had hoped, as he is still wiped from running back to the zoo but the adrenaline pumping through his veins is determined to see him through.

 

"Sawamura, wait!"

 

Upon hearing his name called, the marine life trainer picks up his pace from a slow walk to a brisk one. 

 

"Sawamura!"

 

When he doesn't respond, Kuroo picks up his own pace in an attempt to reach him sooner. But in an act of stubbornness, Sawamura increases his own pace to a light jog, and then a slow run.

 

" _ Oh come on!" _

 

Kuroo runs after the man who in turn breaks out into a full sprint. Not one to be outdone, Kuroo pleads with his body to keep going and races after the man, for the second time that day, at a pace he hasn't been at since his high school days. They run through the zoo like a pair of school children, Sawamura running ahead like an antelope while Kuroo manages to barely keep up with the grace of a deranged vagrant. As they round a corner, narrowly colliding with a young couple, Kuroo swears he catches the faintest glimpse of a smile on Sawamura's face. 

 

The sight fires him up and with it and the help of what can only be God, Kuroo manages to catch up to Sawamura and grabs his wrist in an attempt to stop the man. The force from grabbing his wrist is so abrupt that it throws Kuroo off and he trips over his own legs and crashes into Sawamura's back who in turn takes a tumble onto the soft grass of the zoo's recreational park area. As they hit the ground, they both make harsh grunts of pain and discomfort. 

 

Kuroo rolls off of Sawamura and sits back on the grass as the other man sits up and dusts himself off without acknowledging him. 

 

"Sawamura."

 

He says nothing just continues to dust off the wetsuit that is fairly clean already.

 

"Sawamura."

 

Still nothing, not even a glance.

 

"You're a real hard ass, you know that?"

 

Sawamura's head snaps up swiftly, his brows quirking in anger. "Excuse me!?" 

 

Kuroo can't help it, the childish indignation on his face is too cute, he laughs like he has no control of himself; spreading his hands back on the grass as his head swings back as he barks out laughter. Sawamura lets out an irritated gruff and picks himself off the floor to leave; cutting Kuroo's laughter short. He jumps up to catch the man before he can storm off. 

 

"Wait! I'm sorry for laughing! Actually, I'm sorry for a lot of things." He says quickly, his words come out louder than he had meant for them to, and they get a few stares from zoogoers. Sawamura finally looks at him, and his heart eases seeing that it isn't that cold look from before. He looks irritated but willing to hear him out. 

 

"I'm really sorry, Sawamura. For ignoring and avoiding you this past month. You didn't do anything to deserve that and all I ask is that you give me the chance to make up for it all." 

 

Sawamura doesn't say anything for awhile, just crosses his arms and stares at him like a teacher would an unruly student.

 

"Why?"

 

"Why wha — "

 

"Why did you ignore and avoid me for  _ over  _ a month." Sawamura's tone is no nonsense and he looks Kuroo in the eye for an answer. 

 

Kuroo sighs as he rubs his neck,  _ he _ doesn't even know the full answer to that question.  "I don't know, I was being stupid. I had all these thoughts in my head and rather than deal with them I just pushed them and everyone away."

 

"But not Asahi."

 

Kuroo looks up at Sawamura, his tone of voice is off somehow.

 

"Yeah..uh..he and I just clicked after the party, I guess."

 

"Hmm." Sawamura says with his jaw tense. He looks at the watch on his wrist and sighs. "Well, if that's it, I gotta go." 

 

He makes to leave and Kuroo's body reacts before his brain can keep up, he grabs Sawamura's wrist as he turns to leave. The man looks at him with clear hostility. Kuroo lets go of his wrist quickly and holds his hands up against his chest in a placating manner.

 

" _ Please  _ let me make it up to you. Tonight, after work. There's this ramen shop I've been to recently, let me buy you dinner." 

 

Sawamura looks at him once more before turning away again. But before Kuroo's heart can drop, he speaks.

 

"Will you explain yourself?"

 

Kuroo nods his head fervently before realising his stupidity as Sawamura has his back to him.

 

"I will, I swear." His voice is shaky and his heart pounds a little harder than it needs to. 

 

Without looking back, Sawamura walks off towards one of the zoo's many exhibits, but before he gets to far he calls over his shoulder. 

 

"Meet me at the gates and don't be late!"

 

Kuroo lets out a deep breath at the man's words, the weight from his chest wiped away in a single swipe. He watched Sawamura go: his sturdy back; his confident stride. The air feels like it's shifting, like a new wind has blown in from the west; like something is on it's way. Kuroo is ready to collapse back onto the grass when he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulls it out to see that Bokuto is calling him and as he's about to pick it up, he looks at the time and realises just how late he is to return to his shift.

 

"Shit!"   
  


 

He bolts in the direction of the penguin exhibit, his body screaming in agony and he attempts an Olympic run for the third time that day.

* * *

 

By the time the day is over, Kuroo is ready to sleep for a fortnight. When he had returned the penguins had deemed it necessary to punish him for his tardiness, especially Hana who was furious that he hadn't been there to give her her afternoon treat, the Rockhopper's had attacked him with their flippers for making the little chick upset and Momo had a few choice squawks for him as well. The day had gone as usual for the most part, much better than the past month, most of it because of Bokuto who acted like there was never any friction between them. In the little moments, when they were weighing the cheeks or playing with them Kuroo looked over to his friend and thanked his lucky stars that he had him. 

 

After using the staff showers and changing into his casual clothes which luckily were decent enough to go out in, Kuroo bids goodbye to Bokuto, Akaashi and Kenma before heading for the employee gates. In his haste, he fails to see the looks that they exchange as he goes.

 

When he reaches the gate, there is Sawamura. Standing in his own casual clothes, a white t-shirt and plain slacks. He's on his phone casually scrolling.

 

"Hey." Kuroo says as he slips his hands into his pockets. Sawamura looks up at him and puts his phone away. He walks through the employee gate and bids the guard on duty a goodnight. A sleek black limousine pulls up inconspicuously by the side of the gate, and a window rolls down. Feeling good about the evening despite his frosty reception, Kuroo skips up beside Sawamura and cheekily nudges him with his elbow.

 

"What, you're gonna ignore me the whole evening?"

 

"I can try."

 

Kuroo chuckles as they fall into each other's pace. "Suga wasn't kidding when he said you're stubborn, huh?"

 

Sawamura's eyebrow pulses and he grunts in begrudging acceptance. "This place you're taking me better be worth it."

 

"It's good, trust me."

 

"Not sure if I can." Sawamura says swiftly, his eyes still on the path their on.

 

"Ouch, okay I deserve that but I swear, this place is —"

 

"Tetsurou."

 

The voice stops him in his tracks. Like pavlov's dog, it's effect is instant. His words die in throat, his skin feels like rubber, like its not his own. The chill is back but moreso, it's like frostbite. Starting in his chest and spreading across the rest of his body like a poison. His good mood is gone, his mirth and cheeky grin are gone. Kuroo turns slowly, not registering Sawamura's confusion or hearing his voice as he inquires as to who their _ guest  _ is. His eyes make their way up slowly, they move over mahogany geta, pristine white tabi socks and an antique Aizome kimono before they reach the cold, empty eyes of his mother. 

 

"Get into the car, we have much to discuss." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I'm evil ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ but surely we have established that by now. This chapter was something to write, like the mini chase scene was spur of the moment but I thought it was cute so I kept it in. I'm soft for Kuroasa, they're such a lovely pair to write. I'm also really soft for bokuaka for some reason?? Like I really want to write a fic but it's Kenhina week soon and I need to do better for them than I did for Kurodai week. Also, I've dropped a few little hints in this chapter I wonder if anyone has put the pieces together ʕ✧ᴥ✧ʔ ?? Not that I would tell you if you did, yes I'm looking at you FrailSpark, get out of my head ٩(๑`^´๑)۶ Anyway, thank you for reading and please, pretty please let me know what you think ʕ ๑•ᴥ•๑ʔ ♡♡
> 
> p.s see you in six months 
> 
> p.p.s asdjkagdhsdfhadfgjhg I'M KIDDING, the next update will be soon, I swear it! In the next 10 days max, but be warned it's gonna play with your emotions~


	8. she's poison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually finished writing this 4 days ago but thought that you all need a week to stew/prepare before I dropped this chapter on you, what can I say I'm evil Ψʕ✧ᴥ✧ʔ↝, all my stupidity aside thank you so much for coming back and I hope you enjoy this chapter ♡♡ ~~if you can, that is~~

Obedience brought on by fear is a terrifying thing.

 

It’s almost involuntary the way Kuroo’s legs take him towards the car; the way his hands reach for the door handle; the way his body places itself in the leather seats of the limousine . He can’t speak, his throat is too dry, he can’t even look at Sawamura who is just standing there bewildered. Kuroo feels his stomach tying itself up into knots; his heart rate exhilarating as he begins to hyperventilate. He clenches his fists on his laps and tries to steady his breathing. His ears twitch as he hears the familiar click of his mother’s geta hitting the pavement as she walks from the street to the car; the chauffeur opens the door for her and she enters as delicately as ever. With a nod from his master as he re-enters the car, the chauffeur pulls of the pavement and onto the road, driving away from Haruichi Zoo and leaving Sawamura standing there in confusion.

 

As the car pulls away and his mother says nothing, Kuroo feels the strength and vitality in his body from moments ago slip away. It's like a chain has been forced around his neck, like harness has been placed upon his body. It's always like this when he's with her. They drive through Tokyo in relative silence, relative as Kuroo's breath hitches as he struggles to remain calm. He tries to focus on anything but her, on the chauffeur in front of him, who hasn't changed since he was a boy; his pristine black suit, his hat that is adorned the family sigil, his dull brown eyes that focus on the road in front of him even though he knows Kuroo's eyes are on him. But try as he may he can't not notice her, her smell is intoxicating and suffocating; a blend of jasmine and hibiscus, it reminds him of his childhood, of days spent locked away in a room or forced to learn calligraphy and mannerisms that were unnatural for a young blossoming child.

 

The discomfort in his body increases as his mind races over just what she wants from him.

* * *

 

“Hey, hey, hey Sawamura!”

 

Bokuto bounds through the Haruichi Zoo employee gates with Akaashi and Kenma following behind him, he hops over to Sawamura with a cheeky grin.

 

“Aren’t you late to your _hot date_ with Kuroo?” The man smiles wide as he speaks, not noticing the  discomfort on Sawamura’s face.

 

“Guess, I need to get in line. He already had a _hot date_.” Sawamura says with a sigh.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Some older woman in a limousine.” He says with a disgruntled look on his face. “Didn’t even bother saying bye.”

 

Bokuto’s smile drops, his face overtaken with worry. In a flash he becomes deadly serious, gripping Sawamura’s shoulders and pinning him with his sharp, bird-like eyes. His grip is borderline uncomfortable; it’s desperate.

 

“What did this woman look like? Did she wear a traditional kimono? Geta?”

 

“Y-yeah, now that I think about it she kinda looked like Kuroo.”

 

Bokuto lets go of him and steps back, his shoulders tense. “Damnit!” He grips his hair and grimaces, his body language dangerous. Akaashi moves towards him and places a hand on his shoulder, trying in earnest to calm him down.

 

“Bokuto, what’s going on?” Sawamura asks taken aback by his reaction. He looks up at the others and sees Kenma has his phone to his ear, his face anguished, he bites into his bottom lip so hard it looks like it might begin to bleed.

 

“He’s not picking up, she’s probably made him silence it.”

 

Akaashi and Sawamura exchange looks, both as lost, both as concerned.

 

“What’s going on!?” Sawamura demands again, their reactions have him on edge, like a storm he doesn’t know about is brewing.

 

Bokuto places his hand over Akaashi’s and gives him a forced smile, then he faces Sawamura with an increased level of focus than before.

 

“We need to get to Kuroo, before that _bitch_ gets into his head.” His tone is dark, far from the light-hearted goofball Sawamura is used to.

 

“What direction did they go, Sawamura-san.” Kenma asks stepping forward. “Quickly, we need to get to him as soon as possible.”

 

Sawamura recounts how the car pulled up and took Kuroo down the street. They decide to split up to try and reach Kuroo sooner, each one of them running as fast as their legs can take them, each spurred on by a sense of anxiety and urgency.

* * *

 

“Are you quite done with your dramatics?”

 

Her tone is as icy as it was when he was a boy. Uncaring, unambiguous, not on the slightest bit perturbed by her son’s panicked state. Kuroo taps the side of his knee with his index finger, reciting the periodic table in his head starting from the noble gases, a calming trick, just like his childhood therapist taught him to. He swallows and takes a breath before speaking.

 

“What do you want?”

 

“You’re in your 25th year, this summer you will be wed to a suitable candidate and take your place as the future head of the Shimozaki household.”

 

Her eyes don’t leave the road ahead as she speaks, her tone informal and business like.

 

Another rush of panic runs through Kuroo’s body,  his past has caught up to him sooner than he had hoped. But he’s not ready to let go of his present so easily.

 

“I’m not a Shimozaki, I’m a Kuroo. The divorce finalised that.”

 

“That can be changed with ease. I’m not asking you, _Tetsurou_. This is an order that you will adhere to.”

 

Her eyes are on him, he knows it. From the way his skin burns like it’s being peeled off, from the way his stomach collapses into itself like he’s been starved for days. Anger, hatred and fear tethered together inside him.

 

“No.” His voice is quiet but firm. He’s scared, of course he is, but no amount of fear is going to make him let go of the life he’s worked so hard to have.

 

“What part of I’m not _asking_ you do you fail to understand?” Her voice raises in volume, ever so slightly, her tone taking a deadly turn. But Kuroo’s stubbornness prevails, not matter how much he doesn’t want to he wrenches his face towards her, his own glare mirroring his mothers. It disgusts him how much they look alike.

 

“I am 25 years old, you have no legal bond over my life or any of my affairs so don’t think for a second that I have to do a thing that you say.” His voice is cold and piercing;  just like she taught him.

 

Her eyes widen in shock, she turns her body to face him properly, her neck contorting in way reminiscent of a serpent. For a moment, nothing. She doesn’t react, doesn’t move, doesn’t make a sound.

 

Then, with the alacrity familiar to him from his childhood, her palm collides with his face in the swiftest of ways. It’s a sickening sound, so sharp it sounds like a snap. The force of the slap makes his head jerk to the side, the pain begins in the centre of his cheek before splintering across the side of his face.

 

“Don’t you _dare_ talk to me like that ever again in your _life_. Maybe, you’ve forgotten who you’re talking to, it has almost been a decade after all and you never were very bright.” Her voice is like poison; it corrodes Kuroo as it reaches him, his skin; his mind; his heart. “But I assure you, push me and I will be happy to remind you.”

 

His fists tighten so much at the sides of his knees, he’s almost lost sensation in them. He’s sick of feeling like this, feeling so weak in front of her, feeling so _hurt_. Because no matter what she has done to him, she’s still his mother and what child doesn’t crave their mother’s love?

 

“Though, you are right in some regard,” She faces forward once more, as if nothing just happened. “I have no legal bond over you.”

 

She looks out of the window, her long her covering part of her face, and it makes Kuroo remember. Remember his earliest years, earliest memories: of grabbing that hair and giggling as his mother would coo at him, of waddling in her geta that were too big for his small toes, of the soft kisses and caresses she would give him after he had fallen in the shoes he couldn’t fill.

 

How did they get from _that_ to _this_?

 

“But I have ways of _making_ you do what is in the family’s best interest.”

 

Kuroo’s heart sinks, the feeling in his stomach is exacerbated but her words, the threat in them as clear as the gold in her eyes.

 

“Your grandfather is ill and neither you nor your father have the finances to see him through it.”

 

“What?”

 

“Oh?” Her voice takes an almost playful lilt, “Yoshiro didn’t tell you? I’m not surprised, he always was far too soft on you.”

 

“You’re lying, Grandpa is fine.” Kuroo says shaking his head in denial, he knows that she wouldn’t lie about something like this, not when she needs it for him to do her bidding.

 

“If you don’t believe me, call up that father of yours. I wonder how much he hasn’t told you. How callous of you, Tetsurou. Living in the heart of the city, unburdened by what your _loved ones_ are going through. Perhaps you aren’t a completely lost cause.”

 

Kuroo can’t speak, memories rush back. His grandfather smiling before collapsing against the wall of their genkan. His grandmother’s crying face, his father carrying him out of the hospital room as he kicks and screams, horrified at seeing his grandfather hooked up to so many strange looking machines. The thought of it having happened again while he was unaware, living happily away from his suffering makes Kuroo sick.

 

“As it looks now, I say he has only a few more episodes before it proves fatal.”

 

“You—”

 

“He could receive the best healthcare in Japan, licensed professionals tending to him at all hours of the day, caring for him in the manner that would ensure his recovery.” Her voice is intoxicating, like warm honey. Much like a serpent, she speaks of the blessings of the apple, all Kuroo has to do is bite.

 

“That is, if you behave yourself and act as I raised you.”

 

Kuroo wants to bite but he also wants to clamp his mouth shut and resist, resist her clutches, resist a life that would have him trapped like a bird in cat’s cradle. The weight of her words, of the day, of the past couple of months all weigh on his shoulders at that very moment, reminding him of just how tired he really is.

 

_It’s too much, it’s all too much._

 

“I-I need to think about this.”

 

His mother smirks, too similar to his own and signals to the chauffeur who pulls over to an empty playground. The sun is setting quick and the colours of the sky are diluting into something dark and sinister.   

 

Kuroo all but hurls the door open, ripping himself from the car like it’s on fire. Her eyes are back on the road in front of her but still she addresses him.

 

“You have a fortnight, and I’m being generous. Your marriage interviews have already been pushed back long enough.”

 

Without so much as a cursory nod, the car pulls off the side of the playground and drives off down the road leaving Kuroo alone, on a desolate road in a lonely part of Tokyo.

* * *

 

Somehow, the four of them manage to all cross paths again in a residential area, all breathing hard, having run around the city as if their lives depended on it.

 

“No one’s seen him?” Bokuto asks his eyes moving across everyone’s faces as he catches his breath.

 

“No.” Sawamura says quietly, he had run around the streets were they usually get lunch to no prevail.

 

Bokuto grits his teeth before kicking a nearby signpost pole. The action makes both Sawamura and Akaashi jump but Kenma looks as though he’s seconds away from doing the same thing.

 

“She’s poison.” Kenma says quietly, his eyes on the floor. “Kuroo is an idiot most of the time, he teases and irritates and doesn’t take things too seriously. He’s a good guy, never pushes things too far, always looks out for the people he cares about without expecting anything in return. But when she’s around….”

 

“He becomes a shell.” Bokuto finishes, “He loses himself, becomes quiet and unresponsive. She’s not good for him, she’s _fucking_ poison.”

 

He and Kenma share a look, one that speaks of a shared experience, one that has stayed with them far too long.

 

“Why is she here now?” Sawamura asks, “Why hasn’t he cut ties with her?”

 

“It’s not that simple. She’s a Shimozaki. Shimozaki Chiyo.” Kenma says, the name like bile in his throat.

 

“Shimozaki?” Akaashi says in disbelief, “One of the most powerful families in Japan, with ties to the Emperor? That’s Kuroo-san’s family?”

 

“You don’t choose your family.” Bokuto says with a scoff. “Trust me if you could, Kuroo would never have picked _them_.”

 

Sawamura takes in their faces, the anger, the worry, the fear and guilt. He looks to Akaashi who wears his concern and disbelief as clear as day. Their lost faces make him think of his younger siblings; of times that he needed to step in and be the big brother his parents had expected him to be. No matter the difference in context, the occasion was the same, he needed to do something, anything to stabilise the situation.

 

“Alright,” Sawamura says going into ‘dad mode’ as Suga would call it. “First things first we need to find Kuroo, he’s a grown man and if she’s an important political figure she can’t afford controversy, so she hasn’t kidnapped him.”

 

Bokuto looks at him and nods, his eyes softening slightly. Kenma looks up at him too and the tension in his jaw lessens.

 

“We will all search again, making sure we double over the places we’ve already been just to ensure we didn’t miss him. Try calling him as much as possible so he knows we are looking for him. We’ll find him, we will.”

 

When he finishes, the other men look reinvigorated and determined. He nods at each of them and turns to restart his search.

 

“Oh! And Bokuto, Kenma,” He calls back to them after they also turn to leave. They look back him, their eyes questioning, ears attentive. “I’m not sure I agree with that statement. After all, Kuroo chose you two.” He grins as surprise crosses their faces before being replaced with warm smiles and light laughter from Bokuto.

 

Then they part, each turning to different directions with renewed focus and a stronger desire to find their friend.

* * *

 

Kuroo stumbles across the playground like a lost child.

 

As tired as he is, anger flares up inside him and he reaches for his phone. He sees countless missed calls from Bokuto, Akaashi and Kenma. If he was in a better mindset, he would respond immediately but his emotions have taken a mind of their own and are leading him like a puppet master would a marionette. He goes to his contacts and calls a number that should never awake so much anger within him.

 

“Tetsurou? What a surpris—”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me Grandpa relapsed!?”  He shouts across the empty playground, startling a group of schoolgirls strolling by who hurry past without looking back.

 

His father is speechless for few seconds, the only sound in that desolate stretch of Tokyo is Kuroo’s heavy breathing; his anger, his sadness. His father sighs as he shuffles around down the line.

 

“When were you going to tell me? When he died!?” Kuroo knows he shouldn’t be shouting, he hates that he is. But she has this effect on him, making him do, say, think and feel things he doesn’t want to.

 

“She found you, didn’t she.” His father’s voice is calm, but tired, very tired.

 

“Of course she did, I’ll never be free of her.” He says ruefully, he stumbles towards a swing and takes a seat on it. His body slumps down into it, feeling heavier than it ever has before.

 

“Would telling you have changed anything?”

 

“Yes! I would come home more! I’d check on you guys more, I’d—I’d be a better son.” Kuroo’s voice shakes at the end of his sentence. There it is, the guilt; the fear that he’s been a terrible son, a terrible child to the ones who raised him with all the love his mother couldn’t give him.

 

“ _Tetsurou!”_ His father’s anger makes him flinch, he’s not the type of man quick to anger. “Get those foolish thoughts out of your head immediately! You are the son that I was blessed with. Your grandmother, grandfather and I would go through it _all_ again, if it meant we’d have you.”

 

After the day he’s had, it’s no surprise that his father’s words are the breaking point. Kuroo sobs, his shoulders shaking as he does so. It’s hard to breathe, it’s hard to think, all he wants is to curl up and sleep it all off.

 

“Tetsurou, listen to me. It’s true that your grandfather’s health has been in decline. He hasn’t been the same since your grandmother passed but he didn’t want me to tell you for this very reason. You blame yourself for things that exist outside of your control. You always have Tetsurou. You are a good boy, with a good heart and no one, not even your mother can take that away from you. Please my son, _please_ don’t let her win. Don’t let her get to you, you’ve done so brilliantly without her. You always have.”

 

Kuroo listens to his father’s voice as he cries, listens to the voice that used to tell him bedtime stories of dragons and sorcerers, of aliens and cryptids. He listens to the man who shaped him into who he is today, to the steadiness of his voice, the truth in his words and it makes him cry all the harder.

 

“I don’t know what she’s done to you but now isn’t the time to discuss it, go and rest, Tetsurou. But not alone, spend time with Kenma or Koutarou, they are good boys who have your best interest at heart.”

 

Kuroo nods as his tears continue to fall, too tired and emotional to register the fact that his father can’t see the action.

 

“Don’t dwell on her words, no matter what they are.”

 

“Okay, dad.” His voice is weak, it scratches his throat, leaving it sore. “I hear you.”

 

“She is _not_ strong enough to break you, she never has been, she never will be. Do you understand me?”

 

“I do, dad.”

 

“Engrave these words into your mind, my son.”

 

“I will, dad.”

 

“And Tetsurou?”

 

“Yes, dad?”

 

“I love you, my son, with all the love I can possibly give.”

 

The words break Kuroo once more and he holds in the tears that fight to run free once more.

 

“I love you too, dad.” The words hiccup out of his mouth, his voice hoarse, shaky and unstable. He hangs up the phone before his father can hear him break down further.

 

His mother.

 

His father.

 

His grandmother.

 

His grandfather.

 

They all run through his mind; he runs through his memories. Through the strokes of an old cane, through a large estate that always felt empty, through an existence where he was supposed to be seen and not heard. Through the departure from that life, the divorce and separation, the move to Tokyo, meeting Kenma and Nekomata-sensei, making new friends, talking more, meeting Bokuto, high school, university, Haruichi Zoo, the penguins.

 

All of it threatened by the one person who should be causing him the least pain, his very own mother. Who holds not only his life but his grandfathers and by extension his father’s in her hands. The thought makes his tears run faster and he gasps trying to expel the sorrow from his lungs; from his heart; from his soul.

 

“Kuroo?”

 

He snaps his head up from where he holds it in his hands, to see Sawamura standing near the small gated entrance of the playground. The sight of the man makes him remember their plans for the evening, yet another train wreck in his life. Guilt swims in his gut before morphing into panic. He can’t let Sawamura see him like this, it’s pathetic.

 

He wipes at his face as Sawamura approaches him cautiously, he’s close enough that he can see the tears but he doesn’t say anything, he just stands there at arms length from Kuroo as his body sways gently on the swing set. He licks his lips, his eyes on the ground; he can see Sawamura’s shoes. He makes his best attempt at a casual voice but they can both hear how distraught it is.

 

“Shit, I’m really sorry about that, Sawamura. You think we could get a rain check on that dinner? I’m not doing—”

 

“Take it from me, holding it all in is never a good idea.”

 

Sawamura’s voice is soft, holding a tenderness Kuroo’s never heard before. He looks up in awe, to see Sawamura standing over him with eyes that hold empathy. The man raises a hand and cups the back on his head; pulling it to his stomach. Kuroo stills in confusion, his cheek pressed so firmly against Sawamura’s body.

 

“We can forget this all later, hell we can pretend like it never happened if you want,” Sawamura says as he threads the hand on Kuroo’s neck into the hair near his nape, the other resting on his back. “But for now...just let it out, Kuroo.”

 

His voice, his touch, his very presence makes Kuroo crumble. Like he’s found a buoy out at sea, Kuroo clings to Sawamura for dear life.

 

His mother.

 

His father.

 

His grandmother.

 

His grandfather.

 

His best friends.

 

His penguins.

 

And Sawamura, himself.

 

He thinks about all of them as he falls apart once more, tears losing control, voice cracking as he cries out in anguish, in arms that feel like a safety net, in a quiet, desolate playground on a cold night in residential Tokyo.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, I swear I love Kuroo even though I keep beating the shit out of him with my writing. Honestly, this chapter hurt me to write, especially the bit between Kuroo and his dad, as my father passed suddenly earlier this year and I got teary-eyed writing the dialogue between them (இ﹏இ`｡) But I perserved! As my dad would want me to, and I have to say I am super proud of how this chapter turned out, I was really impressed with my descriptions, my dialogue and my use of literary techniques. I hope my past English teachers are proud of me! They were all such lovely women, aaaanyway, thank you so much for reading! And can I just say that the comments that I get from this fic actually add 10 years to my life every time I read them!? Like seriously, you guys send me so much love, positive energy and make me cackle like a witch, ugh I love it ♡ Thank you all for making this silly little fic of mine feel so special , so see you in the next chapter my loves ʕ๑•ᴥ•๑ʔ ♡♡
> 
> p.s i love you all ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ ♡


	9. loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck, this chapter was long. I have no clue how people bang out 10-12k chapters, this 6.6k had me sweating. It was supposed to come out about a week ago but I wasn’t happy with it so rewrote part of it and I’m very happy with how it turned out. Thank you for coming back for another chapter and without further ado, here it is ♡:

Sunlight trickles through the slightest parting in the curtains. It’s warm on the bed sheets, warm on Kuroo’s skin.

 

He opens a lazy eye, lets it roam around the unfamiliar room. He takes in astandard bedroom, it’s so standard it’s almost boring but there’s something about it that stops it from being so. It’s warm, it’s safe. The room feels like a basket, a little home away from home which is strange when Kuroo considers the fact that he has no idea where he is. He rolls over and becomes away of the fact that he’s still wearing his clothes from yesterday. He opens his other eye and takes in the room around him more.

 

The walls of the room are cream, the curtains beige and the furnishings an oaky brown. The room is tidy, with a desk with a lamp and a volleyball tucked neatly in the corner. There’s a bookshelf with books of all different genres and  a small plush bear, sat holding a honeypot in its arms. Beside the desk is a wardrobe with a built in mirror, on it hangs a black and orange wetsuit.

 

Sawamura.

 

Kuroo jolts up at the realisation; the memories flooding back as he takes in the room once more. The park, his breakdown, being in Sawamura’s arms for what felt like hours. Then leaving the park, stumbling behind Sawamura who held his hand like he was a child. He remembers entering a car and then…

 

Nothing.

 

He gets up on shaky legs; his body feels incredibly weak but nonetheless he makes his way to the bedroom door and opens it hesitantly.

 

The smell of cooking hits him instantly, making him realise his hunger as he grabs his grumbling stomach. He rounds a corner slowly, his footsteps light as he continues to take in his surroundings. The hallway of the apartment he wanders through is lit up with natural light that comes from a single window, there are pictures hanging on the walls; of a younger Sawamura, a pair of twins, a Shiba Inu puppy and others of a foreign country. Kuroo stares at each picture, forgetting his hunger as he takes in a teenage Sawamura hugging Sugawara and Azumane and clutching a trophy is his free hand. The boy looks vibrant, his brown eyes scrunched in joy, his dimple punctuated like exclamation mark on his face, his cheeks are a little chubbier and Kuroo notices a missing tooth. It's a cute picture, one that makes Kuroo feel soft. A loud bark breaks him out of his little daydream and Kuroo almost has a heart attack at the sound of it; his panic escalating rapidly.

 

“Adzuki, keep quiet. He’s still sleeping.”

 

The sound of Sawamura's voice releases all of Kuroo’s panic: it’s the calm in it, the stability, the familiarity. Kuroo walks towards the direction of his voice and the smell of food cooking. He sees Sawamura in his kitchen, chopping vegetables as mackerel cooks on one of his hobs and rice steams in a rice cooker.

 

“Adzuki?” Kuroo says, he had meant for it to sound teasing but his voice comes out a lot more hoarse than he had anticipated. Sawamura looks up from his ministrations, his surprise morphing into a mildly irritated grin.

 

"Yes, I named my dog after a food, sue me." He says as he turns back to the mackerel, flipping it in its skillet with ease. The dog is question bounds up to Kuroo with his tail wagging excitedly. He barks up at Kuroo, sitting back on his hind legs and raising his front paws in expectation.

 

"He always gets treats when we have visitors so the little greedy guts is waiting for you to feed him something."  Sawamura says without turning back.

 

Adzuki's bright hopeful eyes are too powerful for Kuroo to ignore, he finds himself trapped by the dog's adorable disposition. After what feels like forever,  he breaks eye contact with the dog to look at Sawamura who is chuckling at his dilemma.

 

"He'll be like that until you give him a treat," Sawamura says swapping the mackerel skillet for an empty frying pan on the hob. "His treats are over here." He says, pointing to a cupboard beside him.

 

Kuroo slowly inches away from Adzuki who stays put, tail still wagging, tongue hanging out as he pants in patience. He enters the kitchen properly, it doesn’t have a door but is divided from the rest of Sawamura's living room by a counter, similar to his own apartment. He opens the cupboard Sawamura pointed to and spots a brightly coloured bag of dog treats. Turning back to Adzuki, Kuroo lightly shakes the bag; an action that makes Adzuki bark happily, his tail wagging in overdrive. Kuroo walks up to the good boy and tosses him a treat, chuckling at the dog munches down happily. Once he's done he looks back to the bag in Kuroo's hand expectantly, his eyes shining. Kuroo is about to throw him another one before Sawamura makes a sound of disapproval.

 

"I don't think so, you glutton." He says looking down at his dog who whines and looks at him with mewling eyes.

 

"You know that doesn't work with me." Sawamura says with an eye roll. Adzuki whimpers in defeat before rubbing his head against Kuroo's legs. Kuroo strokes his head, making the dog let out one more happy bark before he makes his way deeper into the apartment.

 

"Food is almost ready so you can sit down." Sawamura says as Kuroo stands back up from his crouched down position, he re-enters the kitchen and sits down at the little table in the centre. He watches Sawamura as he cooks, scraping his chopped vegetables from his chopping board to the frying pan, watches him toss the vegetables in the pan, cooking them evenly. He doesn't even realise he is staring till Sawamura looks back at him with a raised brow.

 

"What?" He says with mirth in his voice.

 

Kuroo opens his mouth to say something but for a second nothing comes to mind, he looks away from Sawamura to his hands on the table. Looking at the man takes him back to the park, to being in his arms, feeling his hand stroke his back as he cried. The thought makes heat bubble up under his skin.

 

"I..uh..didn't know that you cooked." Kuroo says trying to shake his thoughts.

 

Sawamura chuckles, "So, what? You thought I bought all my meals from convenience stores? That's hardly anyway to live."

 

“I’ll have you know that the 7/11 near my home makes incredibly healthy bentos.” Kuroo says with a grin.

 

Sawamura chuckles again before serving Kuroo a plate of delicious smelling food, his stomach growls in response.

 

“Dig in.”

 

“Thanks, Sawamura.” Kuroo replies before ripping into the food like a starved man. Sawamura smiles at him before putting his own food on a plate and joining him at the table. Kuroo scoffs down his food ravenously but stops when he notices Sawamura staring. His cheeks go pink as he realises just how poor his etiquette is. Sawamura snorts before letting out hearty laughter, making Kuroo’s cheeks redden further.

 

“Sorry.” He says after swallowing some food. Sawamura calms down and rests his chin in his palm.

 

“Honestly it’s fine, I thought you’d be hungry after you passed out like that last night.”

 

Kuroo smiles at him before he resumes eating, although at a much more suitable pace. Sawamura eats too, taking relish in his meal as he does so. It reminds Kuroo of the picture he saw of him earlier, he’s just as endearing as he was back then. They eat in silence, sparing each other glances here and there, only to look away once they catch each other’s eye. After he finishes his food, Kuroo thanks Sawamura for the meal and takes their plates to the sink to wash them.

 

“You don’t have to.” Sawamura starts but Kuroo won’t have it.

 

“No way, it’s the least I could do after everything you’ve done for me.”

 

“I’ve barely done anything.”

 

Kuroo looks back to him, looks back and sees the man calmly sitting at his table.

 

“You’ve done so much, last night...you..” Kuroo trails off as he turns back to the plate in his hand, last night brings up mixed feelings. Feelings that he’s not sure he’s ready to deal with.

 

“We don’t have to talk about it.” Sawamura says softly, his voice like a lullaby.

 

Kuroo nods as he continues washing the plates, his nerves washing away.

 

“We can talk about something else.” Sawamura says as he stands to begin drying the plates as Kuroo washes them. He stands close, their elbowsalmost touching each other.

 

“Like what?” Kuroo asks absentmindedly as he scrubs the other plate.

 

Sawamura thinks for a minute before shrugging casually.

 

“Like the fact that you’re screwing Asahi?”

 

Kuroo drops the already slippery plate into the soapy water in the sink and snaps his head towards Sawamura so fast he hears a crick in his neck.

 

“I— Wha— Asahi? Screw—What!?”

 

His words come out garbled and confused;  he’s struck completely dumb by Sawamura’s accusation. He gapes at the man who calmly shrugs his shoulders.

 

“I mean it’s pretty obvious.” Sawamura says as he picks up the dropped plate, rinses it off and begins to dry it.

 

“Obvious!? We aren’t—I’m not—Asahi—Me? Screwing!?”

 

Kuroo’s voice cracks at the end of sentence, his cheeks reddening as his brain tries to wrap itself around Sawamura’s words.

 

Sawamura just looks back at him, the perfect picture of calm, although his eyes look especially calculating as if he’s gauging the genuity of Kuroo’s reaction.

 

Kuroo takes a breath and steadies himself before replying.

 

“I have no clue where you’ve got this idea from but Asahi and I are _not_ screwing.”

 

“You’re sure?” Sawamura says with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Of course I’m sure! How did you even— What made you—”

 

“That’s just the way it looks,” Sawamura says, turning away from Kuroo to dry a pair of chopsticks. “I mean, you guys left the party within 10 mins of each other, and then after that you two only seem to be spending time with each other, going off to who knows where during your breaks and if you were just dating Asahi would have just said so but he’s so secretive about the two of you.” Sawamura shrugs again, but this time it seems forced. He seems...angry.

 

“That doesn’t mean we’re having sex!?” Kuroo says exasperated.

 

Sawamura doesn’t look at him, his hands still wiping the perfectly dry pair of chopsticks and it makes Kuroo feel like he’s hurt him somehow.

 

“Sawamura....why are you upset?” He can’t help but be confused by it all, by Sawamura’s sudden accusation; by his stubborn refusal of Kuroo’s denial.

 

“I’m not!” Sawamura huffs, “Asahi is one of my best friends, I’m just— I’m just mad he didn’t tell me anything about this! Whenever I bring it up, he just says you’re going to lunch but he makes that face that says he’s hiding something.”

 

“Sawamura, I swear to you Asahi and I aren’t...screwing. We just bonded over stuff and that’s it. We’re just friends.” Kuroo says softly, he leans towards Sawamura, hoping the man will look at him.

 

He gets his wish, as the shorter man regards him with a half-disbelieving, half-hopeful look on his face.

 

“..Really?”

 

“Really.”

 

Sawamura looks away again, putting the chopsticks back in their rightful place.

 

“What did you bond over then?” He asks, without looking back at Kuroo.

 

Kuroo opens his mouth to answer but stops himself, Asahi’s feelings for Sugawara aren’t his to discuss and he struggles to concoct a suitable lie to satisfy Sawamura.

 

Lady Luck is on his side today however, as before he can speak the doorbell rings.

 

Sawamura turns back in alert at the sound of it, following Adzuki who barks and bounds over to the front door. Kuroo breathes a sigh of relief as they go, finishing up his washing.

 

It’s not long after the bell rings that he hears the voices of two people who always make his heart lift. Without a second thought, he leaves the kitchen to greet them.

 

Bokuto and Kenma stand in Sawamura’s genkan, removing their shoes as they thank him. When they see Kuroo, there’s no need for words. They rush towards their sarcastic friend and wrap themselves on either of his sides, trapping him in a death grip hug. Most of the death grip comes from Bokuto but Kenma makes his best effort too.

 

“Guys, you’re gonna crush me.” Kuroo wheezes out.

 

Bokuto lets go but Kenma holds on for a bit longer, when he lets go he pauses for a second before punching his shoulder.

 

“Hey!”

 

“That’s for not picking up any of our calls.” Kenma says with a smirk.

 

Bokuto punches his other arm and with his beefiness it’s a lot more painful.

 

“And that’s for worrying us sick!” Bokuto adds with a grin.

 

“Okay, okay! I get it, I’m sorry!” Kuroo whines as he backs away from them.

 

“You wanna get in on this, Sawamura?” Bokuto asks, turning back to the man who stands in his genkan with his arms crossed and a smile on his face.

 

“I’m good, I think you’ve given him enough.” He says as he walks into further into his home.

 

They all move to his living room and sit on his couch, Sawamura goes to get drinks for his guests as Bokuto turns to face Kuroo.

 

“So,” he begins seriously, “What did she want?”

 

Kenma gets serious too, sitting up looking to his friend with renewed focus. Kuroo sighs as he goes through yesterday’s memories again.

 

“Nothing good as usual.”

 

Sawamura renters the room as Kuroo speaks, places the drinks down and moves to leave again before Kuroo stops him.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

Sawamura look back in surprise before responding in a tone of voice that makes his statement sound as if it’s obvious.

 

“I’m giving you guys space to talk.”

 

“Don’t go.” Kuroo says without thinking, “I trust you.”

 

Sawamura blinks before smiling at him, the look on his face does funny things to Kuroo and he looks away quickly. Sawamura takes a seat on an armchair opposite them.

 

“So..uh..she wants me to get married.”

 

“She what?” Kenma and Bokuto exclaim at the same time.

 

Kuroo sighs again before he goes into detail, telling them about her preposition, about her manipulation and about his grandfather. He doesn’t say anything about the slap as Kenma and Bokuto look murderous enough already. Sawamura listens attentively but silently, digesting the information as if he’s formulating a plan of action.

 

When Kuroo’s done, Kenma and Bokuto are livid.

 

“She’s literally _the devil_!” Bokuto barks in frustration, Kenma nods in agreement before snapping his eyes to Kuroo.

 

“Don’t think for a second that you’re taking her offer.”

 

“I don’t want to but—”

 

“But nothing!” Kenma shouts and it startles _everyone_ , even Adzuki who looks up from his little dog basket, his ears tilted down in fear. “You owe her nothing, Kuro. She’s an evil, manipulative sociopath who doesn’t know how to be a decent mother. You think selling yourself to her is going to stop the torment?”

 

Kenma’s words sting because they are the truth.

 

“But Grandpa—”

 

“Kuroo, do you think your grandpa would be happy with you going back to that family just so he can get better healthcare?” Bokuto chimes in with a look of seriousness on his face.

 

Kuroo sighs, he hears what they are saying but can’t help but feel that he needs to do this.

 

“I don’t know what your family is like,” Sawamura pipes up, his voice calm and steady, ways away from the emotionally driven voices of Bokuto and Kenma. “But I think you need to consider what the people who love you saying and more than that— consider what you truly want yourself.”

 

Kuroo looks at Sawamura, the heaviness in his heart easing as the man speaks. Sawamura looks back at him, his voice quieting with his next words.

 

“The way you looked last night...was the most broken I’ve ever seen a person. If you decide to go through with this arranged marriage, just think of what you’ll put yourself through. It will kill the people who love you to see you like that but more importantly, you don’t deserve to go through that, Kuroo.”

 

Sawamura’s words make him tear up, Kuroo turns his face away, towards the hallway with all the pictures of the man in his youth. No one speaks as his tears fall, but as he closes his eyes he feels the hands of his two best friends on him. Bokuto squeezes his shoulder, while Kenma places a hand on his back.

 

He takes a few deep breaths to steady his breathing, when he opens his eyes he sees Adzuki sitting in front of him, with a worn stuffed rabbit in his mouth. With his tail wagging softly, he pushes his nose towards Kuroo offering up the toy.

 

“He’s trying to comfort you with his favourite toy.” Sawamura says with affection in his voice.

 

Kuroo smiles down at dog before taking the rabbit from him carefully, stroking his dog’s head as he does so. Adzuki barks happily, the speed of his tail wagging increasing exponentially, the sight makes them all chuckle and it eases off some of the tension in the room.

 

But there’s still the issue of what to do about his mother, she’s crafty, which means she always has more cards to play.

 

“What am I going to do about her though?” Kuroo says, looking down at the rabbit toy in his hands and stroking its damp fur.

 

“We’ll think of something!” Bokuto says with zest as he squeezes Kuroo’s shoulder again.

 

“We will.” Kenma adds with his own solemn nod.

 

“Yeah..” Kuroo says unconvinced, he’s almost certain he’ll never escape her. For some reason he really wants to see Hana.

 

“She’s got ties to politics right?” Sawamura says suddenly, making them all turn their heads to him. He looks almost excited as if he’s figured something out.

 

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’ve got a few uncles or cousins in The Diet.” Kuroo replies slowly.

 

“Then I know how we put a stop to her.” Sawamura says with a sneaky grin.

 

“How?” They all ask at the same time, all on the edge of their seats; leaning closer to Sawamura in apprehension. His grin widens as he leans in too, his own craftiness on full display.

 

“Nothing ruins a politician or a political family quicker than scandal.”

* * *

 

Kuroo didn’t think, upon entering the bar again, that he’d be here under such circumstances. It’s a warm afternoon on a day when he should be at work but instead he’s here, trying to plot the downfall of his mother and his family.

 

“Over here you guys!” Oikawa calls, as Kuroo, Bokuto, Kenma and Sawamura make their way into the bar. When he sits at the stool, Kuroo is hit by a wave of deja vu and he thinks back to the last time he had a conversation with the bartender.

 

“So, I hear you are in need of my services.” Oikawa says with a smile that’s borderline sinister.

 

“Yep, we need your twisted mind.” Sawamura replies, as he greets Iwaizumi with a shoulder pat. The man snickers at his comment while Oikawa pouts.

 

“Rude, Dai-chan! I’ve opened up early just for you and this is the thanks I get?”

 

“You walked into that one.”  Iwaizumi says with another snicker but Oikawa ignores him, turning to Kuroo instead.

 

“So what can I do for you, Kuro-chan?” He says as he pours them each a glass of lemonade.

 

Kuroo takes a breath before speaking, he eyes Daichi who gives him a nod.

 

“I guess I need your help taking down my family?”

 

Oikawa’s eyes widen and Iwaizumi sits up from his slouched position on the bar stool.

 

“Woah.” They say simultaneously, giving Kuroo incredulous looks.

 

For the second time that day, Kuroo prepares to speaks the truth about his family and although he’s  apprehensive to do so he trusts Sawamura and by extension the people he trusts. Maybe it’s stupid, maybe it’s a bad idea to put so much faith in people he barely knows but as he thinks this he also thinks back to the night at the bar, to the amazing time he had here, to the familiarity and comfort he felt surrounded by good people.

 

With this in his mind and a silent prayer to whichever deity wants to listen, his spills his heart again. Oikawa and Iwaizumi listen, their faces contorting in disgust as he goes on, as he reveals his mother’s manipulation.

 

“God, what a witch.” Oikawa says his nose upturned in contempt. But he smiles and cocks his head back. “I’ll enjoy helping you crush her.”

 

“You really are a piece of shit,” Iwaizumi muses as he takes a sip of his drink but he grins too. “But for once I agree with you.” He turns to Kuroo and gives him a look of solidarity.

 

“She’s no mother, trust me when I say blood tie only mean so much, in this life you get to choose your family and they are the ones that truly matter.”  He intertwines his fingers with Oikawa and they share a look; the small gesture makes Kuroo’s chest feel light and his body warm, it almost feels like he’s intruding just by looking in on their moment. He thought he had noticed something between them that night but now confirms it; he’s in the presence of love.

 

“So what are we going to do about it?” Sawamura asks breaking their lover’s reverie.

 

Oikawa straightens before his face gets serious.

 

“From your words, she’s probably already a step ahead of us. We need dirt, a _lot_ of dirt.”

 

“How do we know she’s got any?” Kenma asks.

 

“All politicians have something to hide,” Iwaizumi replies, “And if not her, another member of the Shimozaki family.”

 

“I’m 100% sure my family’s dirty but they’re also calculated. My mother wouldn’t approach me if she thought at all that there’d be a way for me to bring her down.”

 

“Well, if that’s the case she’s underestimated you.” Sawamura says with a grin and a pat on the shoulder, actions that makes something erupt in Kuroo’s stomach, he realises suddenly that it’s the first time Sawamura has touched him since their time spent at the park. The realisation makes heat creep up his neck and he turns away from him to look at Oikawa again.

 

“You really think you can get dirt of them? The Shimozaki family is high up there.”

 

“No one is invincible, plus I know a guy.”

 

Iwaizumi groans and Oikawa nods in agreement with his sentiment.

 

“He’s a piece of work but he knows how to get the job done. If there’s dirt to be found, he’s the one who’ll find it.”

 

“How do I find him?” Kuroo inquires, it’s all a long shot but at this point he’s desperate.

 

“I’ll call him now.” Oikawa replies whipping out his phone, he taps on the screen for a few seconds before he places it on the bar top and presses a button for it to go on speaker.

 

A loud rambunctious voice passes through the bar, as a man sings off tune.

 

“What breaks with a crickety-crack? The human spirit of course~.” The man sings with joy in his voice.

 

“Must you sing every time I call you?” Oikawa says with disdain.

 

“Oh Tooru-kun, I know you love hearing my songs! What can I do for you on this wonderful afternoon~.”

 

“I’m calling in a favour.” Oikawa replies with some difficulty, the reason why is revealed as soon as the words leave his mouth. The man on the phone squawks in reply, poorly feigning surprise.

 

“ _The_ Oikawa Tooru, Mr. I Can Do It All Myself, is calling in a favour!? Colour me surprised!”

 

“It’s for a friend.” Oikawa grits out.

 

The man on the phone gasps, “You have friends?” He says incredulously. Iwaizumi snorts and Oikawa looks like he’s ready to throw his phone against a wall.

 

“Oh? Am I on speaker? Tooru-kun, you sly fox! I could have been doing something naughty.”

 

With an eye roll, Iwaizumi decides to address the man.

 

“Cut the shit, Tendou. Are you going to help us or not?”

 

The man goes quiet for a moment and they hear a tapping noise through the phone as if the man is strumming his fingers against a surface.

 

“What does this _friend_ of yours need?” Tendou asks, his voice only slightly more serious.

 

Oikawa looks to Kuroo and nods.

 

“I need you to find dirt on my family.” Kuroo replies, solemnly looking at the phone on the bar top.

 

“Ohohoho, is your friend sexy? He sounds sexy~.” Tendou replies the seriousness gone from his voice.

 

“Can you do it or not?” Oikawa growls.

 

“Of course I can, Tooru! Finding dirt is my specialty, I found you, didn’t I?”

 

The man cackles at his own joke, a harsh banging sound erupting from the phone’s speaker as if the man is repeatedly hitting a surface.

 

“Whew,” Tendou says with a sated sigh. “Getting back to business, what family am I digging up the dirty on?”

 

“The Shimozaki family.” Kuroo replies, making Tendou pause for a moment.

 

“Am I speaking to Kuroo Tetsurou?” Tendou asks, his voice a complete 180 from mere seconds ago. It sets everybody on edge, the cheer in his voice is completely stilled.

 

“Yes,” Kuroo says swallowing, “Why?”

 

“What a dilemma.” Tendou replies, the tapping from before starting up again. “I’ve recently been contacted by one Shimozaki Chiyo to investigate her estranged son.”

 

Kuroo’s heart sinks, it does more than sink, it plummets into the earth like a meteorite, all his hope dissipating like ice in a cup of water. His shoulders slump and he’s ready to accept defeat, of course, of course she’s sent someone on him, he was stupid to think anything less of her.

 

“Whatever she's offering you, we’ll pay double.” Kenma says firmly, his voice snapping Kuroo out of the clutches of despair.

 

“Triple!” Bokuto says, standing up in defiance, his gold owl eyes on the phone as if it were prey.

 

“Surely we can come to some sort of agreement.” Sawamura adds, his own face undeterred.

 

“Come on, Tendou,” Oikawa says, his voice ardent. “How long have I known you? You know I wouldn’t ask you for a favour if it wasn’t dire.”

 

“We need this.” Iwaizumi says, his own voice as intense as the rest.

 

Kuroo looks at all their faces, sees the determination on them, the fortitude, the intensity. Why? Why would they all go to such lengths for him? Why do they all care so much? His heart aches, it’s beating erratic, he feels too warm, like he’s being hugged by several of the penguins chicks all at once. His heart feels heavy and light at the same time.

 

 _He’s in the presence of love_.

 

“Please.” His own voice is hoarse as he pleads with the stranger on the phone. The stranger who perhaps holds his fate in his hands.

 

The man on the phone stays silent for a few moments as if weighing up the pros and cons of his decision.

 

“Hmmm~ I’ll do it if Iwaizumi asks me cutely!” Tendou replies, his voice back to its original buoyancy.

 

“Are you fucking serious?” Iwaizumi deadpans.

 

“Yep! Say ‘ _please Ten-chan, won’t you please help us! We need you~_.”

 

Iwaizumi gives the deepest sigh Kuroo’s ever heard before repeating the man’s words in a cutesy voice that makes even Oikawa wince.

 

“Mmmhmm, that was delicious!” Tendou says as a clicking sound is heard through the receiver. Iwaizumi's voice replays through the speaker, in it's high pitched cutesy glory and the man slaps a hand to his face at the sound of his own voice.

 

"I think I'll listen back to that whenever I need a little boost~." Tendou says with a hoot. "But okay! I'll bite! I'll dig up something good for you, Tetsurou-kun! Bye for now~."

 

The call ends abruptly with a click of the line disconnecting, Oikawa tsks as he picks up his phone.

 

"Still as irritating as ever." He says with his nose wrinkled. Iwaizumi grunts in agreement, still mortified from hearing his voice.

 

"Is that it?" Sawamura asks , looking to them both with deep concern. "How can we trust him?"

 

"Yeah, how do we know he's not going to go straight to her with our plan?" Bokuto says, his own brows furrowed in worry.

 

"If he was going to he wouldn't have said anything." Kenma says, trying to piece it all together in his head. "Think about it. What does he gain from telling us that he's been employed by the Shimozaki's? He could have just kept quiet and feed her information while feeding us lies."

 

"Who's to say he won't still do that?" Kuroo says quietly, he feels somewhere between at ease and on edge.

 

"Tendou can be a handful but he isn't a bad person." Oikawa says, his face serious. "He keeps his word."

 

"If that's the case, how do we know he won't keep his word to Shimozaki?" Sawamura asks.

 

"We don't. But it's strange that he's working for her in the first place, Tendou isn't the type to work for people in high positions." Iwaizumi replies, "Which means.."

 

He trails off and looks at Oikawa who thinks for a moment.

 

"Which means?" The rest of them repeat, all curious as to what they could be insinuating.

 

"It's probably a hustle." Oikawa says, with a grin. "Tendou works on the fringe, the only time he takes on such clients is when the pay off is bigger than they intend to pay."

 

"So he's playing her?" Kenma asks, raising an eyebrow.

 

"Most likely." Oikawa replies with a shrug. "I don't know what goes on in that creep's head but I know he plays a calculated game. His predictions are scarily accurate, it's like he's reading your mind or something."

 

"Wait, how will we pay him?" Kuroo says, remembering that the work won't come cheap. But Oikawa waves him off.

 

"It's a personal favour so no pay off, Tendou is good like that."

 

"You don't have to...why would you go so far for me?" Kuroo says, he's looking at Oikawa but he's addressing the whole room. "None of you have to do any of this...I don't—"

 

"Shut up, Kuroo." Bokuto and Kenma say at the same time. He looks at his best friends who just smile back at him, Bokuto punches his shoulder again and it makes him wheeze; Oikawa laughs.

 

“You have people who care about you, that can never be a bad thing. Don’t question it, be grateful for it.” Iwaizumi says to him with authority in his voice, it reminds Kuroo of something his father would say.

 

"You're a popular guy, Kuro-chan." Oikawa adds with a wink.

 

"I guess so." Kuroo says rubbing his shoulder.

 

"Besides, a _friend_ of Daichi’s is a friend of mine." Oikawa says with a twinkle in his eye, Kuroo feels Sawamura stiffen beside him and gives the man a curious look but he avoids his eye.

 

"Stop it." Iwaizumi says, giving Oikawa a look of warning, but the man just laughs to himself before clapping his hands.

 

"With that out of the way, I ask for you all to please get out!” Oikawa says joyfully with a scooting motion. “I have to prepare to open now and this place needs a good clean.”

 

With warm goodbyes and a promise to have another night like the one they did before, the four of them leave the bar, their spirits brighter than when they entered.

 

As they walk to Bokuto’s car and shuffle in, Kuroo releases a sigh, it’s like a weight has been lifted from shoulders but there’s still uncertainty swimming in his gut.

 

“What do we do now?” He asks no one in particular, tiredness washes over him so he closes his eyes for just a second.

 

“We wait.” Someone says, it’s a deep voice so it’s not Kenma, maybe Sawamura?

 

They continue speaking and someone else says something in response but Kuroo is too far gone, sleep embraces him and the last thing he remembers is the sound of someone saying his name.

* * *

 

When he wakes up, he’s in his own bed.

 

It’s just past 2 in the morning. Hungry, Kuroo gets up from bed, groggily stumbling around in the dark; he makes his through his living room and into his kitchen. When he enters, he flicks on the light but jumps when the action elicits a groan from behind him.

 

He turns around to see Sawamura sitting up on his couch, the man’s eyes are heavy with sleep but when they look at him they’re warm.

 

“Hey, you’re finally up.” Sawamura says, his voice deeper than usual. “What time is it?”

 

“Sawamura? W-what are you—why?”

 

Maybe it’s the sleepiness that has him stumbling over his words, or maybe it’s the fact that Sawamura is wearing a t-shirt that looks suspiciously like one of his own and is stretched tight over the man’s chest not unlike his wetsuit.

 

Sawamura sits up completely and rubs his eyes.

 

“We didn’t think it would be good to leave you alone, so tonight’s my shift watching you.” Sawamura says in between yawning.

 

“You don’t—”

 

But Sawamura puts up a hand to silence him.

 

“It’s already happening. Remember what Iwaizumi said? Just accept it.”

 

Sawamura gives him a grin and a thumbs up, Kuroo gives a small smile in return; his eyes flickering over the man’s torso again. Sawamura notices and his own eyes follow.

 

“Sorry, it rained earlier and my clothes got soaked. I tried to use the biggest shirt I could find, I’ll wash it and give it back.”

 

“No, no. It’s fine— i-it suits you! The colour, I mean. It seems a little..er..snug.”

 

Even though his face is only barely visible through the light of Kuroo’s kitchen, Sawamura manages to perfectly articulate his irritation with a quiver of his brow and the sharpening of his eyes.

 

“Are you calling me fat?”

 

Kuroo lifts his hands in defence quickly, “No, no, no! I didn’t mean it like tha—”

 

Sawamura chuckles lowly, his voice coarse with sleep. The sound makes something run down Kuroo’s back and he unconsciously clenches and unclenches his toes.

 

“I’m just messing with you. But enough talk, go get something to eat, there are rice balls on your kitchen counter.”

 

Kuroo looks back and sure enough there’s a plate full of evenly shaped rice balls covered lightly with cling film.

 

“Sawamura, you really didn’t—”

 

He looks back to the man who gives him a look and with a light sigh, he raises his hands in defeat.

 

“Okay, okay. Accept the love, got it.”

 

Sawamura gives him another lazy thumbs up before lying back down on the couch, Kuroo goes back into his kitchen, heats the prepared food in his microwave and grabs a bottle of water from his fridge. As the seconds count down on the microwave, he closes his eyes and mulls over the day he’s had. So lost in his thoughts he is, that he’s completely unaware of the eyes that follow him as he moves across his kitchen. He doesn’t even hear the ding of his microwave, his head still piecing together the last 24 hours: waking up in Sawamura’s bed, the talk in his kitchen, the talk with him, Bokuto and Kenma, at the bar with Oikawa and Iwaizumi, the stranger on the phone. What should he do now? He still has two weeks till he has to see her again, will he still even have to meet her? What if Tendou fails? What if—

 

“Are you going to stand here all night?”

 

If Kuroo was a bit more awake, he probably would have screamed but in his sleepy, mind-muddled state the most he can do is gasp and jolt at the sound of Sawamura’s voice so close. He clutches his heart as his head snaps towards the man who stands beside him with a cheeky glint in his eyes and the beginnings of a smile on his lips.

 

“That was cruel, Sawamura.”

 

His smile blossoms till his dimple pulls in his cheek.

 

“I know but I couldn’t help myself, I did call you twice.”

 

Kuroo gives him a mock glare and takes the plate, now pleasantly warm out of the microwave.

 

“Whatever you’re overthinking about, stop it.” Sawamura says in a voice that holds strength and authority. “You’ve done enough of that already. Just eat and go back to sleep.”

 

Kuroo looks at him and nods slowly, he doesn’t know how we got lucky enough to get people who care so much about him but he silently thanks whoever is listening.

 

“Thank you, Sawamura. For all of this, you’ve—“

 

“Enough.” The man says with affection in his voice, though he looks embarrassed. “I get it already.”

 

“Do you though? It means a lot, what everyone—what you’ve done for me.”

 

Sawamura shrugs as he rubs his nose.

 

“You’re so irritating it’s honestly surprising how endearing you actually are.”

 

“We were just having a moment and you ruined it.”

 

Sawamura chuckles again and it makes Kuroo feel warmer than the plate in his hands.

 

“But I get it. I know it’s hard to accept people’s love and support.” Sawamura takes a breath. “Especially when you reach a point where you don’t think you deserve it, but accepting it is so much better than fighting or questioning it.”

 

He looks at Kuroo with his eyes determined and serious.

 

“You are loved, Kuroo.”

 

 _Loved_.

 

The word plays in his mind like a record, he stores it away, somewhere in the back of his heart, safe, where no one can reach it or take it away from him.

 

“Loved..” The words feels good on his lips. He smiles, his whole body feels...feels..alight. He doesn’t realise he’s crying until he feels Sawamura’s fingers graze the skin beneath his eyes; wiping away the tears. Unconsciously, Kuroo folds into the touch; his face pressing against Sawamura’s hand till it’s cupping his cheek like something precious. He closes his eyes and just lets himself breathe for a moment; Sawamura’s fingers stroking his face.

 

How minutes do they stay like that? Time itself becomes suspended on a string, held on to by the rise and fall of their chests as they breathe in and out. When Kuroo opens his eyes, they lock with brown as Sawamura removes his hand from his cheek. As its warmth leaves his face, Kuroo has to stop himself from following it.

 

Sawamura looks like he wants to say something but he bites his tongue and frowns down at a random tile on Kuroo’s kitchen floor. He moves away and out of the kitchen, with Kuroo following carefully behind him. When he stops to get back on the couch, Kuroo watches him. They meet each other’s eye but don’t say anything.

 

Something unsaid passes between them, something akin to understanding, something like a quiet awakening. There’s a shift, one that was set in motion the moment Sawamura found him on that park swing, one that may have been in motion earlier than they both realise.

 

When they eventually look away from each other, Kuroo moves to his bedroom door, he feels Sawamura’s eyes still on him and maybe that emboldens him slightly.

 

“Goodnight, _Daichi_.”

 

There’s the slightest intake of breath, so quiet Kuroo isn’t sure if he actually heard it. But then, as his hand touches the handle to close his door, he hears a calm whisper.

 

“Goodnight, _Tetsurou_.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh? What is this?....A-are they making progress?? Is this slow burn becoming a light simmer????? Is the plot thickening?? ARE WE REACHING THE ENDGAME!?!? Your answer is as good as mine, beloved reader. It’s all up on the air right now, I have no idea where this is going.......or do I ʕ✧ᴥ✧ʔ ? Mwahahahaha, oh the power! This fic is so much darn fun, I almost never want to end it, but all good things must come to an end, friends. But the end is not yet! So let us continue to enjoy !! Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think ʕ๑•ᴥ•๑ʔ ♡♡
> 
> p.s Tendou is my baby, I love him so much if you have any mean words for him leave this fic right now, I will legit fight ٩(๑`^´๑)۶
> 
> p.p.s I read a really great post on tumblr about interaction with fics and I really agree, if you are reading a fic and you really enjoy it: let the author know! Don’t be a stranger! Lurking is not enough! A comment is a place for you to leave a review of the chapter and the story as a whole. Kudos are nice but actual human interaction can never be replaced, do you know how mind blown I am when people legit pull out paragraphs of mine that they especially loved and tell me as much?? It makes me weep. A comment like “I really like this, update soon” offers nothing for the author, it’s sweet sure but it’s like eating a meal someone has cooked for you and saying more please the second you’ve finished, no thanks, no comments on the food just more. Please think about the people writing the fics you are enjoying in bed, on the train, after a long day etc. We are human beings not machines who vomit out words on to a Google Document. Thanks for listening and I hope you take this as a call to leave better more constructive and loving comments on any and all fanfics you read ♡ ♡ ♡
> 
> p.p.p.s the above message doesn’t apply to the wonderful people who leave me delicious comments that feed my soul, just those who have maybe thought about leaving a comment but decided against it ♡


	10. walking on eggshells

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been two months and if I didn't upload today, I am 100% sure I would have left it for two more, so without further ado here's the next chapter ♡♡:

His lips are soft.

 

But deliberate with their intent.

 

The way he runs his fingers through the hair at the base of his neck is soothing. It’s not like this is his first kiss, but it’s new in a way; there’s a safety that he’s never had before. He can no longer deny the spark between them; no longer doubt himself or misinterpret his words or actions.

 

When they break apart, he stares into warm brown eyes that crinkle when they meet his own.

 

“God, I’ve wanted to do that for ages.”

 

“O-oh?”

 

Terushima sputters at Asahi's shaky reply before he breaks out into full-blown laughter. He clutches his stomach as Asahi watches him with his cheeks getting pink.

 

“I'm sorry! It’s just I used to think you were this sex machine but you’re just a big teddy bear. It’s so fucking cute!”

 

Asahi smiles, _Big teddy bear_ , he can’t deny that, not that he would want to. Of all the things people have called him in his life (Yakuza, monk etc.) it’s definitely the nicest and best-natured.

 

“Thank you.” He says, still a little breathy after their kiss as he scratches the back of his neck self-consciously “I w-wanted to kiss you too.”

 

Terushima smiles back; there’s a sparkle in his eye that has Asahi’s stomach fluttering.

 

“Yeah?” He almost seems a little bashful, but then his smile turns licentious. “What _else_ do you want to do to me?”

 

Asahi’s face explodes with heat as he begins stuttering out denial, “N-no I wasn’t—I’m not—”

 

Terushima cackles all the more, finding absolute delight in his embarrassment. While Asahi regains his composure, Terushima gets a little closer and threads their fingers together. They’re standing outside of Asahi's apartment; in front of his door and after the night they've spent together, full of laughs and good food, Terushima is feeling a little bold.

 

“Sorry, I just really like teasing you.”

 

“I’ve been told I’m an easy target.” Asahi replies with a sigh. He looks down at their fingers and finds himself okay with the way they are laced.

 

“Nah, not a target more like a _magnet_ . You kinda just _attract_ teasing because you’re fucking adorable. And what can I say? I am _very_ attracted to you.” Terushima’s licentious look is back but he softens it when he too looks down to their fingers; he almost seems unsure of himself.

 

“Hey, I really had fun tonight. And I really hope you did too.”

 

“I did.” Asahi replies softly. “I really did.”

 

Terushima squeezes his fingers and takes a breath before speaking. “So...you wanna maybe do this again sometime?”

 

When Terushima looks up his eyes are nervous but hopeful; it’s endearing to see such a ball of energy so meek. Asahi wants to say yes but the part of himself that he tries to ignore speaks up. It tells him to think of Suga; tells him that his heart belongs to someone else so he should cut it off now. But the other part of himself that knows the truth, the rational, intelligent part of himself knows that he should have given up on Suga years ago; knows that he actually likes Terushima and is interested in seeing where this _thing_ between them could lead. 

 

But still, he's hesitant.

 

Terushima sees the conflict on Asahi’s face and loosens his grip on his fingers; he looks like a kicked puppy but does his best to hide it quickly with a fake grin.

 

“Or not! That’s totally fine too! Just friends is good!”

 

He makes to take his hands away from Asahi’s completely in an attempt to save face but his words and expression snap Asahi out of his internal battle before his fingers completely let go. The manic young man in front of him is a breath of fresh air; a change that he probably needs and the part of himself that wants the best for him, tells Asahi to go for it, tells him to break free from holding himself back.

 

Asahi grips them tightly, desperately even. “No, I do! I do want to do this again with you!”

 

Terushima goes pink, it’s a good colour in him. Asahi isn’t prone to outbursts but Terushima makes him want to be a bit more expressive .

 

“Ah– I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to raise my voice like that. Did I hurt your fingers?” Asahi’s softness returns as he lessens his grip on Terushima’s fingers and looks from them to the young man’s face. Terushima blinks a few times before shaking his head slowly.

 

“No….actually that was really fucking hot.” He says, almost in disbelief. 

 

Asahi pinkens himself before smiling at Terushima’s almost lovestruck look. 

 

“I do want to go with you again.” Asahi says slowly, carefully picking his words. “It’s just that I'm new to dating, I don’t have that much experience.”

 

He doesn’t want to bring up Suga, doesn’t want to scare Terushima off, so he finds a different way to articulate his hesitancy. 

 

Terushima smiles as he squeezes Asahi’s fingers again.

 

“Me neither. I guess this is new for the both of us.”

 

“Really? I find it hard to believe you don’t have dating experience.”

 

Terushima makes to say something but bites his lip and thinks better of it.

 

“I guess you could say I’ve never really been the _dating_ type.”

 

He looks at Asahi directly and his bashfulness is back, it makes him look younger, like a teenager. 

 

“But I don’t mind trying to be, if it’s with _you_.”

 

Asahi’s eyes widen before he smiles again. 

 

But this smile is different from all the others he’s given today.

 

Daichi calls it his dopey smile; the one he makes when he’s really happy. He thinks he looks dumb but Terushima beams at him in response.

 

“We’ll take this slow.” Asahi says, Terushima nods as his face lifts with joy.

 

“Yeah, sounds good!”

 

They stare at each other for a while longer before they share a nervous laugh. The air between them speaks of new beginnings, new feelings, new experiences. After a bit, Terushima lets go of Asahi’s fingers before shuffling back a bit. 

 

“I guess I should head back now.” He says looking at Asahi with tender eyes.

 

“Yeah, I’ll—I’ll text you.”

 

Terushima bites his lip again before quickly pressing another kiss to Asahi’s lips. It’s a quick little peck, cheeky and full of unbridled excitement.

 

“Sorry, couldn’t help myself.” He says, sticking out his pierced tongue like an unapologetic child. Asahi chuckles and watches him as he makes his way to the elevator and keeps watching till the doors close.

 

There are butterflies in his stomach; his dopey smile is still on his face and he feels lighter than he has in a long time. As he takes his keys out of his pocket and opens his apartment door, Kuroo’s words reply through his mind.

 

_“Don’t you think you’ve punished yourself enough.”_

 

“I have. I really have.” Asahi says to no one and as he makes his way to bed after his evening with Terushima, a small part of him prays that his days of punishment are over.

* * *

 

The morning after the moment they had in Kuroo’s kitchen, things between Kuroo and Sawamura take a step in a new direction. When he wakes up and leaves him bedroom to shower, seeing Sawamura asleep on his couch is a sight that he finds himself wanting to get used to. When he comes out of the shower, seeing Sawamura sitting up, sleepily still wrapped in his covers is another sight he takes to heart. 

 

It’s like walking on eggshells but they feel like feathers.

 

It’s hesitancy and excitement but also weird combination of calm and uncertainty.

 

It’s like they’re following each other through a maze without trying to let the other know. 

 

He wants to make a cheeky quip about his bed head but when Sawamura’s sleepy eyes rove over his body he feels heat and can barely muster up a stuttered version of “Good morning.” Sawamura takes his eyes off Kuroo quickly and sits up a bit straighter before replying with a shaky, sleep-heavy greeting of his own.

 

“Feel free to use the shower.” He says as he shuffles to his bedroom, feeling Sawamura's eye's on his back. When closes his door behind him, he leans on it and takes a breath. He feels nervous, feels like he's run a marathon. But there's no reason for his heart to be racing so fast, no reason for him to be so shaken up so early in the morning.

 

_"Goodnight, Tetsurou."_

 

Something about hearing Sawamura say his name is exhilarating. The way he said it; it almost didn't sound like his name but it did because it was. It doesn't make any sense, it's dumb how alive Kuroo feels all of a sudden. As he gets dressed he chalks it all down to the tirade of emotions he's been feeling recently, his family drama and all of that. His emotions must be running high due to it, that's the only explanation.

 

A stray thought passes Kuroo's head; one that he cuts off before it can fully form.

 

Once he's done, he leaves his room to make breakfast, from the sound of water running it's safe to say Sawamura is in the shower. Entering his kitchen, he looks over his limited food and makes a mental note to go to the supermarket soon but now he focuses on cooking with the scrapes he does have. He pulls out some instant noodles, eggs, bacon and spring onion. He chops the spring onion carefully, his mind remembering the way Sawamura did the same thing and the memory plays in his head as he continues going around his kitchen, pulling spices from his cupboard  as well as pots and pans.

 

When he hears the shower water shut off, something akin to electricity races up his spine. The feeling is back; the light-headed, heedy, whimsical feeling that he felt last night. The feeling that made it hard for him to close his eyes and sleep, the feeling that kept making him turn over to stare at his door, thinking of Sawamura who lay behind it, thinking of him lying there on his couch. What's more, as he stands in his kitchen he thinks about his face in Sawamura's hands, thinks about how they stood so close, right here for what felt like an eternity.

 

The thought runs through his head again, forming a little further this time before Kuroo cuts it off again.

 

It's heightened emotion. It's the high of feeling like he can finally fight and be free of his family.

 

That's all, it's _nothing_ else.

 

"Um, could I grab my clothes?" Sawamura asks from behind him and when Kuroo looks back at him, it dawns on him that he really didn't pick out a towel long enough. Water drips from Sawamura's body in no different a fashion the way it would when he is in the pool with his dolphins but completely _different_ from how Kuroo is used to seeing him. His wet hair is plastered to his forehead and Kuroo watches as a droplet runs down his cheek, down his neck and further still down from his right pectoral. When he realises what he's doing he snaps his head back up to Daichi's face. He isn't looking at him, his cheeks pink, probably from the heat of his shower. 

 

"My clothes?" He repeats, still not looking at Kuroo. "I put them in your dryer yesterday but I forgot to take them out."

 

"Y-yeah, go ahead." 

 

Sawamura moves into the kitchen as Kuroo turns back to his cooking, the eggs are boiling as he cooks the ramen. They don't speak as Daich grabs his clothes but as he leaves the kitchen he stops for a minute.

 

"Smells good."

 

Kuroo looks back at him with a smile, "Tastes even better."

 

Sawamura doesn't answer but hums, making his way back to the bathroom to change.

 

Kuroo takes a breath as he continues cooking, cutting the bacon rashers before adding them to a pan with a little oil. He adds the seasoning packet to the ramen and stirs it together as it’s cooking time comes to an end. As he plates their food, Sawamura renters the kitchen.

 

“Need any help?” 

 

“You want to set the table?” Kuroo replies, as he finishes frying the bacon.

 

“Sure..what table though?” Sawamura says as he looks around the kitchen.

 

“Oh. Hold on.” Kuroo switches off the hob and moves to a counter on Sawamura’s right, he reaches under it as his guest watches in wonder. Pulling out the extension that makes it a table for two, he sets it out for them.

 

“Nifty.” Sawamura says impressed, he then moves to the stove and plates the bacon on top of the ramen in their bowls.

 

“Yeah, I don’t use it often though. I usually just eat on my couch.”

 

“Very healthy.” Sawamura teases, as he cracks the shells of their boiled eggs.

 

“Hey, morning cartoons make food taste better.” Kuroo says as he quickly side steps out of his kitchen to reach the broom cupboard that has his foldable stools. He hears Sawamura laugh and the sound runs through him like a summer’s breeze.

 

He enters the kitchen again as Sawamura places their food on the countertop table. Kuroo gets them cutlery after setting up the stools while Sawamura watches him.

 

“What’s up?” He says as he passes the man a pair of chopsticks.

 

“Nothing, I just didn’t know _you_ cooked. I thought your local 7/11 made great meals?”

 

Kuroo smiless, his eyes crinkling with mirth. “That it does, but I have a guest so I’ve gotta pull out all the stops.”

 

Sawamura smiles back at him as he picks up some ramen to eat. He enjoys it thoroughly, if his slurping is any indication. It draws Kuroo back to the time they went to a ramen shop during lunch at work; when his cheeks were puffed like a chipmunk.

 

The memory makes Kuroo let out a laugh that he tries to stifle as he sits down opposite Sawamura. The man in question goes red, quickly swallowing down his food to question him.

 

“What!?” He looks embarrassed and irritated, much like he did that day. “It’s good food!”

 

“It’s nothing, I’m sorry.” Kuroo says but as he looks at Sawamura’s face again he’s pulled back into the memory and the laugh that comes out this time he can’t stifle.

 

Sawamura tries to kicks him under the table but anticipating it Kuroo moves his leg out of the way. It makes Kuroo laugh all the more and despite his irritation, there’s a smile on Sawamura’s face. Kuroo’s cackle is infectious and despite himself Sawamura is pulled into it and releases a few chuckles.

 

“Shut up.” He says though he’s still laughing. “Really, we’re going to be late for work.”

 

“I hear you, I hear you.” Kuroo says as he calms down and begins to eat his food. They eat their meal in relative silence but when they look up from their food to each other; there is a distinct feeling of _something_ between them. There’s excitement in Sawamura’s eyes and something else Kuroo can’t decipher.

 

But before Kuroo can spend too much time trying to read the constellations in his eyes, Sawamura snaps his eyes away and focuses on his food.

 

The feeling cuts off and Kuroo too focuses on his meal with the slightest bit of disappointment swimming in his gut.

 

They soon finish eating and Kuroo moves to take their plates to the sink, Sawamura joins him as he begins washing them. 

 

“Thank you for the meal, it was really good.” Sawamura says.

 

“Hey, no worries. It’s the least I could do. Doesn’t measure up to the gourmet meal you made me yesterday.”

 

Sawamura scoffs as he makes to dry the bowls as Kuroo starts on the chopsticks. It’s a mirror image of them just a day ago but completely different. Yesterday, they tiptoed into each other’s space and made steps in a new direction for their relationship, but with last night and right now they've completed moved beyond those small steps. What they've moved to however, they don't know.  If they try to put a name to it there’s a chance it will dissipate all together so they both keep quiet, both unsure of where the sudden tension between them came from.

 

“Look—”

 

“I—”

 

Their voices crash into one another as they look at each other in surprise.

 

“You go first.”

 

“No, you.” 

 

“No really, go ahead.” Kuroo says, “I’m not even sure what I want to say.”

 

“Me neither.” Sawamura replies, as he places the chopsticks down but he doesn't let go of them. Kuroo looks at him, waiting for him to speak; he has something to say but he's holding back, Kuroo knows it.

 

"What is it?" Kuroo asks as he puts off the water, "You can say it...Daichi."

 

But as soon as Sawamura looks at him and opens his mouth to speak, Kuroo's phone goes off. They both turn back to look at it; both wishing it would just go off but know that it won’t.

 

“You should probably answer that.” Sawamura says, turning away. 

 

Kuroo wants to ignore it but relents and shakes the water off his hands, he picks up a hand towel and dries his hands off quickly before picking up his phone.

 

“Good morning, Tetsurou. You’re coming in today, aren’t you?”

 

Kuroo smiles at the sound of voice on the phone, Yasufumi Nekomata, the eccentric old man who owns Haruichi Zoo, is a man who smiles like he hasn’t got a care in the world. The old man is good friends with his grandfather and Kuroo has known him since he was a young boy, even after well over a decade of knowing him, the man is full of vitality and humour.

 

“Yes sir, I’ll be in soon.”

 

“Good, good! You’ll come see me, won't you?”

 

“Of course sir.”

 

“Good, good! I’ll see you then, boy!”

 

“I’ll see you soon, sir.”

 

When he drops the phone, Kuroo turns to see that Sawamura has finished washing up and is drying his hands.

 

“Shall we go?” He says without looking at Kuroo, instead walking around him to exit the kitchen. Blinking in confusion at his abrupt exit, Kuroo follows him, snatching up his keys and wallet from the counter. Sawamura is standing by his door, still not looking at him. 

 

"Dai—"

 

"We're going to be late...Kuroo." 

 

Hearing his last name makes Kuroo stop. It hurts; it's a small thing; maybe Sawamura iss just uncomfortable by it, maybe it's just a slip of the tongue as he isn't used to saying Kuroo's name but still it feels so cold, so detached from the mood between them mere moments ago that Kuroo isn't sure how to respond.

 

"Okay," His voice off, none of the mirth that it adopted during their breakfast. "Let's go, Sawamura." 

 

At the sound of his own last name, Sawamura's shoulders drop which doesn't make any sense but Kuroo doesn't let himself  think on it, he opens his front door and exits his apartment, holding it open for Sawamura before locking it. They make their way to the elevator down the hall in silence; they ride the elevator in silence and when they leave the building and get into Sawamura's car, they ride in silence.

 

It's stifling.

 

And Kuroo can't think of what he did wrong, he tries to run over the morning in his head but can't find any reason for the sudden shift. Yes, there was something they both wanted to say to the other but Kuroo was being honest when he said he didn't actually _know_ what he wanted to say. He just felt the need to speak, he felt like he had something important to say; something that Sawamura needed to hear but with the phone call and Sawamura's subsequent shutdown, the important thing has left him completely. He stares out of the window as Sawamura drives; trying to piece back together the words he had been trying to express. But his mind wanders elsewhere, replaying their moment in the kitchen last night, Sawamura's hand on his cheek, his fingers as they wiped away his tears for the second time, his eyes as they looked up at him full of compassion, care and the slightest bit of desire.

 

_Desire?_

 

Kuroo shots down the trail of thought before it can take off any further. No, it wasn't desire, his mind is confusing memories and playing him for a fool, his emotions are still unstable and he didn't sleep well last night due to his nap earlier on in the day. Sawamura was just being a good friend, supportive and kind.

 

But the scene plays again in his head, he sees Sawamura's face; sees how much he wants to say something, sees how much he is holding himself back. His mind skips ahead to their time in his kitchen this morning, Sawamura's pink cheeks as he asked for his clothes, his smile as he kicked at Kuroo, his eyes once again as he was about to say what was on his mind. What was on his mind? What was he going to say?

 

"We're here." Sawamura pulls him from his thoughts, turning off the car's engine and undoing his seatbelt. They are in the Zoo's employee parking lot, Kuroo doesn't come here often as he doesn't drive, but it's familiar from the times Kenma has given him a lift. 

 

Kuroo looks at Sawamura who still won't meet his eye and sighs, whatever his mind is trying to insinuate is clearly wrong as Sawamura seems to want nothing to do with him right now, he undoes his own seatbelt and reaches for the handle of the door. The air between them is heavy; a world away from earlier, so much so the brief thought of the entire morning being a daydream passes through Kuroo's head. He doesn't know what to say, what can he say? He doesn't even know what he did wrong.

 

"I'm sorry." Kuroo says without thinking, he wants to say more but he can't think of anything but an apology. "I'm not sure what I did wrong but I'm sorry."

 

Sawamura stiffens the second the words leave his mouth but he doesn't say anything. So without looking back to him, Kuroo opens the door and gets out of the car. He walks towards the Zoo's employee entrance, forcing himself to continue forward without a glance behind him. If he had, he would have seen the tears in Sawamura's eyes, would have seen him crumble as he laid his head down on his driving wheel and cried. 

* * *

Hana is delighted to see Kuroo.

 

All the penguins are but Hana most especially.

 

They swarm him like he's been gone for years when it's only been a day. Hana fights her hardest, pushing to the front of the herd of other chicks and Adélies that are welcoming Kuroo back to the Zoo. She pushes past Momo and squawks at the top of her voice, flapping her wings in an attempt to get Kuroo's attention on her.

 

She gets her wish as Kuroo bends down quickly to scoop her up into his arms, chuckling as he does so. Her enthusiasm and joy fill him with a sense of ease just like it always does. His feelings of the morning dissipate as she ruffles her feathers and nudges her beak against his palm. 

 

"She really missed you, Kuroo!" Bokuto skips up to them with two chicks in his arms and a feeding bottle in his right hand, with a wide grin he squats down and lets the chicks down to join their siblings. When he stands back up he pats Kuroo on the shoulder and squeezes.

 

"We all did."

 

Kuroo chuckles, "Stop Bo, you're making me blush." 

 

Bokuto guffaws as he rubs the head of the old King as he plops himself in front of him. He looks up at Kuroo and gives him a look as he continues to pet the sleepy old penguin.

 

"You alright, Kuroo?" 

 

"Hmm? I'm fine."

 

Bokuto frowns as he stands back up, "With everything that's happened in the last two days, do you really think it's wise to keep your feelings to yourself?"

 

Kuroo just gaps at him. "Since when do _you_ use terms like 'it's wise'?"

 

His best friend grins, "Akaashi says it a lot! But seriously Kuroo, tell me what's wrong." With a sigh, Kuroo takes in Bokuto's wide, imploring owl eyes before telling him everything about the night before and the morning with Sawamura. He speaks as he goes about his keeper duties, more talking to himself than he is Bokuto, who in turn doesn't speak but just listens. The more he talks, the more it dawns on Kuroo how none of it makes any sense. 

 

Why would Sawamura suddenly go cold on him like that?

 

What could he have done wrong in the span of one short phone call?

 

Why wouldn't he look at him?

 

What did he have to say?

 

"I don't know what I did, I don't know where I went wrong. Last night—“

 

A pained squawk from Hana snaps Kuroo out of his mind as she pecks at his hand. He had been weighing her but his fingers had been squeezing her wing far too hard and far too long. Not caring about the pain from her peck, Kuroo strokes her feathers and head to placate her. Bokuto doesn't say anything but calls over for Inuoka and Fukunaga to head over to them and when they do, he takes Kuroo by the hand and makes for the exit of their exhibit.

 

"We'll be back in a second! I just gotta patch up Kuroo real quick!"

 

They head to the changing rooms where Bokuto reaches for their first aid kit before motioning for Kuroo to sit.

 

"Okay Bo, you're creeping me out. What is it?" 

 

Bokuto doesn't respond just focuses on cleaning the small wound from Hana's peck, a wound that Kuroo didn't notice had started bleeding. With his tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration, Kuroo just watches with all the affection he has for his foolish friend as he applies disinfectant and dresses the wound.

 

"That's way too much gauze, Bo." He says softly. Bokuto smiles but doesn't say anything till he finishes and sits on the bench beside him. 

 

"You're really smart, Kuroo. I mean you've always been really smart. But with things like this you're really dumb."

 

Kuroo scoffs, "Things like what? Dressing a wound?"

 

Bokuto shakes his head, "No, your emotions." He looks at Kuroo his eyes serious and his expression dead set, "You try to be really rational and smart and scientific and you stop yourself from feeling. You've done it forever."

 

Kuroo is lost.

 

"What? Bo, where is this coming from? I don't get—"

 

"I can't speak for Sawamura but I know you Kuroo, and I know that you shake thoughts away when they scare you. You shake them away and avoid them, like how you avoided us for awhile."

 

Guilt climbs up his throat, Bokuto sees it on his face and back peddles, his serious expression waning for a moment.

 

"Ah! I didn't mean it like that! It's just me and Kenma were talking yesterday, we spoke a lot." Bokuto looks away, his eyes on a random locker as he speaks. "We just want to protect you, Kuroo. We want to try to understand what you are going through and try to help as much as we can."

 

"I'm lucky to have you guys."

 

Bokuto beams, "Nah, it's us who are lucky." He regains his serious expression as he chooses his next words carefully.

 

"We were talking and Kenma said something that really stayed with me. He said you react badly to love because you don't think you deserve it."

 

"I—What?"

 

Bokuto looks at him again, "I didn't want to say anything because I wanted you to figure it out yourself. But I feel like it will take forever with you."

 

"Bokuto, I am _completely_ lost right now. What are you talking about? What does _love_ have to do with any—"

 

"Kuroo, you're in love. You're in love with Sawamura." 

 

They sit in silence for a minute, Kuroo just looks at Bokuto like he's just spoken fluent Russian while the silver-haired man just looks back at him with all the seriousness he doesn't usually have. Kuroo opens his mouth to speak, to completely deny Bokuto's statement but as he does so image after image; memory after memory flood his mind, his senses, his very being.

 

The sound of Sawamura's laughter when he first saw him, his smile.

 

The flirting as they looked for the runaway penguins.

 

The teasing he couldn't help but do whenever Sawamura was around him. 

 

The rush he felt when Sawamura complimented his outfit at the party.

 

The hollow emptiness he felt as he watched him lifting Sugawara at the party.

 

The feeling of being in his arms and of his hands wiping away his tears.

 

The warmth he felt being in Sawamura's home and how at ease he was in his kitchen.

 

The way he looked at him with those brown eyes as they stood together for God knows how long last night.

 

Each memory is more vivid than the last, they play in his mind in slow motion. They feel new, so much so that Kuroo picks up on things he didn't notice the first time, like how Sawamura's cheeks had gone pink on more than one occasion, the way his cheeks would lift and his tooth gap would be exposed as he laughed, the way their breathing had synchronized as Sawamura held him to his chest, the way their arms had bumped each other as they stood washing up in Sawamura's kitchen.

 

Bokuto watches him carefully through his revelation, his own expression somewhere between guilty and curious.

 

"I'm not…" The words die on his lips, so Kuroo tries again. "I am not in love."

 

He wants to say it calmly and honestly but there is no genuinity in what he is saying. The second Bokuto uttered those words, the thoughts Kuroo had carefully snipped, sew themselves back together and festered ever deeper into his mind. It was a terrifying thought, which is why he had tried so hard, had fought against his own mind for so long to deny its very existence.

 

_For so long?_

 

How long had he fought the idea of being in love? Since this morning? The playground? At the party? Earlier than that? 

 

 _"Something is off with you."_ Kenma's words from the day he first met Sawamura ring in his head and all of a sudden it becomes too much. He stands up from the bench and shakes his head fervently.

 

"No, I'm not. I'm not, I'm not—" He's just blubbering at this point but it doesn't matter. Logic tells him that Bokuto is overthinking things and coming up with a ridiculous conclusion, it tells him that the emotions he's been feeling lately are purely a result of the intensity that comes along with his mother, it tells him that the vivid memories are just the brain trying to fill in gaps and creating images to fit the bias of Bokuto's statement, nothing more, nothing less. 

 

He's not in love.

 

_He's not in love._

 

Before he can leave however, Bokuto stands up and looks at him with determination in his eyes.

 

"Ask yourself this, Kuroo. When you had that moment with Sawamura last night, when he held your face and wiped your tears; how did it make you feel?"

 

"What kind of question is that?” Kuroo raises his voice, which is completely unnecessary but he’s panicking at this point. “I don't know how it made me feel!" 

 

He's lying. Of course, he is, because the implications of the truth don't align with the logic he’s trying to stick to. The truth is he felt like his entire being was alight on that kitchen, he felt like his pain had been well and truly eased, he felt cared for and safe, he felt that being in those arms was something he could get used to; that those eyes felt like home and that those lips would probably feel like—

 

Oh.

 

_Oh._

 

The truth suddenly feels too real to deny, like sunlight hitting the eyes after traveling all the way up the face. Try and block it all you can but it persists, it's light far too glaring, far too powerful, far too potent.

 

Kuroo swallows as he clutches his chest, scrunching up the material of his work dungarees. He's unsure and afraid, far too vulnerable in the small communal showerrooms of Haruichi Zoo's aquatic fraction. For a moment, the single moment in which three words pass through his lips, he feels like a child again or maybe like a teenager: full of repressed emotions and confusing thought patterns, he looks at Bokuto who smiles back in quiet support of his mental battle.

 

His voice hesitant, shaky and almost questioning.

 

"I'm..in love."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I baited you in the beginning.
> 
> Yes, I made you think this chapter would be fluffy but instead made it angsty.
> 
> I did all of those terrible things I know. Honestly, I'm almost sorry about it. _Almost._
> 
> In all seriousness, I worried that this chapter would seem random and a little out there and honestly, I do feel like it is. I could have written a whole lot more but I don't like it when my chapters get too long. This chapter was a difficult one for me because it's supposed to herald in the end of this fic, I mean I know I have 5 more chapters left but this one still represents a shift for me as well, I had the idea from the beginning to have Kuroo realise his feelings in the tenth chapter, and then have the final five see him act on those feelings, so you could say this chapter is a prelude to the end, which is why I completely understand if this chapter felt like something was missing or felt like it was not enough. Or maybe you didn't think that at all and I am just trying to justify why I sat at my computer rereading this chapter with a face like [this](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fpreviews.123rf.com%2Fimages%2Fsvershinsky%2Fsvershinsky1905%2Fsvershinsky190500522%2F124963846-hotel-manager-a-woman-reception-shocked-sitting-in-front-of-the-monitor-of-computer-funny-face-expre.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.123rf.com%2Fphoto_124963846_hotel-manager-a-woman-reception-shocked-sitting-in-front-of-the-monitor-of-computer-funny-face-expre.html&docid=7vYXcJ0mNY1QLM&tbnid=lSwDxFs3bk-ikM%3A&vet=10ahUKEwi9wqjgnZfkAhWVTxUIHeB9C_sQMwiwAShKMEo..i&w=1300&h=867&itg=1&bih=937&biw=1920&q=looking%20at%20a%20computer%20screen%20reaction%20image&ved=0ahUKEwi9wqjgnZfkAhWVTxUIHeB9C_sQMwiwAShKMEo&iact=mrc&uact=8) for the past hour.
> 
> You see dear reader: I, kkuma, have a plan. It may not be clear to you but I promise to see this fic to fruition. I know how I want it to go but I'm just figuring out how to get there, so please bear (get it?) with me. As always, let me know what you think with a comment and I hope to see you in the next chapter ʕ๑•ᴥ•๑ʔ ♡♡


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